It's true, it happened to a friend of a friend of mine...

Why are all the humans so mean?

, posted: 11-Feb-2008 02:03

It's not fair.  I am the most misunderstood cat in the entire world.  I try to be cute.  I come into the house doing my little bbbrrrttt thing, meow meow, and the boss thinks I'm cute.  Even the girl who adopted me thought I was beautiful.  But once I was in the house, things turned out differently.

First off, I was lost.  I can't remember who my first owner was, even if I ever had one.  Somehow my beautiful long fur stayed clean and knot-free.  But I found a nice house, so I thought, where they loved cats. 

I made myself at home, even defending my new territory from other outsiders.  But each time I came home with a few battle scars, they would grab me and drag me off to the vets.  I even had my manhood taken away from me, but I still defend my territory.  It's in me, you know.  After eight years or so fighting for myself it doesn't go away easily.  Even if they have turned me into a coward.

But let me talk about the household.  First there's the boss.  He's nice, he feeds me and pats me while I eat because I get scared in here sometimes.  But he goes to work early and I am not allowed in the house once he's gone.  Something about the missus not having to worry about us when she is screaming out the door, late for work, or screaming that junior is late for school.  Again.

While we're on about her, the only time she seems interested in carrying me is when I'm trying to scare off the local wildlife at night.  I have the ignominy of being carried by the scruff of my neck.  Hey, I don't really want to scratch her eyes out.  I mean, I think I got a bug last time I attacked her.  Something about her just having had a tetanus shot...  So, is it my fault she still has scars on her arm?  She should put some face cream on it.  It's supposed to work miracles, isn't it?  Every so often she sneaks up on me and goes 'boogey' and I have to run away.

That oldest boy, he was a danger.  He had two big dogs.  What did they call them?  American Pit Bull Terriers, as I recall.  Only good thing about the missus was she said they had to go.  They got rid of the 'bitch', and finally the dog went, too.  Then we got rid of him, too.

The nice girl who adopted me also adopted two kittens.  They bottle fed them, would you believe!  Apparently, she owns Princess, too.  But she moved out and ignores me now.  Suppose I should be happy that I'm still here and the kittens are gone.

The boy is a big meany.  Even princess doesn't like him.  Fluffy loves him, though.  The boy scares me.  Sometimes he picks me up.  He is the only person who puts me over his shoulder like a little baby.  I think I am too scared to move. 

There's another boy, but he's 19.  He's okay, mostly he just ignores me, sometimes he will say hello.

Sometimes I get a little bit confused, and I think Princess is a stray cat trespassing so I have to chase her.  Then the missus calls out 'bad cat' and Fluffy comes along to smack me.  What do they think I am, a child?  Then I forget that I'm not supposed to chase Princess, and I get into trouble all over again.  That's not really a mean streak in my eyes, it's just me squinting in the sun...

I mean, Fluffy is allowed to chase Princess.  Plus, he will lick her, and then try to scrag her.  Plus he sits on her...  Big fat lump.  He covers her completely with his belly. 

It's just so unfair being the 'ring-in', as they call me.  If I knew there was anyone else who could love me as much as the boss does, I would leave.  I know I wouldn't be missed by all the rest of them.  Plus since they started combing my hair I get all sorts of knots in it.  Maybe I should run away to be my old, beautiful self again.

Aaarghhh - what was that?  Is that shadow lurking to get me?  I am so afraid...

Boo Hoo.

See what they do to me?  It was only a little sore.  About 2cm wide...

And then they tell me this is another Fluffy only she's still in Australia....  Apparently she has real attitude.  You can't even pat her without her going psycho.  Good thing she stayed there with the other sister...

Other related posts:
Princess rambles. Again and again.
Princess rambles. Again.
Look at me...

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mobygeek's profile

Linda George
New Zealand

Five Children*, Three Cats*,
One Husband, One of Me.
(Oddly enough...)
A few Aussie Accents,
One dedicated Kiwi,
Several ANZACS.
Go Figure.

*One Kitty Kat...

What I write from my life might just help you in yours...