It's true, it happened to a friend of a friend of mine...

Princess reviews the 'holidays'

, posted: 21-Jan-2009 09:02

Yes, dear readers, I know it's been done.  But not by me!  Yes, it's Princess, queen of the pussycat population of Pukekohe.  Doesn't that sound grand. 

I have a good grounding on the whole situation.  Which is fortunate for me, as I am rather close to the ground. 

First of all, let me say that I did not gain weight this past month or so.  Not like others I could mention.  Like Fluffy and that blonde upstart.  He's got himself hideously tangled on his back and actually looks like a punk.  Plus he has to go to the vets to get sorted out now that Mr has gone back to work.

Now back to Christmas.  Mrs had to work, quite hard, and wasn't allowed to spend as hard as she normally does.  That's because they only had one income for a few months.  So, I got to stay in most days, but then, so did Fluffy and Blondie.  Mr 'B', as the boss calls him, got himself combed so much that he went and punked himself in protest.  Well, what can you expect from a feral furball who's never been brushed in his life.  That's what the Mrs said, anyway...

Ho ho, I am digressing here.  A right royal digression, if you know what I mean.  Number one daughter arrived on the 20th, I think, and there was much joy.  She is Junior's favourite sister, and they even share the same birthday! 

Mind you, I think she has ADHD also, because Mrs nearly went bananas each time she tried to talk to her whilst she was on facebook.  She just wasn't there, if you know what I mean... 

Christmas day was interesting, to say the least.  Lots of photos, none of me, of course, because I only like to smooch one person at a time.  Mono e mono, I think Billy Maddison said.  (If I were there I would have dispatched that evil penguin no problem...)  The bosses went to church, came back and waited.  And waited. 

That oldest son of Mr's is a bit funny in the head, if you take my meaning.  He arrived, with the other two children, plus My Real Owner's partner, and promptly went around the house stealing pot plants.  Not pot plants, but real plants.  He took our aloe vera, plus some of the plants he brought around when he moved in two and a half years ago.  (What a time that was.  He had the audacity to put two dogs in my garage.  American Pit Bull Terriers if you don't mind.  I had to sleep in the house and that blonde upstart had the nerve to sleep on My Bed.  Right on top of the Mrs' feet, so she couldn't move.  He also has this thing of tapping on the catflap several times to make a racket before deciding it's safe to go out.  Or in.  If you please...)

Anyway, digressions aside, the weird one eventually came in.  There was much mirth as the children (Honestly, I would have weaned them all by now... the youngest is sixteen,) pulled these noisey things they call crackers, opened presents, pulled faces for more photos etc.  Apparently the Mrs made the crackers herself.  What she couldn't buy to make she opened ready-made, and stuffed full of chocolates, extra toys, fart putty, whatever that is, miniature purses, spiders, flies (they make a really good joke when someone has to leave the table...) mini barrels of monkeys, whatever they are, too.  Etc Etc and so-on ad infinitum.  (I must say, my language skills are improving by the day!) 

Then, much to everyone's amazement, well, us girls, anyway, The weird one decided to go home (pot plants and all) when everyone else was ready to go to granny's for dinner.  The boys went with thim.  Fatal mistake, is the saying, although as a cat I cannot say for the life of me why.  They are all still alive... 

After an hour of waithing for the boys, granny declared the food fest was ON!!!  My real owner was very upset that her partner was missing the best food ever.  I heard later that pudding had been consumed before the boys arrived.  They missed out on a very good potato bake, I here tell, although I do not eat potatoes.  too many carbs... 

After they ate, the boys took off to the weird one's container.  Whatever that is...  The werid one took all sorts of stuff out of it, Random is the word the kids used.  Uncle got a silver goblet.  Mrs' first-born, the aussie one, was very offended that everyne else got something, except for her.  And the bosses.  But they didn't mind...

Me, I didn't get anything, except lots of hugs.  I do so wish Junior wouldn't lift me up.  I have never liked being dragged around.  Fluffy might like it, you can hear him purring upside down - it sounds different, I will let you know right now - all around the house.  He is so much the dumb one.  He even misses junior when he's away.  Sleeps on his stinky shoes, if you please.  The only thing that could have happened that would have pleased me is if that blonde upstart had taken off because of the crowds.

Anyway, first-born's boyfriend came over after christmas.  It was all gooey lovey-dovey then!  And then Miss Kitty Kat came and moved back in with her partner, and her two other cats!  And the geek-boy moved in, too.  Something about a home invasion?  I do not understand this word but it must be very evil.  Especially when I get extra cats in the garage.  But I did get some sleep on my bed.  I noticed the Mrs toss the blonde one off the bed when he tried to get on.  Then it was fluffy doing the pat-pat-pat on the cat flap to keep us all awake.

Now, interestingly, Mrs wears a funny mask when she goes to bed.  I thought I was going to have a heart attack the first time I saw her.  It's not a sight for a little pussycat like me to see.  But it seems harmless enough.  Apparently it stops her from not breathing in the middle of the night.  Honeslty, why would you want to do that?  I mean, if you stop breathing you die, after all...  Or, at least, from my observation of little birdies, they seem to not breath when they are dead.  Anyway, the Mrs usually gets fed up with this mask/machine contraption and tosses it off after about six or so hours.  So we all get some sleep after that.  Or, at least, I do! 

Well, three kids left for Australia a week or so ago.  Why would anyone want to fly, I ask you.  I mean, they send you off to the vets, you get wormed, de-flead and de-ticked, drugged up and shut up in a cage for several hours.  I mean, I don't know about this air-sickness stuff one hears about, but when you are half zonked out it isn't very pleasant at the best of times.  Especially if you have a fat lump like Fluffy sharing your cage.  I should know.  I flew over form Australia.  With Fluffy, obviously. 

The geekboy reckons he isn't coming back.  Something about New Zealand sucks?  They all blame this home invasion business.  I personally like New Zealand.  The sparrows taste the same, Fluffy still steals them form me, the big fat lazy lump.

First born and boyfriend are gone.  Even my Real Owner and partner and two cats are gone.  Ho boy, you should have seen the comedy while they were still here...  The Mrs reckons she is clumsy.  She locked me in one day and I watched this comedy through the window...  First she took the cats out for a walk.  One of them didn't want to go out at all.  She dropped it when she was trying to put it back in the garage.  Out popped the other one.  Who instantly hissed at blondie.  Then she grabbed it, tripped over, dropped the cat again, picked him up, let the other onw escape who then went and hissed at blondie.  Then she grabbid it, put him back and the first one escped and hissed at the blonde one again!!!  Finally she got them all back and decided it would be better if she left them where they were... 

I agreed.

Other related posts:
Where can a mother go to resign?
And you thought my life was weird...
What they don't tell you in the ads...

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Linda George
New Zealand

Five Children*, Three Cats*,
One Husband, One of Me.
(Oddly enough...)
A few Aussie Accents,
One dedicated Kiwi,
Several ANZACS.
Go Figure.

*One Kitty Kat...

What I write from my life might just help you in yours...