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961 posts

Ultimate Geek

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  #1876080 2-Oct-2017 13:18
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It's my wife's birthday coming up - she asked me to get her something for the bath.

 

 

 

I bought a toaster...





Procrastination eventually pays off.


961 posts

Ultimate Geek

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  #1876084 2-Oct-2017 13:21
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My wife and I would have split years ago if it wasn't for the kids.

 

 

 

She wouldn't have them and neither would I.





Procrastination eventually pays off.


961 posts

Ultimate Geek

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  #1876085 2-Oct-2017 13:22
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My wife says I don't listen.

 

 

 

At least I think that's what she said!





Procrastination eventually pays off.


961 posts

Ultimate Geek

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  #1876086 2-Oct-2017 13:23
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There are 10 types of people in the world.

 

 

 

Those who understand binary and those who do not.





Procrastination eventually pays off.


961 posts

Ultimate Geek

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  #1876087 2-Oct-2017 13:25
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Are there any Germans on this thread?

 

 

 

Let's have a show of Hans.





Procrastination eventually pays off.


961 posts

Ultimate Geek

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  #1876090 2-Oct-2017 13:26
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I found a word spelt 'incorrectly' in the dictionary the other day.

 

http://bit.ly/2wsuz6C

 

 





Procrastination eventually pays off.


961 posts

Ultimate Geek

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  #1876092 2-Oct-2017 13:28
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They've apparently taken gullible out of the dictionary.

 

 

 

True have a look: http://bit.ly/2fC98cg 

 

 





Procrastination eventually pays off.


14452 posts

Uber Geek

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  #1876403 2-Oct-2017 22:21
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Winston Peters walks into a bar...oh, no, sorry - that wasn't a joke.






4351 posts

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  #1876489 3-Oct-2017 08:32
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Geektastic:

 

Winston Peters walks into a bar...oh, no, sorry - that wasn't a joke.

 

 

 

 

He doesn't need to walk into a bar to be a joke.





Sometimes I just sit and think. Other times I just sit.


5680 posts

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  #1876548 3-Oct-2017 10:25
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A woman says to her husband "I wish my breasts were bigger"

 

He says "Rub toilet paper between them every day"

 

She says "How will that make them bigger?"

 

He says "I don't really know, but it's worked on your butt"





Mike

5680 posts

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  #1876555 3-Oct-2017 10:29
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Skeleton walks into a bar an orders a beer and a mop.

 

Arial walks into bar and orders a Chardonnay.  The bar tender look at her and says "I'm sorry, we don't serve your type in here"

 

Horse walks into a bar and the bartender says "why the long face"

 

 





Mike

5680 posts

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  #1876558 3-Oct-2017 10:31
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Why was the mushroom always invited to parties: Because he was a fun-guy.





Mike

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  #1876599 3-Oct-2017 12:02
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A woman walks into the rooftop bar of a posh hotel and sees a man drinking on his own who is very handsome.

 

She walks up, takes the stool next to him and says "Hi, I'm Jane. What are you drinking?"

 

"Hi. Magic beer."

 

"Magic beer? Magic how?"

 

"I'll show you." The man gets up, walks to the parapet, jumps over and flies round the building twice before landing on his stool.

 

"Wow! I'll have magic beer too!" says Jane.

 

She necks it in one, walks over to the parapet, jumps off and plunges 40 storeys to her death.

 

The bar tender says..."Superman, you are one mean drunk!"






1822 posts

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  #1877816 5-Oct-2017 12:01
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Very nervous first time bank robber races into the bank and yells:

 

"Air in the hands, motherstickers,

 

This is a fcuk-up !"





My thoughts are no longer my own and is probably representative of our media-controlled government


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  #1879223 7-Oct-2017 21:16
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did you hear about the constipated mathematician?

 

 

 

He worked it out with a pencil.

 

 


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