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cddt

1512 posts

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  #3347825 26-Feb-2025 11:03
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Thanks everyone for the recommendations, including those who PM'd me. I have passed them on. 

 

 

 

I agree that if the adults involved can come to an agreement it would save a lot of money - but doesn't sound like this is possible in this situation. 





My referral links: BigPipeMercury




tripper1000
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  #3348336 27-Feb-2025 11:22
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For anyone still reading this, or reading in future, the following is from experience.

 

1) You need to see a lawyer before you start negotiating, not to prepare for a fight, but just so you are educated and aware of the laws expectations of you, and what rules/formula the courts follow should it go to court. This puts you in a good position to stand-up for what you have a right to, and not to waste time/effort/money/goodwill arguing for what you're not entitled to, and to yield when you're obligated to. This education also greatly reduces your stress and emotions if/when the other party starts ignorantly or maliciously asserting false entitlements etc.

 

2) A "good" lawyer isn't one who is great at fighting in court, but someone who gives good advice that aids you in negotiating a settlement without going to court but that a court would agree is fair.

 

3) The best advice my lawyer gave me was that it would cost a minimum of $20k each to take it to court, so if you are stuck within $40K of each other, just be an adult and settle. 

 

4) The law is fairly cut and dried in N.Z. In most cases you/a family court lawyer can use the rules to predict how the courts will rule with a high degree of accuracy, so fighting in court is, generally speaking, wasteful (spiteful?) and a loose-loose situation. What you see on TV from overseas (e.g. blame-based and winner takes-all philosophy), is nothing like the reality in N.Z. which doesn't care why, who or how, and generally splits assets, appreciation and debt 50/50 (for relationships over 3 years long or with kids). 

 

5) Even if you are happy to hand-over everything/more than you are legally required, it is still good to get educated on your rights & obligations before-hand, since this gives you the stronger negotiating position on the few things you do want (eg your Weetbix card collection/your hand-tools etc), or if your ex starts abusing your generosity etc.


cddt

1512 posts

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  #3348346 27-Feb-2025 11:41
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tripper1000:

 

... just so you are educated and aware of the laws expectations of you, and what rules/formula the courts follow should it go to court ...

 

 

Agree 100%, this is what concerned me when my friend shared what was happening. 





My referral links: BigPipeMercury




Dratsab
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  #3348376 27-Feb-2025 14:23
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Even if he did just walk away and/or sign everything she put in front of so he ended up with nothing - IRD would still only be interested in his earnings and how much of that pie they would give to her. I'd imagine future earnings would also come into her consideration, i.e. how much can she take from any superannuation savings he's got. As everyone else has said - he needs to lawyer-up. Pronto.


martyyn
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  #3348719 28-Feb-2025 14:08
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tripper1000:

 

For anyone still reading this, or reading in future, the following is from experience.

 

1) You need to see a lawyer before you start negotiating, not to prepare for a fight, but just so you are educated and aware of the laws expectations of you, and what rules/formula the courts follow should it go to court. This puts you in a good position to stand-up for what you have a right to, and not to waste time/effort/money/goodwill arguing for what you're not entitled to, and to yield when you're obligated to. This education also greatly reduces your stress and emotions if/when the other party starts ignorantly or maliciously asserting false entitlements etc.

 

2) A "good" lawyer isn't one who is great at fighting in court, but someone who gives good advice that aids you in negotiating a settlement without going to court but that a court would agree is fair.

 

3) The best advice my lawyer gave me was that it would cost a minimum of $20k each to take it to court, so if you are stuck within $40K of each other, just be an adult and settle. 

 

4) The law is fairly cut and dried in N.Z. In most cases you/a family court lawyer can use the rules to predict how the courts will rule with a high degree of accuracy, so fighting in court is, generally speaking, wasteful (spiteful?) and a loose-loose situation. What you see on TV from overseas (e.g. blame-based and winner takes-all philosophy), is nothing like the reality in N.Z. which doesn't care why, who or how, and generally splits assets, appreciation and debt 50/50 (for relationships over 3 years long or with kids). 

 

5) Even if you are happy to hand-over everything/more than you are legally required, it is still good to get educated on your rights & obligations before-hand, since this gives you the stronger negotiating position on the few things you do want (eg your Weetbix card collection/your hand-tools etc), or if your ex starts abusing your generosity etc.

 

 

All very good advice, especially #1, for #3 it doesn't have to cost a quarter of that amount, but every case is different and I admire you putting numbers in the equation.

 

I'd suggest adding the following:

 

6) Ignore anything you're told, or read on the internet, about lawyers only take you to the cleaners and anyone claiming it wasn't fair outcome.

 

Show me someone who repeats either of those statements and I'll show you an angry man who didn't heed the advice above and fought their lawyers advice every step of the way.


Handle9
11289 posts

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  #3348749 28-Feb-2025 16:46
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martyyn:

 

6) Ignore anything you're told, or read on the internet, about lawyers only take you to the cleaners and anyone claiming it wasn't fair outcome.

 

Show me someone who repeats either of those statements and I'll show you an angry man who didn't heed the advice above and fought their lawyers advice every step of the way.

 

 

I couldn't agree more. The first question a majority of good lawyers will ask is "can you settle this without me being involved?"

 

I deal a lot with lawyers in my job and the problem is almost always the client not the lawyer.


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