General Mental Health Thread

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#3072739 5-May-2023 16:17

Handle9: Things are a grind at the moment.

Miss 11 hasn’t been able to go to school for a couple of weeks with migraine type symptoms. Medication is helping a bit but she’s really fatigued and it’s difficult watching her struggle. She had an MRI yesterday so we’ll see if that shows anything.

My wife also missed out on a promotion at work this week and had a job offer fell through yesterday.

It’ll get better and work out but I’m looking forward to this week being over.

It appears we are coming out the other side. Miss 11 has been at school for the last 3 weeks, with full days this week. She’s in a much better place than she was.

Mrs Handle got a job offer this week at a school she’s excited by as well. We need to work through the benefits (they tend to be as important than salary for teachers here) but I think it’ll work out.

We are all in a much happier place than we were a couple of months ago.

Lias

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#3072742 5-May-2023 16:25

Things are chugging along for me and the kids. Things are mostly settled in our new normal after a pretty horrible year last year, have just gone unconditional on my first home which was way more stressful than I anticipated, but now the only stress is having to pack the house up in the next few weeks! Hoping things will be stable for the next few years so the kids can continue their schooling with only the usual teenage dramas to contend with.

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#3072761 5-May-2023 18:43

Lias:

Things are chugging along for me and the kids. Things are mostly settled in our new normal after a pretty horrible year last year, have just gone unconditional on my first home which was way more stressful than I anticipated, but now the only stress is having to pack the house up in the next few weeks! Hoping things will be stable for the next few years so the kids can continue their schooling with only the usual teenage dramas to contend with.

The best money we ever spent moving house was paying someone to do it for us.

We were both working 90+ hour weeks. We called up the finishing touch, they came in at 8:30pm one evening, took a look around, told us to pack our own home offices, and on moving day they would be there before we left for work (6:30am!). They packed up the entire house, cleaned it, cleaned the new house which was new but had contractors there the days before) moved us, unpacked everything except home offices, including making beds, hand towels in bathrooms, toilet rolls. Fresh flowers were on the tables.

We went home to the new house and it was like we had never lived there. Cost us $1200 and was worth every cent and way way more.

I imagine it would be twice that now, and I'd pay it as fast as I could log into my internet banking. Moving is stressful AF. Doing it with kids I can't even comprehend.

Congrats on your new home, and hopefully, with the 'new' start, you can set some new positive memories up!

GV27

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#3093472 22-Jun-2023 15:05

I'm a week away from being through my probationary period at work. It's a standard clause in all our contracts from what I can tell but it's still good for general anxiety and my "here is literally everything that could go wrong, let's think about them ALL THE TIME" approach to risk management to have that out of the way.

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#3093521 22-Jun-2023 15:16

GV27:

I'm a week away from being through my probationary period at work. It's a standard clause in all our contracts from what I can tell but it's still good for general anxiety and my "here is literally everything that could go wrong, let's think about them ALL THE TIME" approach to risk management to have that out of the way.

Even under these provisions, you are likely to have a pretty solid sense of where you stand if you have a even fair basically decent employer, which it sounds like you do.

Remember the Rule of Thumb : If you can't change it, don't worry about it, and if you can change it, don't worry about it.

If it's really stressing you out, go and ask for 5 minutes with your manager and let them know it's causing you some concern, rip the bandaid off.

GV27

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#3093802 23-Jun-2023 09:10

networkn:

If it's really stressing you out, go and ask for 5 minutes with your manager and let them know it's causing you some concern, rip the bandaid off.

It's not, really, it's just one less thing to worry about.

My current project is convincing other half that she can take some time off for us to go away as a family, which we haven't done yet. We are both in new roles so she's in the same mindset as me, but we also need to take some time and this is something important to me so I'm hoping we can figure something out.

Going forever at this pace without a couple of extra days to ourselves is not sustainable.

MikeB4

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#3093815 23-Jun-2023 09:27

@GV27 your body and mind are telling you something, listen. I have made the mistake many times of not heading signs before it was too late, the cost of which was far greater.

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GV27

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#3093882 23-Jun-2023 10:04

MikeB4: @GV27 your body and mind are telling you something, listen. I have made the mistake many times of not heading signs before it was too late, the cost of which was far greater.

+100. I've had burnout before, I'm not keen to repeat my experience.

Hence the taking time off before it becomes an issue, not after.

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#3093948 23-Jun-2023 10:59

My wife and I (prior to Covid) were doing a thing where 1-2 times a year, each of us would go 'away' for up to a week overseas or inside NZ. This gives the departing spouse some time away from being a parent, husband/wife, and having to worry about household 'stuff' and ideally, work.

We have resumed this, this year. We are also setting time to be away together, even if it's a 3-day weekend.

Being a parent and a spouse is a full-time job with no breaks or ends. There is no shame in recognising that can be exhausting even in the happiest of families, let alone with anything else happening in the background or foreground.

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#3097648 30-Jun-2023 12:46

I've been suffering from a bit of insomnia lately - and it's starting to give me a bit of anxiety.

I'll find it very hard to get to sleep, then when I eventually do, I am awake a couple of hours later - but the strange thing is, I am not tired, or jacked or any other weird things...I am just "awake". Like I should be awake at 1am.
I'll then find it almost impossible to get back to sleep and so I'll read my kindle or watch a bit of TV for a bit and then I'll get sleepy and go to sleep for another short period - and it all starts again.

I'm waking up at 5am every day now and just not going back to sleep.

I'm not waking up or going to bed with anything burning on my mind.

I just wonder if the cumulative stress of the stalled house rebuild and the subsequent need to have a shower replaced unexpectedly is what is doing this to me.

It's annoying and frustrating and I am so tired at the end of the working day - also getting short with the kids (obviously teens are going to be idiots, but I am losing patience with their stupidity, which I would have just laughed off previously).

Work is fine - it's not overly stressful and I have a great boss, but I just can't shake the anxiety and the insomnia.

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Eva888

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#3097703 30-Jun-2023 13:09

You say it in your last sentence. Anxiety. It’s a beast that’s difficult to shake when you are in the midst of upheaval. Remind yourself that it will all be ok again soon and try and change the daily routine to include getting outside just for some quiet leisure in nature.

Maybe try taking a herbal over the counter sleep remedy like Valerian just for a week to break the habit of waking. Melatonin can also help and you can get it OTC if over 50 I think. (check that everything is ok with your meds first)

The placebo effect of taking something to help may be enough to achieve some rest and calm.

GV27

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#3097720 30-Jun-2023 13:24

Magnesium is a relatively harmless starting point. A couple of magnesium pills before bed usually drastically improves my quality of sleep.

Once you wake up at a certain time it takes a while to shake that, but the quality of of the sleep you do get will probably improve.

I used to use melatonin when things got really bad and it made the difference between winters being a hellish nightmare and being manageable, but now you can't get it for general use and I'm generally worse off as a result.

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#3097722 30-Jun-2023 13:29

Over 55 can get melatonin by prescription and I believe Life Pharmacies do a sleep consultation which may allow them to prescribe it to you.

Agree Magnesium can help when taken in the evening.

tdgeek

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#3097739 30-Jun-2023 13:42

https://www.gardenbetty.com/sleep-promoting-fruits-and-vegetables-that-help-you-spring-forward-easier/#:~:text=better%20at%20night-,1.,melatonin%20content%20as%20sour%20cherries.

12 Fruit and veg that you can incorporate on a regular and natural basis

Eggs and milk too, can be a smoothie early to mid evening

Milk. A glass of warm milk is a well-known and common sleep remedy, and for good reason! Milk is one of the best dietary sources of melatonin. It also contains the amino acid tryptophan, which increases concentrations of melatonin and serotonin and helps you drift off to sleep easier.

Pills etc will work, but if you can add melatonin sourced foods that may provide a more consistent outcome

gzt

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#3098063 30-Jun-2023 23:07

GV27: I used to use melatonin when things got really bad and it made the difference between winters being a hellish nightmare and being manageable, but now you can't get it for general use and I'm generally worse off as a result.

That is definitely available on prescription regardless of age. Was Circadin then renamed Vigisom and price dropped. Like any serious issue best to chat with a gp. Sleep is almost as serious as it gets imo.

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