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Handsomedan
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  #2793337 11-Oct-2021 17:02
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halper86:

 

I have only just stumbled across this thread and wish I saw this sooner. I praise you all for your compassionate replies and understanding of each others unique challenges.

 

The biggest challenges I have faced while having poor mental health, is opening up to someone and being able to trust them. I have struggled a fair bit with this and it has been a barrier to letting the weight off my shoulders. Following the initial diagnosis of depression and anxiety, it was  hard for me as I felt stigmatised, like I wasn't normal and needed to 'take a concrete pill'.

 

I got very good at dismissing the bad thoughts from my mind in a bid to keep happy and so my mates wouldn't call me a 'pussy' however this took a toll on me. I barely talked about my challenges to anybody and the weight on my shoulders began to build to breaking point. Reaching breaking point was far from what I wanted but it happened anyway. Once I reached this point I was lucky enough to be able to get support straight away. Now I wished that I reached out to someone sooner and I would have had less stress and a physical toll on myself.

 

I wouldn't wish on my worst enemies the dark place I was in. I hope anyone reading this can be asked at anytime for a chat or some advice from a mate or colleague - you could be their light at the end of the tunnel.

 

 

 

 

If I am honest, this place has been a godsend. I have had fellow geekzoners reach out and simply ask how I am, based on the tone of my posts, or stuff I have said here. And it really helps. 

 

Sometimes its just nice to know that nobody thinks you're a basket case. 





Handsome Dan Has Spoken.
Handsome Dan needs to stop adding three dots to every sentence...

 

Handsome Dan does not currently have a side hustle as the mascot for Yale 

 

 

 

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halper86
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  #2793341 11-Oct-2021 17:16
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Handsomedan:

 

If I am honest, this place has been a godsend. I have had fellow geekzoners reach out and simply ask how I am, based on the tone of my posts, or stuff I have said here. And it really helps. 

 

Sometimes its just nice to know that nobody thinks you're a basket case. 

 

 

Just for someone to reach out to me (instead of going to them) would be enough for me to think 'you genuinely care' and a glimmer of hope. I frequently reach out to mates and ask them how their day went or the important - how are you?

 

There has been too many parents burying their children lately and I would never want that for anybody. Nothing needs to be heavy-hearted, just a bit of banter or to send a text asking a mate to come around for a few drinks and a feed.


networkn

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  #2793370 11-Oct-2021 19:00
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Handsomedan:

 

networkn:

 

I know these decisions around alert levels are sensible and make sense, and I support them, however, today the announcements affecting Auckland have really smashed my state of mind. To hear schools won't be back next week and knowing the impact that has on my kids too and on us as parents, is really tough as well. We have great kids who are trying hard to learn from home, but there is a gulf between home learning and not. 

 

 

Yeah, it's also what they don't say that makes your mind race...

 

 

 

My wife works at a Kindergarten and they were warned that mandatory vaccinations could be coming...but to hear that this won't come into effect until January makes us wonder if the Govt actually believes that the vast majority of school pupils and early childhood attendees won't be back this side of the Xmas break. 

 

 

Yeah, if every teacher that hadn't had one went out today and got vaccinated, then we are talking 5 weeks until they are 'safe'. That leaves for most people 3-4 weeks of the term 4 left..... 

 

We had a bit of a chat over dinner with the kids, the news overall didn't go well. We have tried to stress nothing is set in stone, but we have alluded to the worst case scenario..

 

 




Geektastic
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  #2795075 14-Oct-2021 11:54
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I'm having to (ahem) manage my wife a bit at the moment.

Neither of us have seen a single family member in person since March 2019 and her mother was admitted to hospital in the UK a couple of days ago with a suspected heart attack. Turned out to be angina but it has ruffled the Memsahib's feathers and sent her down the rabbit hole of "what happens if she dies before we can travel" etc.





Handsomedan
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  #2813221 15-Nov-2021 12:59
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Can't say that my mental health has been 100% this past week or so. 

 

Been continuously wound up and have somewhat lost my mojo. Haven't been sleeping well either. 

 

Missed out on a job that I thought I was a front-runner for, but as it turns out, I was "overqualified" and they have put me forward for a more senior role. But that just drags out any process I might have for getting out of my current situation that is driving me mad. 

 

Two steps forward, one and 3/4 steps back, it seems. 

 

 

 

 





Handsome Dan Has Spoken.
Handsome Dan needs to stop adding three dots to every sentence...

 

Handsome Dan does not currently have a side hustle as the mascot for Yale 

 

 

 

*Gladly accepting donations...


MikeB4
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  #2813238 15-Nov-2021 13:46
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Handsomedan:

 

Can't say that my mental health has been 100% this past week or so. 

 

Been continuously wound up and have somewhat lost my mojo. Haven't been sleeping well either. 

 

Missed out on a job that I thought I was a front-runner for, but as it turns out, I was "overqualified" and they have put me forward for a more senior role. But that just drags out any process I might have for getting out of my current situation that is driving me mad. 

 

Two steps forward, one and 3/4 steps back, it seems. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

My son advised me that one cannot force sleep (drugs and sudden blow treatment excluded... his words) Sleep is something that will is very fickle and the more one frets about sleep the more fickle it becomes. Sleeps disturbance affects the mind and body and can impact gradually affecting alertness, coping mechanisms and physical health. His advice is to reduce stimulants, chemical visual and physical gradually from around around 7pm to 8pm. Don't go to bed by the clock but buy what your body is telling. In other words don't try to force sleep but let sleep come. Forcing sleep can alter when your body will go to sleep and how will you sleep through all the various sleep stages. Also, allow sleep to end naturally, that is not by an alarm.


Geektastic
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  #2813466 15-Nov-2021 19:08
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Handsomedan:

Can't say that my mental health has been 100% this past week or so. 


Been continuously wound up and have somewhat lost my mojo. Haven't been sleeping well either. 


Missed out on a job that I thought I was a front-runner for, but as it turns out, I was "overqualified" and they have put me forward for a more senior role. But that just drags out any process I might have for getting out of my current situation that is driving me mad. 


Two steps forward, one and 3/4 steps back, it seems. 


 


 



My wife has recently had a similar experience. She had 100% perfect experience but didn't get interviewed.

Then found out via a contact that the organisation already had an internal candidate but the process required them to "explore the market" and waste a lot of candidate's time.







Handsomedan
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  #2813697 16-Nov-2021 09:34
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Geektastic:
Handsomedan:

 

Can't say that my mental health has been 100% this past week or so. 

 

 

 

Been continuously wound up and have somewhat lost my mojo. Haven't been sleeping well either. 

 

Missed out on a job that I thought I was a front-runner for, but as it turns out, I was "overqualified" and they have put me forward for a more senior role. But that just drags out any process I might have for getting out of my current situation that is driving me mad. 

 

Two steps forward, one and 3/4 steps back, it seems. 

 



My wife has recently had a similar experience. She had 100% perfect experience but didn't get interviewed.

Then found out via a contact that the organisation already had an internal candidate but the process required them to "explore the market" and waste a lot of candidate's time.

 

 

 

Yes - having hired people quite a bit in the past, there's some real frustrations that you have to manage with the processes. 

 

Hiring internally almost always requires a couple of external candidates to be explored. I hate being on the other end of it, so hate to do it to people as a hiring manager. 

 

There's also the inevitable "Sorry, HandsomeDan, we have decided to rescind your approval to hire and have redeployed the FTE to another department. Please stop interviewing/don't make the offer". 

 

That was an experience I had last year, pre-pandemic. Was just about to pull the trigger on a fantastic candidate and was told that I could no longer hire. Poor bugger had been through 3 interviews and psychometric testing as well as background checks and reference checks. I was a day or so away from formalising an offer. I wonder how he got on after that...I hope he got a good job. He was a nice guy. 





Handsome Dan Has Spoken.
Handsome Dan needs to stop adding three dots to every sentence...

 

Handsome Dan does not currently have a side hustle as the mascot for Yale 

 

 

 

*Gladly accepting donations...


networkn

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  #2814248 17-Nov-2021 09:02
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As a household with two essential workers, today is more than a little  bit anxiety creating. We don't have any choice but to send our kids back to school. They have been in bubble school throughout, but they have been together, in controlled classrooms with specific groups of kids who attend each day supervised by people we know and trust, and whilst they are taking some precautions, it's much less controlled. Add to this that any cases in their school will cause us to need to isolate, which we don't have any available childcare from and things feel pretty messed up right now.  We are all vaccinated except for my daughter who isn't eligible yet. It's possible they will get to the end of the year without anyone in the classroom or school getting it, and this may be nothing to worry about, but I am a plan for the worst type of person, as much as practical, but there really isn't a way to plan for this.

 

 


Lias
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  #2814962 18-Nov-2021 05:47
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I've had issues with anxiety and the odd bit of depression as long as I can remember, which is not uncommon in people with Asperger's (albeit I didn't get a formal diagnosis of that until relatively recently). Lockdown v1 didn't really have much impact on my mental health, but v2 noticeably has. Work has been challenging, we've had a very high turnover of engineers due to poor even by public sector pay rates in a boomtimes market, a restructure, and the usual internal politics etc. Combined with various home/family stresses it's all been a bit much lately. 

 

I've recently started doing Judo again, which I last dabbled in 20 odd years ago, and I think that's helping (well apart from the protesting body). Also mentally decided that if work isn't going to change, it's time to change jobs. Have given them one last chance to come to the party with decent salary but if anyone wants a vocal autistic senior infra / system engineer, hit me up lol. 





I'm a geek, a gamer, a dad and an IT Professional. I have a full rack home lab, size 15 feet, an epic beard and Asperger's. I'm a bit of a Cypherpunk, who believes information wants to be free and the Net interprets censorship as damage and routes around it.


GV27
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  #2814970 18-Nov-2021 06:46
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I don't think you're the only one in that boat when it comes to work issues, if that's of any comfort. I've got a workplace and colleagues I really like, and it would be easy to stay on cruise-control, but living costs are exploding and I've got part of a mortgage coming off fixed in the next 12 months. It's a really crappy spot for people who are in existing roles at the moment because those big juicy shortage-driven market pay rates are only on offer to those who can test the market - great if you're the kind of person who job-hops after a couple of years like is common in some industries, but pretty shit if you're the sort of person who burrows into an organisation and does longer stints.

 

I'm going to get a dose of reality that I don't want soon because I'm sitting down to redo our budgets this weekend to fit in childcare, mortgage top-ups and the next six months without paid parental leave coming in for my partner. I guess I'm still not able to understand how a household that earns what we earn can struggle financially - my income alone should have been enough to pay a mortgage comfortably in days of yore - but that's being under 40 in NZ for you, I guess. It does piss me off that I really pushed myself to study something I wasn't good at academically but have blossomed into professionally. I didn't kick my own ass for years to live paycheque to paycheque and have to time when I filled my car's tank with paydays, but I can't see an end-game that isn't moving to either Australia or some backwater South Island town like Dunedin. 


Geektastic
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  #2815001 18-Nov-2021 08:31
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@Handsomedan My wife once had 6 interviews, including dinner out with the team, got offered the job verbally then it disappeared. She eventually found out that the hiring manager had no financial approval in advance at all and was denied budget after verbally offering her the job.

In the UK, in larger organisations at least, no hiring is done by managers. They will be required to submit a request to HR which includes approval to hire. HR then deal with all the advertising and arranging interviews which the manager would attend along with HR. Once a choice is made, HR deal with the offer and paperwork.

I can't help thinking that doing it that way here would be an improvement. It's a principle function of HR but here they are often never involved until the endgame.





Handsomedan
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  #2815061 18-Nov-2021 10:00
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So...today is an interesting day. 

 

Nice sunny day, some sense of normalcy being promised by the Govt for those of us in Auckland and family relatively happy. 

 

Work is insanely busy, I am relying on a couple of teams to provide an urgent project for my key client and it's not going to plan. I'm getting it in the neck from the client. 

 

I'm still quite anxious about the whole pandemic thing, for no real reason - we're all fully vaccinated and we should be able to go about life as normal (or at least as normal as can be in Auckland), but there's still nagging anxiety. 

 

Summer feels like it's coming but I am not going to be able to fully enjoy it...but I don't know why. 

 

Maybe I'm just tired. 

 

 





Handsome Dan Has Spoken.
Handsome Dan needs to stop adding three dots to every sentence...

 

Handsome Dan does not currently have a side hustle as the mascot for Yale 

 

 

 

*Gladly accepting donations...


SheriffNZ
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  #2815159 18-Nov-2021 11:33
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Handsomedan:

 

I'm still quite anxious about the whole pandemic thing, for no real reason - we're all fully vaccinated and we should be able to go about life as normal (or at least as normal as can be in Auckland), but there's still nagging anxiety. 

 

Summer feels like it's coming but I am not going to be able to fully enjoy it...but I don't know why. 

 

Maybe I'm just tired. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I think there is a lot of this going round, whether it's a mental health thing, or just tiredness.

 

 

 

Either way, you're not alone.


networkn

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  #2815177 18-Nov-2021 12:00
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Yup, I've had two clients fly off the handle over minor things who have come back later to apologise. Out of character and I'm absolutely feeling a little less charitable with people right now in terms of tolerating issues.


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