TRUMP FEARS NEXT ELECTION COULD BE UNFAIRLY INFLUENCED BY AMERICAN VOTERS
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Donald J. Trump is “extremely worried” that the 2020 Presidential election will be decided by Americans, an aide has confirmed.
The man, who spoke on the condition of anonymity, said that Trump is panicking over a worst-case scenario in which Americans, sidelined during the 2016 election, will play a dominant role in influencing the 2020 contest.
The aide said that a "certain infamous group" will stop at nothing to instal an agent of the U.S. in the Oval Office.
“We know what they're up to,” he added. “They want a puppet who will do the bidding of the United States of America.”
While Trump has reportedly ordered his staff to do everything in their power to prevent Americans from meddling in the 2020 election, the prospect of U.S. citizens deciding the next Presidential race has clearly left him rattled.
“These people will use voter registration, mail-in ballots, social media, and anything else at their disposal to hand the election to someone who will advance their interests,” the aide said. “It's no wonder our President has to play golf to relieve stress.”