Geekzone: technology news, blogs, forums
Guest
Welcome Guest.
You haven't logged in yet. If you don't have an account you can register now.


Filter this topic showing only the reply marked as answer View this topic in a long page with up to 500 replies per page Create new topic
1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5
khull
1245 posts

Uber Geek


  #1171738 9-Nov-2014 18:10
Send private message

Since NZ is crazy on baking cooking and house renovations, host a competition between the two in the weeks leading up to the dinner. Winner gets to host the birthday event and loser gets the leftovers

Geese
1267 posts

Uber Geek
Inactive user


  #1171742 9-Nov-2014 18:16
Send private message

I totally agree with Elpie's idea. I've recently been through same struggle, I always ultimately bowed to her will at cost of my own Happiness. She always said... If I truely loved her I'd be happy doing nothing except be at work, and then at home. No hobbies, no friends, no entertainment, etc. She said her and her family are my new family and take priority, therefore I cannot visit or talk to my family if it takes time away from her and her family.

There were never acceptable (to her) compromises though I always offered them. As your suggesting.

For example - once a month (never more), for 2 hours (never longer), I have lunch with large group of friends I'm in a bike club with. Its 2 hours return trip to attend. I'd suggest we both go. She never wanted to go. I'd say couples go, its very friendly... NO.
My compromise was we would travel together to the area, and while I'm having lunch she could shop or have lunch, or whatever, make a fun day out of it.

But she would always be like, I don't want to go to lunch, don't want to meet your friends, don't want to make the trip... So because I don't want to go neither can you otherwise your leaving me on my own on "family day".

Consequently we are no longer together.

 
 
 
 


freitasm
BDFL - Memuneh
68875 posts

Uber Geek

Administrator
Trusted
Geekzone
Lifetime subscriber

  #1171798 9-Nov-2014 20:25
Send private message

Seems appropriate:







 

 

These links are referral codes

 

Geekzone broadband switch | Eletcricity comparison and switch | Hatch investment (NZ$ 10 bonus if NZ$100 deposited within 30 days) | Sharesies | Mighty Ape | Backblaze | Coinbase | TheMarket | My technology disclosure


networkn
23479 posts

Uber Geek

Trusted
Lifetime subscriber

  #1171802 9-Nov-2014 20:47
Send private message

IlDuce: I totally agree with Elpie's idea. I've recently been through same struggle, I always ultimately bowed to her will at cost of my own Happiness. She always said... If I truely loved her I'd be happy doing nothing except be at work, and then at home. No hobbies, no friends, no entertainment, etc. She said her and her family are my new family and take priority, therefore I cannot visit or talk to my family if it takes time away from her and her family.

There were never acceptable (to her) compromises though I always offered them. As your suggesting.

For example - once a month (never more), for 2 hours (never longer), I have lunch with large group of friends I'm in a bike club with. Its 2 hours return trip to attend. I'd suggest we both go. She never wanted to go. I'd say couples go, its very friendly... NO.
My compromise was we would travel together to the area, and while I'm having lunch she could shop or have lunch, or whatever, make a fun day out of it.

But she would always be like, I don't want to go to lunch, don't want to meet your friends, don't want to make the trip... So because I don't want to go neither can you otherwise your leaving me on my own on "family day".

Consequently we are no longer together.


Wow no offense, but it took me longer to read that than I would have put up with that nonsense for! ;) 

When I hear stories like this it makes me want to go and hug my wife for being so awesome. 


Elpie
1304 posts

Uber Geek


  #1171810 9-Nov-2014 20:57
Send private message

networkn: 
When I hear stories like this it makes me want to go and hug my wife for being so awesome. 


You should do it :-)

I'm kinda relieved people are talking here about girlfriends. It would be really scary if these kinds of attitudes were coming from wives (or husbands). Life's too short to put up with manipulative partners. 

networkn
23479 posts

Uber Geek

Trusted
Lifetime subscriber

  #1171824 9-Nov-2014 21:05
Send private message

Elpie:
networkn: 
When I hear stories like this it makes me want to go and hug my wife for being so awesome. 


You should do it :-)

I'm kinda relieved people are talking here about girlfriends. It would be really scary if these kinds of attitudes were coming from wives (or husbands). Life's too short to put up with manipulative partners. 


Hhaha You better believe I did. I believe my wife is one of the only women on earth without a hint of guile in her body. 

coffeebaron
5738 posts

Uber Geek

Trusted
Lifetime subscriber

  #1171825 9-Nov-2014 21:06
Send private message

Reading this makes me love my wife even more. She is wonderful :)




Chorus has spent $1.4 billion on making their xDSL broadband network faster and even more now as they are upgrading their rural Conklins. If your still stuck on ADSL or VDSL, why not spend $195 on a master filter install to make sure you are getting the most out of your connection?
I install - Naked DSL, DSL Master Splitters, VoIP, data cabling and general computer support for home and small business.

 

Cel-Fi supply and installer - boost your mobile phone coverage legally
Rural Broadband RBI installer for Ultimate Broadband and Full Flavour

 

Need help in Auckland, Waikato or BoP? Click my email button, or email me direct: [my user name] at geekzonemail dot com


 
 
 
 


richms
23681 posts

Uber Geek

Trusted
Subscriber

  #1171827 9-Nov-2014 21:08
Send private message

Dump her before its too late IMO.




Richard rich.ms

gzt

gzt
11677 posts

Uber Geek

Lifetime subscriber

  #1171828 9-Nov-2014 21:19
Send private message

If you can truly attend only one - attend the one that scheduled first.

Other than that it is going to be an ongoing problem so you need to figure it out or it will be ongoing.

Attending both is also good solution unless it goes down badly with both parties. Imho any reasonable people will understand the issue and the reasons you are doing it if you mention it in advance and stick to it.

gzt

gzt
11677 posts

Uber Geek

Lifetime subscriber

  #1171830 9-Nov-2014 21:25
Send private message

freitasm:
golfpunk111: November is birthday month for our families, this year my Sis's bday and her brothers b'day family dinners are being held on the same day and time. We can't attend both. I suggested for this odd time we attend our siblings bday separately to avoid disappointment for the others siblings dinner we couldn't attend.

We can't arrange to see either earlier in the day and due to the distance between the two (an hours drive we can't really attend both and would miss dinner and/or the cake at one).

Her argument is that we should be attending as couples and I agree but surely an odd compromise is fair enough?



I think it's a good compromise.

Yep. This is not an odd solution and very common for around christmas and things like that.

Geese
1267 posts

Uber Geek
Inactive user


  #1171832 9-Nov-2014 21:32
Send private message

With the power of hindsight the signs were there from the first date even, but I just kept making allowances... oh its because she's nervous, oh its because she has baggage and when she knows me better she will see she does not need to worry about that concern...

The first date I told her where I worked and what I did, and about the company - and she said I was wrong as her friend knew a guy who lived across the road from someone who once worked there (exaggeration - it was a fairly distant connection is my point)... so I stopped talking about that as she shut me down. Later a topic came up about my friend who is a teacher, and concerning his education, got shut down again... and by third time I thought if this carries on one of us is bound to get up and walk out... so I clammed up for next 90 odd minutes and just smiled.

The realisation point where I knew it was futile continuing... our 2 year anniversary...

I bought a card, lovingly filled out, flowers, chocolates, not 1 but 2 bottles of wine, and left them on the bed while she was at work, then I went to work and she came home and saw them.

I got home from work and she was frosty, wouldn't speak to me. This carried on for next 2 days. I had no idea what I'd done wrong. I can think of possibilities that other people might do to warrant getting their head taken off, such as putting an ex's name in the card by mistake, or buying wine she once said she hated ,etc.

In the end guess what it was... apparently as I did not put a PDA post on facebook (remember I was at work where I don't carry my phone, as afterall, I'm there to work!), I am not genuine with my "love" so everything else I did counts for nothing...

Just WOW.

Batman
Mad Scientist
23068 posts

Uber Geek

Trusted
Lifetime subscriber

  #1171834 9-Nov-2014 21:38
Send private message

2 issues

1) conflict is normal. Conflict resolution strengthens relationship. A couple that have never argued will never stay together for long.

2) on the other hand there is personality. If I were you, a big argument from who attends which birthday is so trivial that I probably won't able live with that person for too long if they are going to argue about every single trivial thing for the sake of arguing.




Involuntary autocorrect in operation on mobile device. Apologies in advance.


Batman
Mad Scientist
23068 posts

Uber Geek

Trusted
Lifetime subscriber

  #1171836 9-Nov-2014 21:40
Send private message

Ps I'm not saying I'm a saint and easy to live with. I have issues too. I'm hopeless at certain things. But I can't live with trivial arguments. some people can. I remember my grandfather gets yelled at every hour and he still served my grandmother. Amazing man!




Involuntary autocorrect in operation on mobile device. Apologies in advance.


Batman
Mad Scientist
23068 posts

Uber Geek

Trusted
Lifetime subscriber

  #1171837 9-Nov-2014 21:44
Send private message

joker97: 2 issues

1) conflict is normal. Conflict resolution strengthens relationship. A couple that have never argued will never stay together for long.

2) on the other hand there is personality. If I were you, a big argument from who attends which birthday is so trivial that I probably won't able live with that person for too long if they are going to argue about every single trivial thing for the sake of arguing.


Oh yes, solution ... umm ...

Find out why she made a big deal. Possible reasons

She is angry at you for something totally unrelated
She had s bad day and didn't mean to argue / pms etc
That particular event is every very important to her
Going everywhere together is very important to her

She is trying to break up with you and found the perfect storm
She is a @$&_():;;"
You are an a$&__&@$




Involuntary autocorrect in operation on mobile device. Apologies in advance.


Batman
Mad Scientist
23068 posts

Uber Geek

Trusted
Lifetime subscriber

  #1171838 9-Nov-2014 21:45
Send private message

The solution(s) then depends on the reason(s)




Involuntary autocorrect in operation on mobile device. Apologies in advance.


1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5
Filter this topic showing only the reply marked as answer View this topic in a long page with up to 500 replies per page Create new topic





News »

Huawei launches IdeaHub Pro in New Zealand
Posted 27-Oct-2020 16:41


Southland-based IT specialist providing virtual services worldwide
Posted 27-Oct-2020 15:55


NASA discovers water on sunlit surface of Moon
Posted 27-Oct-2020 08:30


Huawei introduces new features to Petal Search, Maps and Docs
Posted 26-Oct-2020 18:05


Nokia selected by NASA to build first ever cellular network on the Moon
Posted 21-Oct-2020 08:34


Nanoleaf enhances lighting line with launch of Triangles and Mini Triangles
Posted 17-Oct-2020 20:18


Synology unveils DS16211+
Posted 17-Oct-2020 20:12


Ingram Micro introduces FootfallCam to New Zealand channel
Posted 17-Oct-2020 20:06


Dropbox adopts Virtual First working policy
Posted 17-Oct-2020 19:47


OPPO announces Reno4 Series 5G line-up in NZ
Posted 16-Oct-2020 08:52


Microsoft Highway to a Hundred expands to Asia Pacific
Posted 14-Oct-2020 09:34


Spark turns on 5G in Auckland
Posted 14-Oct-2020 09:29


AMD Launches AMD Ryzen 5000 Series Desktop Processors
Posted 9-Oct-2020 10:13


Teletrac Navman launches integrated multi-camera solution for transport and logistics industry
Posted 8-Oct-2020 10:57


Farmside hits 10,000 RBI customers
Posted 7-Oct-2020 15:32









Geekzone Live »

Try automatic live updates from Geekzone directly in your browser, without refreshing the page, with Geekzone Live now.


Support Geekzone »

Our community of supporters help make Geekzone possible. Click the button below to join them.

Support Geezone on PressPatron



Are you subscribed to our RSS feed? You can download the latest headlines and summaries from our stories directly to your computer or smartphone by using a feed reader.

Alternatively, you can receive a daily email with Geekzone updates.