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Mad Scientist
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  Reply # 1171841 9-Nov-2014 21:53
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networkn:
IlDuce: I totally agree with Elpie's idea. I've recently been through same struggle, I always ultimately bowed to her will at cost of my own Happiness. She always said... If I truely loved her I'd be happy doing nothing except be at work, and then at home. No hobbies, no friends, no entertainment, etc. She said her and her family are my new family and take priority, therefore I cannot visit or talk to my family if it takes time away from her and her family.

There were never acceptable (to her) compromises though I always offered them. As your suggesting.

For example - once a month (never more), for 2 hours (never longer), I have lunch with large group of friends I'm in a bike club with. Its 2 hours return trip to attend. I'd suggest we both go. She never wanted to go. I'd say couples go, its very friendly... NO.
My compromise was we would travel together to the area, and while I'm having lunch she could shop or have lunch, or whatever, make a fun day out of it.

But she would always be like, I don't want to go to lunch, don't want to meet your friends, don't want to make the trip... So because I don't want to go neither can you otherwise your leaving me on my own on "family day".

Consequently we are no longer together.


Wow no offense, but it took me longer to read that than I would have put up with that nonsense for! ;) 

When I hear stories like this it makes me want to go and hug my wife for being so awesome. 



Yeah go and hug your wife.
Apparently she stops him from cleaning so she can do it. What the hell?!

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  Reply # 1171844 9-Nov-2014 21:55
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coffeebaron: Reading this makes me love my wife even more. She is wonderful :)


She stops you from cleaning too?

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  Reply # 1171852 9-Nov-2014 22:13
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Go to neither. Go to the movies or something.

Then host a dinner party and invite both to join you at your house.

Or do what I do - send them a card...





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  Reply # 1171944 10-Nov-2014 09:40
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joker97:
coffeebaron: Reading this makes me love my wife even more. She is wonderful :)


She stops you from cleaning too?

Sometimes :)





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  Reply # 1171971 10-Nov-2014 10:05
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And make sure you tell your girlfriend that you polled a bunch of random geeks on a website called Geekzone and they all agree that you're right and she's wrong.

She's bound to see reason then!



(Under Health & Safety regulations, I am required to point out that you should not do that, ever!)

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  Reply # 1172034 10-Nov-2014 11:02
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Happy wife = happy life. Do what you girlfriend wants unless you like playing with fire.

Or some someone else has already suggested skip both and go to the pub.

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  Reply # 1172163 10-Nov-2014 12:29
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Go to the younger ones party, it is likely to mean more to them.

That said I'd be going with your first suggestion about going separately.

Sounds like the compromise she wants is that you do what she wants, and you be the one to compromise.

Or ask her for her suggestion to keep both parties happy?

It is easy to look at a problem, make her do the work to find the solution.

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  Reply # 1172214 10-Nov-2014 13:58
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I really worry if small things like this can cause arguments, I can tell you from experience when kids, mortgages and busy working life come on the scene, deciding what social events to attend is a very rare luxury.

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  Reply # 1172223 10-Nov-2014 14:15
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BTR: Happy wife = happy life. Do what you girlfriend wants unless you like playing with fire.

 

Speaking from a woman's perspective, this is the last thing you should do. In a relationship, both parties are ideally looking out for each other and trying to accommodate the other person. Give and take on both sides. Nothing is worse than always having to wonder if suggestions you make are being agreed to because your partner really agrees, or if he is taking the line of least resistance and only agreeing because he doesn't know how to say no. Disagreeing with a partner does not need to be confrontational. We all have to compromise sometimes. But, compromising and feeling resentful is not the way to nurture a good relationship. 

 

It's starting to look like there are a bunch of hen-pecked guys here on Geekzone wink

 

Either that, or some of you haven't worked out how to communicate yet. Women aren't mind-readers. If you don't want to do something then say so. If you love her enough to want to make a life with her then respect her intelligence and remember that as much as you want to please her, she wants to please you. By denying her the opportunity to understand your point of view you are denying her the opportunity to do what she wants - make you happy. Think about it.

 

 

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  Reply # 1172229 10-Nov-2014 14:19
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Elpie:
BTR: Happy wife = happy life. Do what you girlfriend wants unless you like playing with fire.

Speaking from a woman's perspective, this is the last thing you should do. In a relationship, both parties are ideally looking out for each other and trying to accommodate the other person.
 


You are forgetting that most woman under 40ish thesedays suffer from entitled princess syndrome and think that they are all that matters.




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  Reply # 1172258 10-Nov-2014 15:38
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richms:
Elpie:
BTR: Happy wife = happy life. Do what you girlfriend wants unless you like playing with fire.

Speaking from a woman's perspective, this is the last thing you should do. In a relationship, both parties are ideally looking out for each other and trying to accommodate the other person.
 


You are forgetting that most woman under 40ish thesedays suffer from entitled princess syndrome and think that they are all that matters.


I suspect you haven't yet met "most" women under 40ish ;) 
But if that's the only type of woman you are meeting then keep looking. 

adw

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  Reply # 1172277 10-Nov-2014 16:06
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Tell her you love her but your sibling's birthday is as important to you as hers is to her so each should be attended and you can catch up as a couple with the others at a later date.  If she's going to take offense at that then you've got a heck of a hurdle to get over while she grows up (and remember in the future that you might need to compromise over something you'd like her to go to too).

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  Reply # 1172389 10-Nov-2014 19:31
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An interesting thread but I feel we're missing something.

You're worried what will happen when you miss a 12 years old boys birthday..... who has the attention span of a twelve year old boy totally focused on either his mates or the promise of what your girlfriend said you'd get him.

Your sister on the other hand may represent competition for your affections by your girlfriend. How old is your sister going to be?

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  Reply # 1172398 10-Nov-2014 19:54
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This is why, although a nice idea, romantic relationships don't really work very well in practice. Human nature doesn't cope well with being stuck in close proximity to someone for long periods of time and having to negotiate everything ranging from what to watch on TV through to what brand of cornflakes to buy. It inevitably leads to conflicts like this, and the conflict usually escalates over time.

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  Reply # 1172406 10-Nov-2014 20:13
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alasta: This is why, although a nice idea, romantic relationships don't really work very well in practice. Human nature doesn't cope well with being stuck in close proximity to someone for long periods of time and having to negotiate everything ranging from what to watch on TV through to what brand of cornflakes to buy. It inevitably leads to conflicts like this, and the conflict usually escalates over time.


Wow, I thought I was cynical about the world but this is almost nihilistic. You forgot the part where romantic relationships can make you a significantly better person and your life far more pleasant due to learning how to think of other people as well as yourself. I've been with my wife for 14 years and I am much more pleasant and more extreme person because of our relationship.

I'm not saying it's guaranteed to go on forever but I sure hope it does.

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