Geekzone: technology news, blogs, forums
Guest
Welcome Guest.
You haven't logged in yet. If you don't have an account you can register now.
Filter this topic showing only the reply marked as answer View this topic in a long page with up to 500 replies per page Create new topic
1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5

BTR

1469 posts

Uber Geek
+1 received by user: 431


  Reply # 1172601 11-Nov-2014 08:37
One person supports this post
Send private message

alasta: This is why, although a nice idea, romantic relationships don't really work very well in practice. Human nature doesn't cope well with being stuck in close proximity to someone for long periods of time and having to negotiate everything ranging from what to watch on TV through to what brand of cornflakes to buy. It inevitably leads to conflicts like this, and the conflict usually escalates over time.



Sounds like the words of a single man. Not all relationships are like that, a lot probably are but theres a good chunk where both sides get on well.

Like anything in life you pick your battles. If its something trivial then go with what the other person wants, if it means a lot to you dig your heels in.

1377 posts

Uber Geek
+1 received by user: 580


  Reply # 1172605 11-Nov-2014 08:50
3 people support this post
Send private message

alasta: This is why, although a nice idea, romantic relationships don't really work very well in practice. Human nature doesn't cope well with being stuck in close proximity to someone for long periods of time and having to negotiate everything ranging from what to watch on TV through to what brand of cornflakes to buy. It inevitably leads to conflicts like this, and the conflict usually escalates over time.


Today is my 19th wedding anniversary. I met my wife over 25 years ago. Maybe its because we both don't really care for cornflakes except in afghan biscuits...

But I'll take your advice on board and watch out for those inevitable, escalating, irresolvable conflicts.

2091 posts

Uber Geek
+1 received by user: 848


  Reply # 1172627 11-Nov-2014 09:30
2 people support this post
Send private message

alasta: This is why, although a nice idea, romantic relationships don't really work very well in practice. Human nature doesn't cope well with being stuck in close proximity to someone for long periods of time and having to negotiate everything ranging from what to watch on TV through to what brand of cornflakes to buy. It inevitably leads to conflicts like this, and the conflict usually escalates over time.


As has been said - you are so utterly wrong.

Relationships take work and a lot of it. However it is not the endless contest and negotiation you describe. Having someone there to support you and help you through the hard times, celebrate the good and make you be a better person is worth not always watching what you want to on TV.

So no - it isn't like the movies where hot girl and hot guy fall in love and everything is butterflies and rainbows.


edit: we don't eat cornflakes either so maybe that's why those relationships fail..


17605 posts

Uber Geek
+1 received by user: 5064

Trusted
Lifetime subscriber

  Reply # 1172642 11-Nov-2014 09:55
One person supports this post
Send private message

alasta: This is why, although a nice idea, romantic relationships don't really work very well in practice. Human nature doesn't cope well with being stuck in close proximity to someone for long periods of time and having to negotiate everything ranging from what to watch on TV through to what brand of cornflakes to buy. It inevitably leads to conflicts like this, and the conflict usually escalates over time.


ppftttt what are you TALKING about? You might want to talk to my Grandparents who met and married in 4 weeks and got to 55 years of marriage, or my wifes grandparents who reached 65 years of marriage. I have been with my wife 20 years and whilst there have been some rough times, I'd categorise myself as happily married.

There is no doubt that it's hard work, but most things worth having involve at least a little anyway.

1627 posts

Uber Geek
+1 received by user: 386

Lifetime subscriber

  Reply # 1172673 11-Nov-2014 10:30
Send private message

alasta: This is why, although a nice idea, romantic relationships don't really work very well in practice. Human nature doesn't cope well with being stuck in close proximity to someone for long periods of time and having to negotiate everything ranging from what to watch on TV through to what brand of cornflakes to buy. It inevitably leads to conflicts like this, and the conflict usually escalates over time.


@Alasta
You're right that conflict is inevitable but I haven't found that it escalates over time. Relationships aren't purely romantic and they often don't involve much negotiation. I married a woman who had mostly the same goals as I did and we work together to achieve them. It is great to spend long periods of time with someone who wants the same things and is also prepared to forgo some of what they want to achieve that. Every year our love for each other grows.

@golfpunk111
From my perspective your solution (each to their own family) is reasonable. But I know from experience that it probably doesn't address her concerns - spoken and unspoken.  Two people will usually process issues differently so it is worth examining what is happening behind the presenting issue. What might be behind her stance, i.e. what assumptions do you each make about how your relationship should work?
What is behind her commitment to "attending as couples"? Does it signify something more important?
How committed are each of you to the other's family?
Where does compromise fit in her view? Why wouldn't you go with her preference?

Glurp
7813 posts

Uber Geek
+1 received by user: 3639

Subscriber

  Reply # 1172675 11-Nov-2014 10:33
Send private message

Occasional conflict will be part of any relationship. Successful conflict resolution demands reasonable compromise. I would consider contacting both parties organising the celebrations, explaining the situation, and guaging how they feel about the different options. One possibility that has not yet been suggested is offering to visit as a couple a day or so before or after one celebration as well as attending the other celebration together.




I reject your reality and substitute my own. - Adam Savage
 


Mad Scientist
18703 posts

Uber Geek
+1 received by user: 2381

Trusted
Lifetime subscriber

  Reply # 1172682 11-Nov-2014 10:46
Send private message

alasta: This is why, although a nice idea, romantic relationships don't really work very well in practice. Human nature doesn't cope well with being stuck in close proximity to someone for long periods of time and having to negotiate everything ranging from what to watch on TV through to what brand of cornflakes to buy. It inevitably leads to conflicts like this, and the conflict usually escalates over time.


u haven't read networkn & coffeebaron's posts ;p

Mad Scientist
18703 posts

Uber Geek
+1 received by user: 2381

Trusted
Lifetime subscriber

  Reply # 1172684 11-Nov-2014 10:48
Send private message

BTR:
alasta: This is why, although a nice idea, romantic relationships don't really work very well in practice. Human nature doesn't cope well with being stuck in close proximity to someone for long periods of time and having to negotiate everything ranging from what to watch on TV through to what brand of cornflakes to buy. It inevitably leads to conflicts like this, and the conflict usually escalates over time.



Sounds like the words of a single man. Not all relationships are like that, a lot probably are but theres a good chunk where both sides get on well.

Like anything in life you pick your battles. If its something trivial then go with what the other person wants, if it means a lot to you dig your heels in.


conflict is normal.

escalation is a choice.

unfortunately there are 2 parties who have that choice. oops.

596 posts

Ultimate Geek
+1 received by user: 100


  Reply # 1172956 11-Nov-2014 16:37
Send private message


Today is my 19th wedding anniversary. I met my wife over 25 years ago. Maybe its because we both don't really care for cornflakes except in afghan biscuits...

But I'll take your advice on board and watch out for those inevitable, escalating, irresolvable conflicts.

 LOL. Been married 34 years....conflicts? Of course, no-one agrees 100% of the time about everything.

In-Laws? Go, or don't go...no biggie. My partner visited sister not long ago, in another town, I was invited, didn't go.
No-one got all knotted about it - the sister included.

You may argue, well, then move on, life goes on.

11709 posts

Uber Geek
+1 received by user: 3788

Trusted
Lifetime subscriber

  Reply # 1173168 11-Nov-2014 22:17
Send private message

pctek:

Today is my 19th wedding anniversary. I met my wife over 25 years ago. Maybe its because we both don't really care for cornflakes except in afghan biscuits...

But I'll take your advice on board and watch out for those inevitable, escalating, irresolvable conflicts.

 LOL. Been married 34 years....conflicts? Of course, no-one agrees 100% of the time about everything.

In-Laws? Go, or don't go...no biggie. My partner visited sister not long ago, in another town, I was invited, didn't go.
No-one got all knotted about it - the sister included.

You may argue, well, then move on, life goes on.


It gets even more entertaining when a visit to the outlaws requires you to spend up large on an airline ticket to London..! That really can produce a difference of opinion.





Mad Scientist
18703 posts

Uber Geek
+1 received by user: 2381

Trusted
Lifetime subscriber

  Reply # 1173220 11-Nov-2014 23:04
Send private message

*gulp

4781 posts

Uber Geek
+1 received by user: 1932


  Reply # 1175274 13-Nov-2014 15:53
2 people support this post
Send private message

Normal social etiquette is once you have accepted one invitation you stick with it and declined subsequent invitations that clash with exceptions made for highly important events.

I think your solution is very reasonable.  In 5 years the child won't remember if you were there or not.  Your family will understand.

@alasta the modern pantry has room for more than one box of cornflakes.




Mike

11709 posts

Uber Geek
+1 received by user: 3788

Trusted
Lifetime subscriber

  Reply # 1175332 13-Nov-2014 17:04
Send private message

wasabi2k:
alasta: This is why, although a nice idea, romantic relationships don't really work very well in practice. Human nature doesn't cope well with being stuck in close proximity to someone for long periods of time and having to negotiate everything ranging from what to watch on TV through to what brand of cornflakes to buy. It inevitably leads to conflicts like this, and the conflict usually escalates over time.


As has been said - you are so utterly wrong.

Relationships take work and a lot of it. However it is not the endless contest and negotiation you describe. Having someone there to support you and help you through the hard times, celebrate the good and make you be a better person is worth not always watching what you want to on TV.

So no - it isn't like the movies where hot girl and hot guy fall in love and everything is butterflies and rainbows.


edit: we don't eat cornflakes either so maybe that's why those relationships fail..



And there's always the obvious solution: buy two TV's!!





12693 posts

Uber Geek
+1 received by user: 5980

Trusted

  Reply # 1175333 13-Nov-2014 17:06
2 people support this post
Send private message

Geektastic:
pctek:

Today is my 19th wedding anniversary. I met my wife over 25 years ago. Maybe its because we both don't really care for cornflakes except in afghan biscuits...

But I'll take your advice on board and watch out for those inevitable, escalating, irresolvable conflicts.

 LOL. Been married 34 years....conflicts? Of course, no-one agrees 100% of the time about everything.

In-Laws? Go, or don't go...no biggie. My partner visited sister not long ago, in another town, I was invited, didn't go.
No-one got all knotted about it - the sister included.

You may argue, well, then move on, life goes on.


It gets even more entertaining when a visit to the outlaws requires you to spend up large on an airline ticket to London..! That really can produce a difference of opinion.


My In laws are only 2KMs from us and I only visit about once a quarter if really needed and thats too much




Mike
Retired IT Manager. 
The views stated in my posts are my personal views and not that of any other organisation.

 

 It's our only home, lets clean it up then...

 

Take My Advice, Pull Down Your Pants And Slide On The Ice!

 

 


Webhead
2049 posts

Uber Geek
+1 received by user: 654

Moderator
Trusted
Lifetime subscriber

  Reply # 1175406 13-Nov-2014 19:35
Send private message

KiwiNZ: 
My In laws are only 2KMs from us and I only visit about once a quarter if really needed and thats too much


Now I get why you want to be anonymous ;)




1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5
Filter this topic showing only the reply marked as answer View this topic in a long page with up to 500 replies per page Create new topic

Twitter »

Follow us to receive Twitter updates when new discussions are posted in our forums:



Follow us to receive Twitter updates when news items and blogs are posted in our frontpage:



Follow us to receive Twitter updates when tech item prices are listed in our price comparison site:





News »

Intel introduces new NUC kits and NUC mini PCs
Posted 16-Aug-2018 11:03


The Warehouse leaps into the AI future with Google
Posted 15-Aug-2018 17:56


Targus set sights on enterprise and consumer growth in New Zealand
Posted 13-Aug-2018 13:47


Huawei to distribute nova 3i in New Zealand
Posted 9-Aug-2018 16:23


Home robot Vector to be available in New Zealand stores
Posted 9-Aug-2018 14:47


Panasonic announces new 2018 OLED TV line up
Posted 7-Aug-2018 16:38


Kordia completes first live 4K TV broadcast
Posted 1-Aug-2018 13:00


Schools get safer and smarter internet with Managed Network Upgrade
Posted 30-Jul-2018 20:01


DNC wants a safer .nz in the coming year
Posted 26-Jul-2018 16:08


Auldhouse becomes an AWS Authorised Training Delivery Partner in New Zealand
Posted 26-Jul-2018 15:55


Rakuten Kobo launches Kobo Clara HD entry level reader
Posted 26-Jul-2018 15:44


Kiwi team reaches semi-finals at the Microsoft Imagine Cup
Posted 26-Jul-2018 15:38


KidsCan App to Help Kiwi Children in Need
Posted 26-Jul-2018 15:32


FUJIFILM announces new high-performance lenses
Posted 24-Jul-2018 14:57


New FUJIFILM XF10 introduces square mode for Instagram sharing
Posted 24-Jul-2018 14:44



Geekzone Live »

Try automatic live updates from Geekzone directly in your browser, without refreshing the page, with Geekzone Live now.



Are you subscribed to our RSS feed? You can download the latest headlines and summaries from our stories directly to your computer or smartphone by using a feed reader.

Alternatively, you can receive a daily email with Geekzone updates.