Geekzone: technology news, blogs, forums
Guest
Welcome Guest.
You haven't logged in yet. If you don't have an account you can register now.


View this topic in a long page with up to 500 replies per page Create new topic
1 | 2 | 3 
BDFL - Memuneh
61812 posts

Uber Geek
+1 received by user: 12466

Administrator
Trusted
Geekzone
Lifetime subscriber

  Reply # 1588909 9-Jul-2016 16:46
Send private message

eracode:

dejadeadnz:


I recommend Simon Jefferson QC (his rates for opinion/letter work - coming from personal experience of recommending him to friends/family) is highly comparable to Jeremy Sutton's. And Simon is absolutely at the top of the family law business. He may not be in Auckland at the moment, however. In the alternative I recommend Lisa Soljan.


 


P.S. Real life lawyer and I'm someone who on a professional level have had the opportunity to assess the work on Simon and Lisa. And I would recommend them far more highly than Jeremy Sutton.


 


 



IIRC in a thread earlier this year, you described yourself as an 'ex-lawyer'?



And how is this different? He is describing his opinion on someone else's work while being a lawyer.

As I said folks, lay off the bickering and personal stuff or banhammers will be thrown around.




1316 posts

Uber Geek
+1 received by user: 1023

Subscriber

  Reply # 1588912 9-Jul-2016 16:50
3 people support this post
Send private message

Thank you. We can now return to the actual topic at hand.

 

And I think anyone in the situation that the OP and Geese are in will be well-advised to make sure that they look after themselves emotionally and mentally. Talk to trusted friends and family. Ring a helpline or seek some counselling. Yeah, in practical terms the problem(s) for which you are posting about, for want of a better description, suck but getting angry or emotional in any discussions with your exes won't help things.* Also, when you go to any professional, be it a lawyer or counsellor/mediator if you are wanting to head down a more conciliatory route, don't waste your own money by spewing venom on your frustrations with the other person. Stick to the facts, common interests, and compromise/agree on things that don't really undermine your interests. The research is pretty clear in showing that people who get into disputes with their exes but are nonetheless able to reach negotiated outcomes feel much better emotionally for it.

 

 

 

 


 
 
 
 


13908 posts

Uber Geek
+1 received by user: 2530

Trusted

  Reply # 1588936 9-Jul-2016 18:19
Send private message

dejadeadnz:

 

Thank you. We can now return to the actual topic at hand.

 

And I think anyone in the situation that the OP and Geese are in will be well-advised to make sure that they look after themselves emotionally and mentally. Talk to trusted friends and family. Ring a helpline or seek some counselling. Yeah, in practical terms the problem(s) for which you are posting about, for want of a better description, suck but getting angry or emotional in any discussions with your exes won't help things.* Also, when you go to any professional, be it a lawyer or counsellor/mediator if you are wanting to head down a more conciliatory route, don't waste your own money by spewing venom on your frustrations with the other person. Stick to the facts, common interests, and compromise/agree on things that don't really undermine your interests. The research is pretty clear in showing that people who get into disputes with their exes but are nonetheless able to reach negotiated outcomes feel much better emotionally for it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Good post , thanks. In this topic, which I am fortunate not to have been involved with, but have been for child access, its difficult. The end result is really quite easy. Factor in common sense, and your done. But as many of us know, the emotional side takes over. Get some legal advice, that sends a letter with the goal being a solution. The lawyers letter adds weight, a follow up intention for legal action adds more weight. Maybe that can be the straw that pushes this forward


3272 posts

Uber Geek
+1 received by user: 1282

Subscriber

  Reply # 1589093 10-Jul-2016 10:24
Send private message

Is the mortgage still getting paid? If not the default fees and interest. Then the eventual forced sale by the bank, will cause far bigger losses than the lawyers fees.







2087 posts

Uber Geek
+1 received by user: 220

Trusted
Subscriber

  Reply # 1589129 10-Jul-2016 13:23
Send private message

Yes all the bills are being paid no problems there, just the selling of the house that's an issue.




MacBook Pro 13" w/ Touch Bar (Early 2017) | iPad Pro 10.5 Wi-Fi 128GB (Space Grey) | iPhone 8 Plus 64GB (Product RED) | HomePod (Space Grey) | Apple TV 4K | Apple TV (4th Generation) | Apple Watch Series 3 42mm (Space Grey)

5305 posts

Uber Geek
+1 received by user: 2152


  Reply # 1589175 10-Jul-2016 17:30
Send private message

Been there.  Lawyer up ASAP. 

 

You will lose money waiting - it's called interest.  Also at some stage the Auckland housing market might contract. Patience/kindness is like waving a big flag that says "take advantage of me".

 

For example: If she is living in the house and you are paying half or more of the mortgage, then you are probably being taken advantage of.

 

Minimise your legal expenses by avoiding preliminary negotiations via your lawyer.  It almost never works and it is expensive.

 

Go straight to the family court.  They will send you to mediation.  The mediators are usually also family court judges.  This means they are good explaining to you/her what will happen if it goes to court.

 

Make sure any agreement you reach at mediation becomes a court order.  It's then enforceable, including enforcing a sale or ordering her out of the house if she is difficult about selling it.

 

It's worthwhile settling at mediation.  A court hearing is very expensive.





Mike

1316 posts

Uber Geek
+1 received by user: 1023

Subscriber

  Reply # 1589312 10-Jul-2016 22:09
One person supports this post
Send private message

MikeAqua:

 

Been there.  Lawyer up ASAP. 

 

You will lose money waiting - it's called interest.  Also at some stage the Auckland housing market might contract. Patience/kindness is like waving a big flag that says "take advantage of me".

 

For example: If she is living in the house and you are paying half or more of the mortgage, then you are probably being taken advantage of.

 

Minimise your legal expenses by avoiding preliminary negotiations via your lawyer.  It almost never works and it is expensive.

 

Go straight to the family court.  They will send you to mediation.  The mediators are usually also family court judges.  This means they are good explaining to you/her what will happen if it goes to court.

 

Make sure any agreement you reach at mediation becomes a court order.  It's then enforceable, including enforcing a sale or ordering her out of the house if she is difficult about selling it.

 

It's worthwhile settling at mediation.  A court hearing is very expensive.

 

 

No offence, much of this is absolutely terrible and out of date "advice". The stats actually tell you that preliminary negotiations work very well when it is guided by realistic and proper legal advice. You don't necessarily need to grab a lawyer each and sit down together with lawyers on each side of the table to negotiate.

 

Applications under the Property (Relationships) Act require a supporting affidavit and there is no point in litigating or taking steps towards litigation unless your lawyer has already assessed your position and advised as to options. Any lawyer worth their salt will tell you to talk things through first, usually without their input other than preliminary advice and a couple of letters back and forth. This will be cheaper than going straight to drafting formal documents.

 

In addition, the Family Court will NOT send anybody to compulsory mediation or pay for mediation services for relationship property disputes -- at least not the subsidised sort that people are previously used to prior to the commencement of proceedings or at early stages of proceedings. There have been reforms to the Family Court and I have already previewed the lack of this mediation elsewhere. Family Disputes Resolution mediation is not available for non-care of children matters - see http://www.fdrc.co.nz/fdr-mediation-faqs. Also, it is incorrect to suggest that all agreements reached at settlement conferences after negotiation/mediation (here I mean judicial settlement conferences before a Family Court Judge after proceedings/papers are filed and reasonably well-advanced) will instantaneously become a court order.

 

And filing papers and waiting for a judicial settlement conference before a Family Court Judge is unlikely to achieve what Corksta was wanting: speedy and low costs resolution. It will be months before a date for a judicial settlement conference will be allocated after papers are filed. 

 

Corksta: as seemingly the only lawyer who has posted in this thread, may I repeat my previous (very generalised) advice. Go and spend a few hundred bucks and talk to a professional now for an hour or two. Absolutely nobody on here is in position to offer anything better.

 

 

 

 

 

 


5 posts

Wannabe Geek


  Reply # 1592688 14-Jul-2016 18:08
Send private message

Hi,Sorry to hear, am in same boat too, watching with baited breath...Am trying to do everything nice, but am a softy and don't want to rock the boat so to speak. its now being 7mths and my children don't want me, I miss my little dog, and I don't want to do hard ball, (crying into k/b) something has to happen, as I am only holding it together.

 

The Concrete barriers on the motorway are looking rather archituall at the moment, but hey there is always a better day tomorrow, at least i am not handicapped, have my sight and ears so alls good, but it is very hard...

1316 posts

Uber Geek
+1 received by user: 1023

Subscriber

  Reply # 1592711 14-Jul-2016 18:39
3 people support this post
Send private message

kiwi1: Hi,Sorry to hear, am in same boat too, watching with baited breath...Am trying to do everything nice, but am a softy and don't want to rock the boat so to speak. its now being 7mths and my children don't want me, I miss my little dog, and I don't want to do hard ball, (crying into k/b) something has to happen, as I am only holding it together. The Concrete barriers on the motorway are looking rather archituall at the moment, but hey there is always a better day tomorrow, at least i am not handicapped, have my sight and ears so alls good, but it is very hard...

 

 

 

Hi Kiwi1,

 

 

 

You don't sound like you're in an imminent crisis but you might benefit from talking things over with a counselling/mental health professional. This is not to say there's anything "wrong" with you but as people go through the kind of things you are going through, life can be very difficult. Go see your GP and he/she can arrange the appropriate referrals for you. You may be eligible for up to 6 free sessions of free counselling or other similar services. In the long run, as regards to your family relationships issues, you'll be well-advised to go see a lawyer. Legal aid is unfortunately hard to get if you cannot afford private lawyers' fees but search on the Family Law Section website of the NZ Law Society (www.familylaw.org.nz) and you should be able to locate lawyers who work on legal aid. They will be able to tell you whether you are eligible.

 

 

 

 




2087 posts

Uber Geek
+1 received by user: 220

Trusted
Subscriber

  Reply # 1592717 14-Jul-2016 19:01
One person supports this post
Send private message

kiwi1: Hi,Sorry to hear, am in same boat too, watching with baited breath...Am trying to do everything nice, but am a softy and don't want to rock the boat so to speak. its now being 7mths and my children don't want me, I miss my little dog, and I don't want to do hard ball, (crying into k/b) something has to happen, as I am only holding it together. The Concrete barriers on the motorway are looking rather archituall at the moment, but hey there is always a better day tomorrow, at least i am not handicapped, have my sight and ears so alls good, but it is very hard...

 

 

 

Yes it is super hard, even when you're the one wanting it to end.

 

I would really suggest counselling. I've used it, that's what they are there for, and you need to talk about stuff we're just not designed to hold things in and deal with it on our own.





MacBook Pro 13" w/ Touch Bar (Early 2017) | iPad Pro 10.5 Wi-Fi 128GB (Space Grey) | iPhone 8 Plus 64GB (Product RED) | HomePod (Space Grey) | Apple TV 4K | Apple TV (4th Generation) | Apple Watch Series 3 42mm (Space Grey)

13908 posts

Uber Geek
+1 received by user: 2530

Trusted

  Reply # 1592768 14-Jul-2016 20:24
Send private message

corksta:

 

kiwi1: Hi,Sorry to hear, am in same boat too, watching with baited breath...Am trying to do everything nice, but am a softy and don't want to rock the boat so to speak. its now being 7mths and my children don't want me, I miss my little dog, and I don't want to do hard ball, (crying into k/b) something has to happen, as I am only holding it together. The Concrete barriers on the motorway are looking rather archituall at the moment, but hey there is always a better day tomorrow, at least i am not handicapped, have my sight and ears so alls good, but it is very hard...

 

 

 

Yes it is super hard, even when you're the one wanting it to end.

 

I would really suggest counselling. I've used it, that's what they are there for, and you need to talk about stuff we're just not designed to hold things in and deal with it on our own.

 

 

It is a sad situation. My issue was access, many a long night thinking, coffee, ran out of coffee, so Milo. Ugh. Dig in, and take advice from here, both of you. Cheers DJ for commenting to help these guys.


3183 posts

Uber Geek
+1 received by user: 791


  Reply # 1592770 14-Jul-2016 20:28
Send private message

corksta:

kiwi1: Hi,Sorry to hear, am in same boat too, watching with baited breath...Am trying to do everything nice, but am a softy and don't want to rock the boat so to speak. its now being 7mths and my children don't want me, I miss my little dog, and I don't want to do hard ball, (crying into k/b) something has to happen, as I am only holding it together. The Concrete barriers on the motorway are looking rather archituall at the moment, but hey there is always a better day tomorrow, at least i am not handicapped, have my sight and ears so alls good, but it is very hard...


 


Yes it is super hard, even when you're the one wanting it to end.


I would really suggest counselling. I've used it, that's what they are there for, and you need to talk about stuff we're just not designed to hold things in and deal with it on our own.



Totally agree with the previous posters about talking this stuff through with someone. Just in case this is relevant in your situation: most government agencies (and perhaps a number of corporates?) also provide their employees with access to free and confidential counselling, provided by an outside organisation. Something like three initial sessions and more if required. This can be for any reason, personal or professional; I have found it invaluable on a couple of occasions over the years...



2087 posts

Uber Geek
+1 received by user: 220

Trusted
Subscriber

  Reply # 1592796 14-Jul-2016 20:52
One person supports this post
Send private message

jonathan18:
corksta:

kiwi1: Hi,Sorry to hear, am in same boat too, watching with baited breath...Am trying to do everything nice, but am a softy and don't want to rock the boat so to speak. its now being 7mths and my children don't want me, I miss my little dog, and I don't want to do hard ball, (crying into k/b) something has to happen, as I am only holding it together. The Concrete barriers on the motorway are looking rather archituall at the moment, but hey there is always a better day tomorrow, at least i am not handicapped, have my sight and ears so alls good, but it is very hard...


 


Yes it is super hard, even when you're the one wanting it to end.


I would really suggest counselling. I've used it, that's what they are there for, and you need to talk about stuff we're just not designed to hold things in and deal with it on our own.



Totally agree with the previous posters about talking this stuff through with someone. Just in case this is relevant in your situation: most government agencies (and perhaps a number of corporates?) also provide their employees with access to free and confidential counselling, provided by an outside organisation. Something like three initial sessions and more if required. This can be for any reason, personal or professional; I have found it invaluable on a couple of occasions over the years...


EAP.

That's who my company use and they are good.




MacBook Pro 13" w/ Touch Bar (Early 2017) | iPad Pro 10.5 Wi-Fi 128GB (Space Grey) | iPhone 8 Plus 64GB (Product RED) | HomePod (Space Grey) | Apple TV 4K | Apple TV (4th Generation) | Apple Watch Series 3 42mm (Space Grey)

3154 posts

Uber Geek
+1 received by user: 965

Trusted
Lifetime subscriber

  Reply # 1592802 14-Jul-2016 21:07
Send private message

dejadeadnz: Go and spend a few hundred bucks and talk to a professional now for an hour or two.

 

This is what I did when I split with my wife 11 years ago. An extremely highly regarded lawyer in this field and about $300/hr at the time. It wasn't easy but I figured it had to be done.

 

Like you, when I moved out I was paying half the mortgage. One of the first questions I was asked was "Why?" That was fairly quickly followed up with "you no longer live there so you're not going to be doing that anymore."


1 | 2 | 3 
View this topic in a long page with up to 500 replies per page Create new topic



Twitter »

Follow us to receive Twitter updates when new discussions are posted in our forums:



Follow us to receive Twitter updates when news items and blogs are posted in our frontpage:



Follow us to receive Twitter updates when tech item prices are listed in our price comparison site:



Geekzone Live »

Try automatic live updates from Geekzone directly in your browser, without refreshing the page, with Geekzone Live now.


Geekzone Live »

Our community of supporters help make Geekzone possible. Click the button below to join them.

Support Geezone on PressPatron



Are you subscribed to our RSS feed? You can download the latest headlines and summaries from our stories directly to your computer or smartphone by using a feed reader.

Alternatively, you can receive a daily email with Geekzone updates.