Geekzone: technology news, blogs, forums
Guest
Welcome Guest.
You haven't logged in yet. If you don't have an account you can register now.


Filter this topic showing only the reply marked as answer View this topic in a long page with up to 500 replies per page Create new topic
1 | ... | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20
Overarching undertones
3840 posts

Uber Geek

Subscriber

  # 1879383 8-Oct-2017 13:49
2 people support this post
Send private message quote this post

Did you hear about the constipated accountant?

 

He couldn't budgit.


6615 posts

Uber Geek
Inactive user


  # 1926391 28-Dec-2017 23:17
Send private message quote this post

Why does Nasa only offer Sprite? 

They Couldn't get 7 Up


 
 
 
 


4431 posts

Uber Geek
Inactive user


  # 1926393 28-Dec-2017 23:24
Send private message quote this post

Monty Python "What is my theory?"


6615 posts

Uber Geek
Inactive user


  # 1926396 28-Dec-2017 23:58
Send private message quote this post

Ey what the heck?? Whos the BMW Driver Now?

 

 

BMW Driving School:

Not this Mister Miller!! First the Indicators then the Highbeams!!


 

Glad we found a shady spot.

 


18078 posts

Uber Geek

Trusted

  # 1926412 29-Dec-2017 07:51
One person supports this post
Send private message quote this post

A New Year's resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.


2001 posts

Uber Geek


  # 1935948 11-Jan-2018 07:20
One person supports this post
Send private message quote this post

Why did the mathematician not know if it was Christmas or Hallowe'en?

 

.

 

.

 

Because DEC25==OCT31

 

 





"I have noticed even people who claim everything is predestined, and that we can do nothing to change it, look before they cross the road." -  Stephen Hawking


2001 posts

Uber Geek


  # 1959591 17-Feb-2018 13:20
2 people support this post
Send private message quote this post

I'll just leave this here.

 





"I have noticed even people who claim everything is predestined, and that we can do nothing to change it, look before they cross the road." -  Stephen Hawking


 
 
 
 


4931 posts

Uber Geek

Trusted

  # 1959595 17-Feb-2018 13:30
2 people support this post
Send private message quote this post

The Top Ten Times in History When Using the "F" Word was Appropriate

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

10.

 

 

 

"What the f was that?"
-- The Mayor of Hiroshima

 

 

 

9.

 

 

 

"Where did all these f.ing Indians come from?"
-- General Custer

 

 

 

8.

 

 

 

"Any f.ing idiot could understand that."
-- Albert Einstein

 

 

 

7.

 

 

 

"It does SO f.ing look like her!"
-- Pablo Picasso

 

 

 

6.

 

 

 

"How the f did you work that out?"
-- Pythagorus

 

 

 

5.

 

 

 

"You want WHAT on the f.ing ceiling?"
-- Michaelangelo

 

 

 

4.

 

 

 

"I don't suppose it's gonna f.ing rain."
-- Joan of Arc

 

 

 

3.

 

 

 

"Scattered f.ing showers...my ass!"
-- Noah

 

 

 

2.

 

 

 

"I need this parade like I need a f.ing hole in my head!"
-- JFK

 

 

 

1.

 

 

 

1. "Aw, c'mon Monica, who the f is gonna find out?"
-- Bill Clinton

 

 

 


Overarching undertones
3840 posts

Uber Geek

Subscriber

  # 1996908 16-Apr-2018 11:09
2 people support this post
Send private message quote this post

An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Latvian, a Turk, a German, an Indian, several Americans (including a Hawaiian and an Alaskan), an Argentinean, a Dane, an Australian, a Slovak, an Egyptian, a Japanese, a Moroccan, a Frenchman, a New Zealander, a Spaniard, a Russian, a Guatemalan, a Colombian, a Pakistani, a Malaysian, a Croatian, a Uzbek, a Cypriot, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Chinese, a Sri Lankan, a Lebanese, a Cayman Islander, a Ugandan, a Vietnamese, a Korean, a Uruguayan, a Czech, an Icelander, a Mexican, a Finn, a Honduran, a Panamanian, an Andorran, an Israeli, a Venezuelan, an Iranian, a Fijian, a Peruvian, an Estonian, a Syrian, a Brazilian, a Portuguese, a Liechtensteiner, a Mongolian, a Hungarian, a Canadian, a Moldovan, a Haitian, a Norfolk Islander, a Macedonian, a Bolivian, a Cook Islander, a Tajikistani, a Samoan, an Armenian, an Aruban, an Albanian, a Greenlander, a Micronesian, a Virgin Islander, a Georgian, a Bahaman, a Belarusian, a Cuban, a Tongan, a Cambodian, a Canadian, a Qatari, an Azerbaijani, a Romanian, a Chilean, a Jamaican, a Filipino, a Ukrainian, a Dutchman, a Ecuadorian, a Costa Rican, a Swede, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Swiss, a Greek, a Belgian, a Singaporean, an Italian, a Norwegian and 2 Africans walk into a fine restaurant.

 

"I'm sorry" says the maître d', after scrutinizing the group. "But you can't come in here without a Thai".

 

 


Overarching undertones
3840 posts

Uber Geek

Subscriber

  # 1996940 16-Apr-2018 11:55
2 people support this post
Send private message quote this post

eracode:

 

An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Latvian, a Turk, a German, an Indian, several Americans (including a Hawaiian and an Alaskan), an Argentinean, a Dane, an Australian, a Slovak, an Egyptian, a Japanese, a Moroccan, a Frenchman, a New Zealander, a Spaniard, a Russian, a Guatemalan, a Colombian, a Pakistani, a Malaysian, a Croatian, a Uzbek, a Cypriot, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Chinese, a Sri Lankan, a Lebanese, a Cayman Islander, a Ugandan, a Vietnamese, a Korean, a Uruguayan, a Czech, an Icelander, a Mexican, a Finn, a Honduran, a Panamanian, an Andorran, an Israeli, a Venezuelan, an Iranian, a Fijian, a Peruvian, an Estonian, a Syrian, a Brazilian, a Portuguese, a Liechtensteiner, a Mongolian, a Hungarian, a Canadian, a Moldovan, a Haitian, a Norfolk Islander, a Macedonian, a Bolivian, a Cook Islander, a Tajikistani, a Samoan, an Armenian, an Aruban, an Albanian, a Greenlander, a Micronesian, a Virgin Islander, a Georgian, a Bahaman, a Belarusian, a Cuban, a Tongan, a Cambodian, a Canadian, a Qatari, an Azerbaijani, a Romanian, a Chilean, a Jamaican, a Filipino, a Ukrainian, a Dutchman, a Ecuadorian, a Costa Rican, a Swede, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Swiss, a Greek, a Belgian, a Singaporean, an Italian, a Norwegian and 2 Africans walk into a fine restaurant.

 

"I'm sorry" says the maître d', after scrutinizing the group. "But you can't come in here without a Thai".

 

 

 

 

 

 

This joke is racist, sexist, ageist and all sorts of other -ists. How come:

 

There’s a Virgin Islander but no Slut Islander,

 

A Micronesian but no Macronesian,

 

No Old Zealander,

 

A Cook Islander but no Chef Islander,

 

A Turk but no Chick,

 

A Pole but no Dancer,

 

A Swede but no Parsnip,

 

A Cuban but no Polyhedran,

 

A Chilean but no Capsicuman,

 

An Hawaiian but no Meatlovers,

 

A Swede but no Blue Shoes, and

 

A Finn but no Fleetwood.


13313 posts

Uber Geek

Trusted
Lifetime subscriber

  # 1996963 16-Apr-2018 12:30
One person supports this post
Send private message quote this post

What do you call an alligator in a waistcoat?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Investigator....






273 posts

Ultimate Geek


  # 1997162 16-Apr-2018 15:32
2 people support this post
Send private message quote this post

It's late fall and the Indians on a remote reservation in South Dakota asked their new chief if the coming winter was going to be cold or mild.

 

 

 

Since he was a chief in a modern society, he had never been taught the old secrets. When he looked at the sky, he couldn't tell what the winter was going to be like.

 

 

 

Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he told his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect firewood to be prepared.

 

 

 

But, being a practical leader, after several days, he got an idea. He went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked, 'Is the coming winter going to be cold?'

 

 

 

'It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold,' the meteorologist at the weather service responded.

 

 

 

So the chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more firewood in order to be prepared.

 

 

 

A week later, he called the National Weather Service again. 'Does it still look like it is going to be a very cold winter?'

 

 

 

'Yes,' the man at National Weather Service again replied, 'it's going to be a very cold winter.'

 

 

 

The chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of firewood they could find.

 

 

 

Two weeks later, the chief called the National Weather Service again. 'Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?'

 

 

 

'Absolutely,' the man replied. 'It's looking more and more like it is going to be one of the coldest winters we've ever seen.'

 

 

 

'How can you be so sure?' the chief asked.

 

 

 

The weatherman replied, 'The Indians are collecting a s***load of firewood.'


Overarching undertones
3840 posts

Uber Geek

Subscriber

  # 2096242 25-Sep-2018 16:42
2 people support this post
Send private message quote this post

In the UK, some supermarkets have admitted that there is horse meat in their home cooked burgers.

 


Even places like Burger King have had to admit that there are "small amounts" of horse meat in their burgers.

Tesco is a big supermarket chain in the UK

Within hours of the news that Tesco's 'all beef  hamburgers' contained 30% horse meat, these quips hit the  Internet


"I'm so hungry, I could eat a horse..... I  guess Tesco just listened!



Anyone want a burger from Tesco? Yay or neigh?



Not entirely sure how Tesco are  going to get over this hurdle



Waitress in Tesco asked if I wanted anything on my Burger. So I had £5 each way!



Had some burgers from Tesco for my tea last night. I still have a bit between my teeth.



A woman has been taken into hospital after eating horse meat burgers from Tesco. Her condition is said to be stable.



Tesco are now testing all their vegetarian burgers for traces of unicorn



"I've just checked the Tesco burgers in my freezer ... "AND THEY'RE OFF!"



Tesco now forced to deny the presence of zebra in burgers, as shoppers confuse barcodes for serving suggestions.



Said to the missus, "These Tesco burgers give me the trots...



"To beef or not to beef, that is equestrian".....



A cow walks into a bar. Barman says, "Why the long face?". Cow says "Illegal ingredients, coming over here stealing our jobs!"



I hear the smaller version of those Tesco burgers make great horse d'oeuvres.



These Tesco burger jokes are going on a bit...Talk about flogging a dead horse.



Last night the wife made meatloaf, so I had dinner with two nags.

 



Instead of choosing "rare, medium or well done, it's now Win, Place or Show"





13313 posts

Uber Geek

Trusted
Lifetime subscriber

  # 2096338 25-Sep-2018 18:06
Send private message quote this post

Coil:

Why does Nasa only offer Sprite? 

They Couldn't get 7 Up



I know a rude version of that involving Snow White...





13313 posts

Uber Geek

Trusted
Lifetime subscriber

  # 2096340 25-Sep-2018 18:08
Send private message quote this post

This cafe is very expensive darling!

You're right! I didn't even know Louis Vuitton made tea bags!





1 | ... | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20
Filter this topic showing only the reply marked as answer View this topic in a long page with up to 500 replies per page Create new topic



Twitter and LinkedIn »



Follow us to receive Twitter updates when new discussions are posted in our forums:



Follow us to receive Twitter updates when news items and blogs are posted in our frontpage:



Follow us to receive Twitter updates when tech item prices are listed in our price comparison site:





News »

Logitech introduces new Made for Google keyboard and mouse devices
Posted 16-Oct-2019 13:36


MATTR launches to accelerate decentralised identity
Posted 16-Oct-2019 10:28


Vodafone X-Squad powers up for customers
Posted 16-Oct-2019 08:15


D Link ANZ launches EXO Smart Mesh Wi Fi Routers with McAfee protection
Posted 15-Oct-2019 11:31


Major Japanese retailer partners with smart New Zealand technology IMAGR
Posted 14-Oct-2019 10:29


Ola pioneers one-time passcode feature to fight rideshare fraud
Posted 14-Oct-2019 10:24


Spark Sport new home of NZC matches from 2020
Posted 10-Oct-2019 09:59


Meet Nola, Noel Leeming's new digital employee
Posted 4-Oct-2019 08:07


Registrations for Sprout Accelerator open for 2020 season
Posted 4-Oct-2019 08:02


Teletrac Navman welcomes AI tech leader Jens Meggers as new President
Posted 4-Oct-2019 07:41


Vodafone makes voice of 4G (VoLTE) official
Posted 4-Oct-2019 07:36


2degrees Reaches Milestone of 100,000 Broadband Customers
Posted 1-Oct-2019 09:17


Nokia 1 Plus available in New Zealand from 2nd October
Posted 30-Sep-2019 17:46


Ola integrates Apple Pay as payment method in New Zealand
Posted 25-Sep-2019 09:51


Facebook Portal to land in New Zealand
Posted 19-Sep-2019 18:35



Geekzone Live »

Try automatic live updates from Geekzone directly in your browser, without refreshing the page, with Geekzone Live now.


Support Geekzone »

Our community of supporters help make Geekzone possible. Click the button below to join them.

Support Geezone on PressPatron



Are you subscribed to our RSS feed? You can download the latest headlines and summaries from our stories directly to your computer or smartphone by using a feed reader.

Alternatively, you can receive a daily email with Geekzone updates.