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  Reply # 1628247 12-Sep-2016 22:36
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The Mother Superior was having a bath when there was a knock on the door.

 

"Err, who is it?" She asked

 

"The blind man."

 

"Oh, come in then."

 

"Hmmm, nice boobs - now, where shall I put this blind?"






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  Reply # 1628264 12-Sep-2016 23:09
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If a blind woman tells a man that he's well-endowed, she's probably just pulling his leg.


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  Reply # 1628283 13-Sep-2016 02:15
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What's brown and sounds like a bell?

 

DUNG!!


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  Reply # 1628284 13-Sep-2016 02:19
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There was a young man from Leeds

 

Who swallowed a packet of seeds

 

Great tufts of grass

 

Grew out of his ar*e

 

And his c*ck was all covered in weeds.


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  Reply # 1628293 13-Sep-2016 06:14
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When I die I'd rather go peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather rather than screaming in terror like his passengers. 

 

I like this one as my grandfather passed away from a sudden bleed on the brain while driving, he was 87 years old and simply went to sleep.


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  Reply # 1628297 13-Sep-2016 06:46
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Why don't cannibal children like clowns?

 

They taste funny.

 

 


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  Reply # 1628324 13-Sep-2016 08:39
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How do you confuse an irishman, put two shovels in a corner and tell him to take his pick.


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  Reply # 1628333 13-Sep-2016 08:52
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The following is favourite from my childhood:

 

Q. What is there in common between wiping your bum and the Starship Enterprise?

 

A. They both circle around Uranus searching for Klingons.


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  Reply # 1628335 13-Sep-2016 09:03
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This one works better in person.

 

 

 

Knock knock.

 

Who's there?

 

The interrupting cow.

 

The interr...?

 

Moo.





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  Reply # 1628347 13-Sep-2016 09:10
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eracode:

 

What do you call a guy with two rabbits up his backside?

 

Warren.

 

What do you call a guy with a spade jammed in his head?

 

Doug.

 

 

There's a few more in this series...

 

What do you call a guy without a spade in his head?

 

Douglas.

 

 

 

What do you call a deer with no eyes?

 

No idea.

 

What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?

 

Still no idea.

 

 

 

What do you call a man with a seagull on his head?

 

Cliff.

 

 

 

and so on, ad nauseum... 


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  Reply # 1628349 13-Sep-2016 09:11
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timmmay:

 

This one works better in person.

 

 

 

Knock knock.

 

Who's there?

 

The interrupting cow.

 

The interr...?

 

Moo.

 

 

One of my sons' favourite jokes a while back; the problem was the four-year-old didn't really get it, so would only moo after the other person had completed "The interrupting cow who?" line!


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  Reply # 1628365 13-Sep-2016 09:39
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Quite fond of Robin Williams Russian secret police joke -

 

 

 

Knock knock

 

Who's there

 

We ask the questions...





rb99


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  Reply # 1628369 13-Sep-2016 09:50
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Ronald Reagan's favourite Russian joke:

 

 

 

A man walks into a store in Moscow and looks around at the empty shelves. 

 

Walking up to the assistant, he says "Good morning, Comrade, I see you have no bread?"

 

 

 

 

 

The assistant replies "No, Comrade - we have no fish. The shop with no bread is next door."






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  Reply # 1628372 13-Sep-2016 09:52
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There's two goldfish in a tank. One says to the other "Well, I hope you know how to drive this thing!"

 

 

 

 

 

There's two chimps in the bath. One says "OOOooo ooooo aaaahhh ahhh ahhh!!" The second chimp says "Well, put some more cold water in!"


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  Reply # 1628413 13-Sep-2016 10:31
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 Two ISIS mothers are at the park watching their children play. One mother turns to the other and says "I really enjoy children when they are this age".

 

The other ISIS mother agrees, "Yes, me too, but they blow up so fast!"


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