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Fred99
13684 posts

Uber Geek


  #1628422 13-Sep-2016 10:42
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The difference between a goldfish and a goat - one mucks around the fountain.


BlueShift
1632 posts

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  #1628436 13-Sep-2016 11:02
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Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill?

 

 

 

To get to the bottom!


Fred99
13684 posts

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  #1628457 13-Sep-2016 11:23
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Masochist in chains, screaming "lash me - lash me" to whip-wielding sadist.

 

"No".


nzlegs
51 posts

Master Geek


  #1628495 13-Sep-2016 12:19
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The nerve of some people -

I had my next door neighbour bashing on my front door at 2:30 this morning.

Luckily I was still up, practicing my bagpipes.


DarthKermit
5346 posts

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  #1628581 13-Sep-2016 14:08
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Oscar Pistorious apologised for shooting his girlfriend.

 

He said it was dark and he couldn't see two feet in front of him.


Fred99
13684 posts

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  #1628594 13-Sep-2016 14:26
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sen8or
1333 posts

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  #1628607 13-Sep-2016 14:52
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My mom asked me the other day if I'd heard that grandad had gotten himself burned?

 

I asked how bad it was?

 

"Well, they don't mess about at the crematorium"

 

 

 

 


Sam91
620 posts

Ultimate Geek


  #1628616 13-Sep-2016 15:04
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DarthKermit:

 

Oscar Pistorious apologised for shooting his girlfriend.

 

He said it was dark and he couldn't see two feet in front of him.

 



Your joke reminded me of this.


Fred99
13684 posts

Uber Geek


  #1628745 13-Sep-2016 16:45
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Horse and cow in the paddock, chewing the cud, discussing topical issues, 1/4" TRS jacks vs exploding batteries, Hillary's health, house prices.

 

Dog comes bounding over, panting and shaking "excuse me ladies, I'm a bit lost, would you be so kind as to direct me to the sheep yard at Tucker's farm".

 

Horse reels in amazement, turns to cow, "look - a talking dog".


JonnyCam
611 posts

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  #1628753 13-Sep-2016 17:04
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I visited the zoo the other day, but they only had one dog on display.

 

 

 

It was a Shih Tzu


geek4me
843 posts

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  #1628786 13-Sep-2016 17:52
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How did the elephant get an electric shock?

 

He stood on a bun and the currant went up his leg.


frankv
5116 posts

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  #1628872 13-Sep-2016 20:15
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Sam91:

 

DarthKermit:

 

Oscar Pistorious apologised for shooting his girlfriend.

 

He said it was dark and he couldn't see two feet in front of him.

 



Your joke reminded me of this.

 

 

I laughed. 

 

But I knew Oscar Pistorius was going to be found guilty... he didn't have a leg to stand on.

 

 


tdgeek
26508 posts

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  #1628922 13-Sep-2016 20:53
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BlueShift:

 

Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill?

 

 

 

To get to the bottom!

 

 

How do you make a sausage roll?

 

 

 

Let it go at the top of a hill


Dratsab
3810 posts

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  #1629032 14-Sep-2016 03:29
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I went into a watch store the other day and asked for a watch. The assistant said "analogue?" I said "no, just a watch".

kiwirock
658 posts

Ultimate Geek


  #1629034 14-Sep-2016 04:25
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Why do they put walls or fences around grave yards?

 

'Cause people are dying to get in.


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