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  Reply # 1628422 13-Sep-2016 10:42
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The difference between a goldfish and a goat - one mucks around the fountain.


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  Reply # 1628436 13-Sep-2016 11:02
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Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill?

 

 

 

To get to the bottom!


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  Reply # 1628457 13-Sep-2016 11:23
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Masochist in chains, screaming "lash me - lash me" to whip-wielding sadist.

 

"No".


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  Reply # 1628495 13-Sep-2016 12:19
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The nerve of some people -

I had my next door neighbour bashing on my front door at 2:30 this morning.

Luckily I was still up, practicing my bagpipes.


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  Reply # 1628581 13-Sep-2016 14:08
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Oscar Pistorious apologised for shooting his girlfriend.

 

He said it was dark and he couldn't see two feet in front of him.


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  Reply # 1628594 13-Sep-2016 14:26
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  Reply # 1628607 13-Sep-2016 14:52
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My mom asked me the other day if I'd heard that grandad had gotten himself burned?

 

I asked how bad it was?

 

"Well, they don't mess about at the crematorium"

 

 

 

 


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  Reply # 1628616 13-Sep-2016 15:04
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DarthKermit:

 

Oscar Pistorious apologised for shooting his girlfriend.

 

He said it was dark and he couldn't see two feet in front of him.

 



Your joke reminded me of this.


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  Reply # 1628745 13-Sep-2016 16:45
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Horse and cow in the paddock, chewing the cud, discussing topical issues, 1/4" TRS jacks vs exploding batteries, Hillary's health, house prices.

 

Dog comes bounding over, panting and shaking "excuse me ladies, I'm a bit lost, would you be so kind as to direct me to the sheep yard at Tucker's farm".

 

Horse reels in amazement, turns to cow, "look - a talking dog".


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  Reply # 1628753 13-Sep-2016 17:04
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I visited the zoo the other day, but they only had one dog on display.

 

 

 

It was a Shih Tzu


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  Reply # 1628786 13-Sep-2016 17:52
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How did the elephant get an electric shock?

 

He stood on a bun and the currant went up his leg.


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  Reply # 1628872 13-Sep-2016 20:15
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Sam91:

 

DarthKermit:

 

Oscar Pistorious apologised for shooting his girlfriend.

 

He said it was dark and he couldn't see two feet in front of him.

 



Your joke reminded me of this.

 

 

I laughed. embarassed

 

But I knew Oscar Pistorius was going to be found guilty... he didn't have a leg to stand on.

 

 


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  Reply # 1628922 13-Sep-2016 20:53
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BlueShift:

 

Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill?

 

 

 

To get to the bottom!

 

 

How do you make a sausage roll?

 

 

 

Let it go at the top of a hill


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  Reply # 1629032 14-Sep-2016 03:29
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I went into a watch store the other day and asked for a watch. The assistant said "analogue?" I said "no, just a watch".

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  Reply # 1629034 14-Sep-2016 04:25
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Why do they put walls or fences around grave yards?

 

'Cause people are dying to get in.


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