Geekzone: technology news, blogs, forums
Guest
Welcome Guest.
You haven't logged in yet. If you don't have an account you can register now.


Filter this topic showing only the reply marked as answer View this topic in a long page with up to 500 replies per page Create new topic
1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | ... | 20
21280 posts

Uber Geek

Trusted
Lifetime subscriber

  # 1629040 14-Sep-2016 07:23
Send private message quote this post

froob:

 

What's brown and sticky?

 

A stick.

 

 

Aww you went and ruined it. 

 

 

 

The punchline to that joke is: 

 

 

 

A brown stick.


21280 posts

Uber Geek

Trusted
Lifetime subscriber

  # 1629042 14-Sep-2016 07:28
One person supports this post
Send private message quote this post

Why don't blind people skydive? Because it scares the living sh*t out of the dogs!


 
 
 
 


1457 posts

Uber Geek


  # 1629070 14-Sep-2016 09:00
Send private message quote this post

What has two legs and bleeds?

 

Half a dog.


1144 posts

Uber Geek


  # 1629172 14-Sep-2016 11:24
2 people support this post
Send private message quote this post

Geektastic:

 

Ronald Reagan's favourite Russian joke:

 

A man walks into a store in Moscow and looks around at the empty shelves. 

 

Walking up to the assistant, he says "Good morning, Comrade, I see you have no bread?"

 

The assistant replies "No, Comrade - we have no fish. The shop with no bread is next door."

 

 

That is the most silly joke ever.. here is why:

 

The bread in USSR was always available, high quality and cheap.

 

Bread/Salary ratio would be comparable to today's NZ. Income tax was few times less, there were NO mortgages - appartments were FREE for working class.

 

We lived in 3 bedroom penthouse with a 180 degrees sea view. Something similar in Auckland would cost over $5 mil.

 

For comparison - 8 Hereford Street (in the past occupied by Telecom NZ and now turned into appartments, selling each for ~$3.5 mil) has no near good views which I had in 1969 for free.

 

The fish in the Russian Fat East was always on the shelves: wild salmon (times better than that farmed NZ salmon raised on GM soya), and 5 other red fish varieties plus scallops and huge Pacific Crabs (1/5 meter in size) - the food I had as a kid. We did not have mandarines (imported luxury) but we were growing our own apples (I have plunted 5 trees myself at my batch house) and plums.

 

What is remarkable - we had absolutly no fat/overweight people. If you met one - that would be rare case. USA has millions of overweight citizens. Coke / McDonalds / Potato Chips / KFC - that is really a Joke when it comes to food.

 

In 1994 - One American told me one joke about themselves:

 

Newspaper add: "Down Missisipi river, all inclusive, $25 only".

 

The guy pays on the spot -> knocked on the head -> came to his senses while free floating down Missisipi river with another dude going side by side. - "They said, all inclusive, I wonder if they will feed us a lunch? The other guy replied - " Last time they have not." :-)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


3435 posts

Uber Geek

Trusted
Lifetime subscriber

  # 1630183 14-Sep-2016 12:32
3 people support this post
Send private message quote this post

RUKI:

Geektastic:


Ronald Reagan's favourite Russian joke:


A man walks into a store in Moscow and looks around at the empty shelves. 


Walking up to the assistant, he says "Good morning, Comrade, I see you have no bread?"


The assistant replies "No, Comrade - we have no fish. The shop with no bread is next door."



That is the most silly joke ever.. here is why:


Talk about a million miles off topic..! There's a reason this is called the "Silly joke thread" as opposed to the "Factually accurate joke thread".

3435 posts

Uber Geek

Trusted
Lifetime subscriber

  # 1630184 14-Sep-2016 12:36
3 people support this post
Send private message quote this post

Two Inuit fishermen were out in their kayak during an Arctic winter trying to catch some food to feed their families. One of them was continually complaining about the bitter cold so his mate lit a fire to warm them both up. The kayak promptly caught fire and sank thereby proving the adage you can't have your kayak and heat it.

1457 posts

Uber Geek


  # 1630191 14-Sep-2016 12:48
Send private message quote this post

Why is a psycho ex like a box of chocolates?

 

 

 

They'll kill your dog.


 
 
 
 


Overarching undertones
3840 posts

Uber Geek

Subscriber

  # 1630195 14-Sep-2016 13:01
One person supports this post
Send private message quote this post

RUKI:

 

Geektastic:

 

Ronald Reagan's favourite Russian joke:

 

A man walks into a store in Moscow and looks around at the empty shelves. 

 

Walking up to the assistant, he says "Good morning, Comrade, I see you have no bread?"

 

The assistant replies "No, Comrade - we have no fish. The shop with no bread is next door."

 

 

That is the most silly joke ever.. here is why:

 

The bread in USSR was always available, high quality and cheap.

 

Bread/Salary ratio would be comparable to today's NZ. Income tax was few times less, there were NO mortgages - appartments were FREE for working class.

 

We lived in 3 bedroom penthouse with a 180 degrees sea view. Something similar in Auckland would cost over $5 mil.

 

For comparison - 8 Hereford Street (in the past occupied by Telecom NZ and now turned into appartments, selling each for ~$3.5 mil) has no near good views which I had in 1969 for free.

 

The fish in the Russian Fat East was always on the shelves: wild salmon (times better than that farmed NZ salmon raised on GM soya), and 5 other red fish varieties plus scallops and huge Pacific Crabs (1/5 meter in size) - the food I had as a kid. We did not have mandarines (imported luxury) but we were growing our own apples (I have plunted 5 trees myself at my batch house) and plums.

 

What is remarkable - we had absolutly no fat/overweight people. If you met one - that would be rare case. USA has millions of overweight citizens. Coke / McDonalds / Potato Chips / KFC - that is really a Joke when it comes to food.

 

In 1994 - One American told me one joke about themselves:

 

Newspaper add: "Down Missisipi river, all inclusive, $25 only".

 

The guy pays on the spot -> knocked on the head -> came to his senses while free floating down Missisipi river with another dude going side by side. - "They said, all inclusive, I wonder if they will feed us a lunch? The other guy replied - " Last time they have not." :-)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Let's not have facts get in the way of a great joke - and it is a great joke.


150 posts

Master Geek


  # 1630240 14-Sep-2016 13:47
3 people support this post
Send private message quote this post

What do you get if you turn 3 blondes upside down?

 

 

 

 

 

At least 2 brunettes!




Lock him up!
10671 posts

Uber Geek

Lifetime subscriber

  # 1630357 14-Sep-2016 16:18
8 people support this post
Send private message quote this post

In the Soviet era an American businessman and his wife visited Moscow. As with all tourists at that time, they were assigned an Intourist guide. He met them at their hotel and introduced himself, saying, ‘my name is Rudolph. What do you wish to do today?’

 

The businessman looked at his wife, who was clearly in charge. She said, ‘we would like to start by going for a walk around the Kremlin.’

 

Rudolph looked doubtful. He shook his head. ‘No walk. It is going to rain.’

 

The woman glanced out the hotel window. The sky was blue and cloudless. The sun was shining brightly. ‘It doesn’t look like rain to me,’ she said.

 

‘It will rain,’ insisted Rudolph.

 

‘I don’t think so,’ said the woman, who was obviously used to getting her own way.

 

They went back and forth for awhile. ‘It will rain,’ Rudolph repeated. ‘No it won’t,’ the woman replied.

 

At last the long-suffering husband could stand it no more. He turned to his wife and shouted, ‘Rudolph the red knows rain, dear!’

 

 





I don't think there is ever a bad time to talk about how absurd war is, how old men make decisions and young people die. - George Clooney
 


18078 posts

Uber Geek

Trusted

  # 1630491 14-Sep-2016 20:26
Send private message quote this post

Rikkitic:

 

In the Soviet era an American businessman and his wife visited Moscow. As with all tourists at that time, they were assigned an Intourist guide. He met them at their hotel and introduced himself, saying, ‘my name is Rudolph. What do you wish to do today?’

 

The businessman looked at his wife, who was clearly in charge. She said, ‘we would like to start by going for a walk around the Kremlin.’

 

Rudolph looked doubtful. He shook his head. ‘No walk. It is going to rain.’

 

The woman glanced out the hotel window. The sky was blue and cloudless. The sun was shining brightly. ‘It doesn’t look like rain to me,’ she said.

 

‘It will rain,’ insisted Rudolph.

 

‘I don’t think so,’ said the woman, who was obviously used to getting her own way.

 

They went back and forth for awhile. ‘It will rain,’ Rudolph repeated. ‘No it won’t,’ the woman replied.

 

At last the long-suffering husband could stand it no more. He turned to his wife and shouted, ‘Rudolph the red knows rain, dear!’

 

 

 

 

And my compliments to the OP for this thread.


Overarching undertones
3840 posts

Uber Geek

Subscriber

  # 1630510 14-Sep-2016 20:48
Send private message quote this post

King had a Court Jester called Thread and was fed up with his crappy one-liners and puns. "I'm sick of your silly jokes, Thread. I'm throwing you into a dungeon and it's a hanging for you in the morning unless you promise to up your game".

 

In the morning King visited Thread: "Might have been a bit hasty last night - you're free to go - so long as you quit the weak-as puns. What have you got to say for yourself?"

 

"Oh, thank you Sire - no noose is good noose"

 

 

 

 


929 posts

Ultimate Geek


  # 1630574 14-Sep-2016 23:36
3 people support this post
Send private message quote this post

Yepp ., you appreciate this kind of  thing when you have kids.

 

 

 

2 Atoms were talking and one said, you know, i think i have lost an electron.

 

The other one said, are you sure?

 

1st atom said, yepp, I'm positive.

 

 

 

Badoom tish.


4124 posts

Uber Geek

Subscriber

  # 1630803 15-Sep-2016 11:40
Send private message quote this post

Given the number of dog jokes above, it reminds me of a 'joke' I made up a few years back, clearly at a point my two brats were driving me crazy:

 

Q. What's the difference between a dog and a young child?

 

A. You can put the dog down.


8706 posts

Uber Geek


  # 1630804 15-Sep-2016 11:40
Send private message quote this post

Redhead tells blonde: "I've slept with a Brazilian".

 

"OMG you slut"  "err .. how many is a brazilian?" 


1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | ... | 20
Filter this topic showing only the reply marked as answer View this topic in a long page with up to 500 replies per page Create new topic



Twitter and LinkedIn »



Follow us to receive Twitter updates when new discussions are posted in our forums:



Follow us to receive Twitter updates when news items and blogs are posted in our frontpage:



Follow us to receive Twitter updates when tech item prices are listed in our price comparison site:





News »

Logitech introduces new Made for Google keyboard and mouse devices
Posted 16-Oct-2019 13:36


MATTR launches to accelerate decentralised identity
Posted 16-Oct-2019 10:28


Vodafone X-Squad powers up for customers
Posted 16-Oct-2019 08:15


D Link ANZ launches EXO Smart Mesh Wi Fi Routers with McAfee protection
Posted 15-Oct-2019 11:31


Major Japanese retailer partners with smart New Zealand technology IMAGR
Posted 14-Oct-2019 10:29


Ola pioneers one-time passcode feature to fight rideshare fraud
Posted 14-Oct-2019 10:24


Spark Sport new home of NZC matches from 2020
Posted 10-Oct-2019 09:59


Meet Nola, Noel Leeming's new digital employee
Posted 4-Oct-2019 08:07


Registrations for Sprout Accelerator open for 2020 season
Posted 4-Oct-2019 08:02


Teletrac Navman welcomes AI tech leader Jens Meggers as new President
Posted 4-Oct-2019 07:41


Vodafone makes voice of 4G (VoLTE) official
Posted 4-Oct-2019 07:36


2degrees Reaches Milestone of 100,000 Broadband Customers
Posted 1-Oct-2019 09:17


Nokia 1 Plus available in New Zealand from 2nd October
Posted 30-Sep-2019 17:46


Ola integrates Apple Pay as payment method in New Zealand
Posted 25-Sep-2019 09:51


Facebook Portal to land in New Zealand
Posted 19-Sep-2019 18:35



Geekzone Live »

Try automatic live updates from Geekzone directly in your browser, without refreshing the page, with Geekzone Live now.


Support Geekzone »

Our community of supporters help make Geekzone possible. Click the button below to join them.

Support Geezone on PressPatron



Are you subscribed to our RSS feed? You can download the latest headlines and summaries from our stories directly to your computer or smartphone by using a feed reader.

Alternatively, you can receive a daily email with Geekzone updates.