Silly joke thread

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Networkn
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#3302139 27-Oct-2024 18:10

I went to the Doctor and I told him I was having hearing issues.

He asked me to tell him about the symptoms.

I told him that Marge was the one with the big blue hair and Homer was the fat one.

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#3302140 27-Oct-2024 18:12

I met a lovely young lady at a bar last night. She told me she would show me a good time.

She stepped outside and ran an 11 second 100 meter sprint

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#3302666 29-Oct-2024 12:01

How do you start a fairy tale in the modern era?

"If elected, I promise..."

MadEngineer

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#3303584 31-Oct-2024 09:49

Have y’all seen the movie “Constipation”?

Neither have I - it hasn’t come out yet.

You're not on Atlantis anymore, Duncan Idaho.

SaltyNZ

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#3303644 31-Oct-2024 10:23

MadEngineer: Have y’all seen the movie “Constipation”?

Neither have I - it hasn’t come out yet.

Groan ... [deep breath, deep breath] ... groooooan

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MadEngineer

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#3303666 31-Oct-2024 11:16

I have to admit, it’s a bit of a poop joke.

You're not on Atlantis anymore, Duncan Idaho.

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#3303967 1-Nov-2024 07:50

What should you drink on Haloween?

Boo's.

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#3305453 5-Nov-2024 08:38

A young American tourist goes on a guided tour of a creepy old castle. At the end of the tour, the guide asks her how she enjoyed it. She admits to being a bit worried about seeing a ghost in some of the dark, cob-web filled, rooms and passages.

"Don't worry," says the guide. "I've never seen a ghost all the time I've been here."

"How long is that?" asks the girl.

"About three hundred years."

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#3306531 7-Nov-2024 10:18

Why do so many people strike up a conversation with "Are you even listening?"

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#3306579 7-Nov-2024 12:15

Behodar:

Why do so many people strike up a conversation with "Are you even listening?"

You are obviously married.

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#3306581 7-Nov-2024 12:30

Eva888:

Behodar:

Why do so many people strike up a conversation with "Are you even listening?"

You are obviously married.

You can't assume that! A married man would quickly suspend their inner fantasy about flying an F-18, scoring the winning try in a rugby test against the Wallabies or catching a 30kg snapper (as appropriate) and respond with "Yes, of course I am. You said: '[quotes last three sentences]'".

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#3307007 8-Nov-2024 16:55

Interviewer: Tell us about some accomplishments in your last job.
Me: I'm personally responsible for several new rules in the employee handbook.
Interviewer: Impressive! You wrote them?
Me: That's not what I said.

Thanks for explaining "plethora".

It means a lot.

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#3307840 11-Nov-2024 19:46

Mate of mine just quit his job at BMW.

He'd given them no indication he was leaving.

Thanks for explaining "plethora".

It means a lot.

RunningMan

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#3307844 11-Nov-2024 19:52

Indicators are now an annual subscription service on BMWs - I don't think many people pay to have them 😉

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#3309769 16-Nov-2024 19:57

Every Christmas I buy a box of Cadbury favourites for my wife but I swap all the wrappers around.

It right gets her snickers in a twix.

You're not on Atlantis anymore, Duncan Idaho.

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