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  Reply # 1673070 17-Nov-2016 18:49
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Trump: "Foreign Policy?, if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee." 



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  Reply # 1673071 17-Nov-2016 18:51
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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

 

Juan by Juan. 



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  Reply # 1673213 17-Nov-2016 22:48
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Two Englishmen in Whitehall.

 

One says "which way to Brexit?"

 

 

 

The other replies "Well, I wouldn't start from here!"






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  Reply # 1673359 18-Nov-2016 09:16
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I overheard this one on some TV programme the wife was watching the other night:

 

Knock, knock.

 

Who's there?

 

Europe.

 

Europe who?

 

Nah - You're a poo!


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  Reply # 1673407 18-Nov-2016 10:10
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I rang Sea World to book some tickets, they said my call would be recorded for training porpoises.


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  Reply # 1673410 18-Nov-2016 10:14
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BlueShift:

 

I rang Sea World to book some tickets, they said my call would be recorded for training porpoises.

 

 

 

 

Is their head office in New Jersey


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  Reply # 1673412 18-Nov-2016 10:20
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The midget fortune teller who kills his customers is a small medium at large.

 

A farmer counted his cows in his paddock, He counted 195. He had 200 when he rounded them up.

 

There was a prison break and I saw a midget climb up the fence. As he jumped down her sneered at me and I thought, well that’s a little condescending.

 

And the most over used joke on this planet: A blind man walks into a bar then a table and chairs.

 

 

 

 





 


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  Reply # 1680350 30-Nov-2016 22:31
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Saw this one online and thought it was silly but geeky so ideal, right?

 

 

 

3 statisticians were out deer shooting. They spied a deer so the first one raised his rifle and fired a shot. They shot passed by the deer 1 metre to the left. The 2nd statistician raised his rifle, took aim and fired his shot.

 

That shot passed by the deer 1 metre to the right.

 

The 3rd statistician jumped up and said "YIPPEE !! We got em!"


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  Reply # 1680370 30-Nov-2016 23:24
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Person of unspecified gender walks into a bar.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ouch





Generally known online as OpenMedia, now working for Red Hat New Zealand as a Solution Architect for all things Linux, Virtual and of course Cloud. Still playing with MythTV and digital media on the side.

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  Reply # 1680531 1-Dec-2016 09:34
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Huh?




Swype on iOS is detrimental to accurate typing. Apologies in advance.


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  Reply # 1680532 1-Dec-2016 09:34
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Oh i get it!




Swype on iOS is detrimental to accurate typing. Apologies in advance.


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  Reply # 1694336 23-Dec-2016 14:28
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Was watching The Chase yesterday and 'The Governess', Anne Heggerty, said she had a copy of 'The Worst Journey in the World' by Apsley Cherry-Garrard. ACG was one of R F Scott's co-explorers on his ill-fated Antarctic expedition. He was an amateur Assistant Biologist helping with ornithology.

 

She added that she had the Penguin edition.


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  Reply # 1694337 23-Dec-2016 14:32
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British TV comedian Jimmy Carr said "When I was young people asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I told them I wanted to be a comedian - and they all laughed. Well - they're not laughing now".


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  Reply # 1694350 23-Dec-2016 14:46
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[Apologies if any of these have come up already!]

Three logicians walk into a bar. The bartender asks “Do all of you want a drink?” The first logician says “I don’t know.” The second logician says “I don’t know.” The third logician says “Yes!”


Why do engineers confuse Halloween and Christmas? Because Oct 31 = Dec 25


A Roman walks into a bar, holds up two fingers, and says, “Five beers, please”.


The programmer’s wife tells him: “Run to the store and pick up a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, get a dozen.”
The programmer comes home with 12 loaves of bread.


A physicist, a biologist and a mathematician are sitting outside of a bar when two men walk into the house across the road… Ten minutes later, three men walk out.
The physicist looks confused and says “There must an error in the measurements.” The biologist retorts “No, they must have reproduced!” To which the mathematician says “If one person goes inside, the house will be empty.”



Cheers,
Joseph



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  Reply # 1694359 23-Dec-2016 15:05
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How many programmers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

 

None, it's a hardware problem.

 

 





I reject your reality and substitute my own. - Adam Savage
 


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