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  # 2375440 14-Dec-2019 18:36
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Batman: Since having kids I know why couples separate. Too long to elaborate. You'll know what I mean if you know what I mean.


I think having kids makes your relationship more intense. If there were problems before they get exposed.

You really need to be a family to survive kids rather than two separate people who live together.

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  # 2375499 14-Dec-2019 20:56
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None.

Enjoy everything about them.

4 and more to come.

The only regret I have was to start family later in life. I feel like early 20s is the best age to start family.





 
 
 
 


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  # 2375504 14-Dec-2019 21:16
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The feeling of being subsumed and not being a person any more, merely being an attendant to my child.

 

I had a day off the other day, with no wife or child from 8am to 4pm. I no longer have any hobbies, interests, or recreation. I read my book, did some cleaning, and felt like I was missing something. All I do these days is work, clean, cook, and look after the toddler, other than my once every two month drinks with a couple of friends. There's no time for anything else.

 

I have a demanding three year old. He's a great wee guy, but I feel that there should be something else to life.




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  # 2375506 14-Dec-2019 21:18
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nakedmolerat: None.

Enjoy everything about them.

4 and more to come.

The only regret I have was to start family later in life. I feel like early 20s is the best age to start family.

 

 

 

I hate this. People that say that there is nothing to hate about your kids or to cherish it as you miss it (Stockholm syndrome?)

 

 

 

I have walked away after fighting to change a nappy shaking, needing distance from the being that made it so difficult.

 

Picking up the same books/duplo/lego/toys off the floor several times in a day knowing you are going to have to do the same the next day.  Fighting the instinct not to throw it all in the bin

 

Having meal after meal being screamed at for some reason or rather.

 

Dropping your kids off at childcare happy that you won't have to see them until 5.30

 

...




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  # 2375507 14-Dec-2019 21:19
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timmmay:

 

The feeling of being subsumed and not being a person any more, merely being an attendant to my child.

 

I had a day off the other day, with no wife or child from 8am to 4pm. I no longer have any hobbies, interests, or recreation. I read my book, did some cleaning, and felt like I was missing something. All I do these days is work, clean, cook, and look after the toddler, other than my once every two month drinks with a couple of friends. There's no time for anything else.

 

I have a demanding three year old. He's a great wee guy, but I feel that there should be something else to life.

 

 

Yep


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  # 2375515 14-Dec-2019 21:32
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blackjack17:

 

nakedmolerat: None.

Enjoy everything about them.

4 and more to come.

The only regret I have was to start family later in life. I feel like early 20s is the best age to start family.

 

I hate this. People that say that there is nothing to hate about your kids or to cherish it as you miss it (Stockholm syndrome?)

 

I have walked away after fighting to change a nappy shaking, needing distance from the being that made it so difficult.

 

Picking up the same books/duplo/lego/toys off the floor several times in a day knowing you are going to have to do the same the next day.  Fighting the instinct not to throw it all in the bin

 

Having meal after meal being screamed at for some reason or rather.

 

Dropping your kids off at childcare happy that you won't have to see them until 5.30

 

...

 

 

There are times that I find hard but my wife and I decided a long time ago that as we consciously chose kids we can consciously choose to enjoy the good bits and let the rest go. If we choose to feel that they are ruining our lives then they will.

 

The first few years were hard, mostly because of lack of sleep, but once the little one turned 2 it got easier and it just gets better and better. They are 5 and 7 now, we live overseas with no family support (but we do have help at home) and overall it's great.

 

Yesterday the kids were cranky which irritated me (especially because I'd had 3 hours sleep on the plane flying home) but today they are sitting having lunch, playing connect 4 and best mates.

 

My life is really different to what it was before kids and I'm good with that. 


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  # 2375520 14-Dec-2019 21:47
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blackjack17:

nakedmolerat: None.

Enjoy everything about them.

4 and more to come.

The only regret I have was to start family later in life. I feel like early 20s is the best age to start family.


 


I hate this. People that say that there is nothing to hate about your kids or to cherish it as you miss it (Stockholm syndrome?)


 


I have walked away after fighting to change a nappy shaking, needing distance from the being that made it so difficult.


Picking up the same books/duplo/lego/toys off the floor several times in a day knowing you are going to have to do the same the next day.  Fighting the instinct not to throw it all in the bin


Having meal after meal being screamed at for some reason or rather.


Dropping your kids off at childcare happy that you won't have to see them until 5.30


...



Perhaps I'm old fashioned.

I don't feel like it's a chore looking after them but rather something I value and thoroughly enjoy.

In the past it's common to have many kids and you wonder why it should be different now.





 
 
 
 


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  # 2375521 14-Dec-2019 21:51
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I perfectly understand you mate. I am going through this now with our son who turned two in May.. not helped with his delay in communication verbally with us (we are waiting for a specialist appointment).
We also have a 6 month old.

It will get better. Just remember the good times outweigh the bad and nothing is better than seeing them smile at you and want a hug.

Cheers
Grant
(A later in life Dad)




Check out my LPFM Radio Station at www.thecheese.co.nz cool


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  # 2375525 14-Dec-2019 22:07
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blackjack17:

nakedmolerat: None.

Enjoy everything about them.

4 and more to come.

The only regret I have was to start family later in life. I feel like early 20s is the best age to start family.


 


I hate this. People that say that there is nothing to hate about your kids or to cherish it as you miss it (Stockholm syndrome?)


 


I have walked away after fighting to change a nappy shaking, needing distance from the being that made it so difficult.


Picking up the same books/duplo/lego/toys off the floor several times in a day knowing you are going to have to do the same the next day.  Fighting the instinct not to throw it all in the bin


Having meal after meal being screamed at for some reason or rather.


Dropping your kids off at childcare happy that you won't have to see them until 5.30


...



Unfortunately the kid wants to do what it wants and the more you fight the more you will lose.

But it's not a lost cause. You have to outwit them and so what they want to do is what you want them to do. There's a saying you can make a horse go to the water but you can't make the horse drink. Same with kid. Use your wits.

Sometimes (most of the time) the kid is rebelling because they need something. Need attention, need help, need to move or do something, need to read book, need you to play with them, need sleep, need food etc.

I've learnt that they are not there to please me. But I have to develop a relationship with them. Exactly like courting. But this time, like it or not. No choice of finding another. And just like courting sometimes it's not easy, personality may clash, takes a lot of time and effort.

I've also learnt you can't teach them behaviour. They learn from me. They do not do what I say. Rather they do what I do (to them and to others). If I'm always angry and short they will be like that. If I yell (no matter what reason, as they do not have any sense of reason) they yell. They way I talk to my wife is the way they talk to their mother. The way I treat other people is the way they treat their friends. Crazy. Wish I had known this earlier. (I have confirmed this fact by observing other family dynamics. It's crazy accurate for kids of school age.)




Involuntary autocorrect in operation on mobile device. Apologies in advance.


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  # 2375527 14-Dec-2019 22:12
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another thing my grandfather taught me was kids often don't respond to being told what to do. They have a resistance reflex like a dog for example. The key to this is offering a choice.

Example: do you want to walk to bed or do you want me to piggy back ride to bed.

Either way they are going to bed, but presenting it like that means it was their decision.

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  # 2375531 14-Dec-2019 22:26
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networkn: another thing my grandfather taught me was kids often don't respond to being told what to do. They have a resistance reflex like a dog for example. The key to this is offering a choice.

Example: do you want to walk to bed or do you want me to piggy back ride to bed.

Either way they are going to bed, but presenting it like that means it was their decision.

 

 

 

That's way more choice than I would give a dog I was training! 😇






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  # 2375553 15-Dec-2019 07:44
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One thing my Dad said to me once, that I agree with, is raising a special needs child, you're almost raising two really, as they can be quite challenging at times. So, (in a way) I'm raising three.


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  # 2375563 15-Dec-2019 07:51
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quickymart:

One thing my Dad said to me once, that I agree with, is raising a special needs child, you're almost raising two really, as they can be quite challenging at times. So, (in a way) I'm raising three.



Depending on how special, at least 2, some definitely more than 2. And unfortunately the other kids miss out and they feel like they're an afterthought because so much money time and effort are noticeably spent on the special fella and I make an effort to make sure the other fellas are not left out. But one of them still complain to me that I'm not giving him enough attention. I tell them to call me out if they think so and I'm getting feedback all the time.




Involuntary autocorrect in operation on mobile device. Apologies in advance.


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  # 2375565 15-Dec-2019 07:57
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Batman:
quickymart:

One thing my Dad said to me once, that I agree with, is raising a special needs child, you're almost raising two really, as they can be quite challenging at times. So, (in a way) I'm raising three.



Depending on how special, at least 2, some definitely more than 2. And unfortunately the other kids miss out or feel like they're an afterthought because to much money time and effort are noticeably spent on the special fella and I make an effort to make sure the other fellas are not left out. But one of them still complain to me that I'm not giving him enough attention. I tell them to call me out if they think so and I'm getting feedback all the time.


I grew up with a brother with very significant special needs. It was pretty tough on my parents, especially Mum. In many ways I was an only child, without the benefits.

You learn that your family is just the way it is and not like everyone else's. You also learn what sacrifice and love really looks like. It's not the worst thing to learn.

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  # 2375591 15-Dec-2019 10:07
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Isopropyl alcohol does not remove sneeze spray from the family computer screen.

 

This stuff however https://www.jaycar.co.nz/electronic-circuit-board-cleaner-spray-can/p/NA1008 does, with many applications and elbow grease.


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