Things that you hate about being a parent

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# 2376190 16-Dec-2019 11:48

One thing for me is how no-one else gives a rats ar$e about my kids privacy.

Schools and clubs sign them up for all kinds of services and apps without asking us. They then expect them to sign up to all kinds of apps to get notifications of what's going on.

They also plaster their images all over their websites and marketing and now my son is playing senior football every amateur photographer in town has him plastered all over their own social media.

networkn

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# 2376191 16-Dec-2019 11:48

timmmay:

Yeah, he's getting better playing on his own, but not quite old enough yet at 3 to understand time playing by himself without us. Time away individually would be valuable, will have to bring that up some time.

We started small. I did it for my wife first. Booked her a night at a hotel with a massage and I picked the kids up in the afternoon, fed them, put them to bed, got them up, breakfast, dressed and entertained them till my wife got home 3pm the following day.

This January I have them for 10 days as she takes advantage of free accommodation in Japan for a conference and has a few extra days skiing (hopefully).

My wife particularly loves this time, because when she gets back, they can do so many new things like stack a diswasher or hang clothes on the A Frames etc.

SheriffNZ

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# 2376194 16-Dec-2019 11:51

This!

networkn:

All parents struggle (Whether they admit it or not).

networkn

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# 2376201 16-Dec-2019 11:58

timmmay:

Yeah, he's getting better playing on his own, but not quite old enough yet at 3 to understand time playing by himself without us.

It may take some work, but I believe a 3-year-old can understand this :) It may take some time and persistence. 5 minutes isn't very long.

What I found useful was giving them a task I estimated would take 5 minutes and explained I was just next room over and would love him to surprised me by building the blocks into something to show me. He cried to start with when I left, but that's OK too. You aren't abandoning him no matter the look on his face :-)

You'll know your kid better than me, no doubt, but there isn't a lot to lose by giving it a go. Getting some space from your kids is just as important as being available to them.

timmmay

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# 2376208 16-Dec-2019 12:09

networkn:

We started small. I did it for my wife first. Booked her a night at a hotel with a massage and I picked the kids up in the afternoon, fed them, put them to bed, got them up, breakfast, dressed and entertained them till my wife got home 3pm the following day.

This January I have them for 10 days as she takes advantage of free accommodation in Japan for a conference and has a few extra days skiing (hopefully).

My wife particularly loves this time, because when she gets back, they can do so many new things like stack a diswasher or hang clothes on the A Frames etc.

Nice. I actually offered my wife a night away and she said no! But she might want to go to the UK for a few weeks, after which I would probably need a week off!

Batman

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# 2376217 16-Dec-2019 12:26

timmmay:
networkn:

It's easy to say from here, but sometimes I feel the same way (though I am incredibly fortunate my wife understands me well and is generally much more patient). All I can tell you is that it's very likely going to get better soon. We had some family help, but considerably less than what we thought for a variety of reasons.

For your own sanity, however, I strongly urge you to find a way to carve out some time. I don't know your situation, but I really feel for you.

Is it an option to have a reciprocal arrangement with a friend where they take your child for half a day one day or two a month and you do the same for them? Is your child in day care, is it an option to extend the hours by 1 hour a week, where you and your wife each have "you" time doing things you enjoy?

We also accepted that sometimes, our kids were going to get more than the recommended allocation of screen time, and I am not sorry about that for a second.

If there are particularly big time sucks (for us it was meal times which took 60-90 minutes 2-3 times a day), we concentrated on bringing this down. Took some doing (my kids aren't fussy, but they are both SLOOOOWWWWWWW eaters), but we set hard limits on 30 minutes for eating meals (involved removing plates at 30 minutes time and letting them go hungry till the next meal time).

Our toddler goes to daycare, but isn't yet comfortable going off with friends without us. Maybe in the next year or so. We get a bit of a break over Christmas when he's in daycare, which is helpful.

A friend of ours has a boy with developmental delay, potentially due to having far too much screen time. We give our son a phone for maybe 30 minutes in the morning if he's being grumpy, but every day. He gets 30 minutes in the evening after dinner, before we get him ready for bed. Occasionally we watch a movie on a wet afternoon. We try to keep in engaged and busy, which is great for him but less great for us.

He's a great little guy, it's just you need a break and to feel human sometimes. I reserve some of my leave for days off by myself, but you need some regular things too, you can't develop a hobby or interest with 2 days a year. When I had a day off recently all I had to do was read my book and clean things.

It's ok I haven't done anything i wanted to do for about 12 years now

Involuntary autocorrect in operation on mobile device. Apologies in advance.

nzkc

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# 2376230 16-Dec-2019 12:48

martyyn:

One thing for me is how no-one else gives a rats ar$e about my kids privacy.

Schools and clubs sign them up for all kinds of services and apps without asking us. They then expect them to sign up to all kinds of apps to get notifications of what's going on.

They also plaster their images all over their websites and marketing and now my son is playing senior football every amateur photographer in town has him plastered all over their own social media.

Ive actually found mostly the opposite. Most people seem to be very conscious of this! For example; I had a friend ask if it was OK to post some recent photos of her trip on her Facebook that included our kids (she doesn't have kids either). I thanked her for asking the question!

My son plays a sport and the team has a private FB page (invite only). Photos are posted there for all to enjoy. You're welcome to share photos of your child wider - but only your child! (fair enough too).

My kids school are very strict on this too - you have to sign a waiver to allow their photo to be published in anyway on their school website. They spend a lot of time making sure this is adhered to.

Of course that doesn't stop a "random" coming along, taking photos and posting them wherever. As I mentioned, and maybe its just from where I live, most people are good about it sometimes coming up and asking if its OK to take photos etc. Do be conscious that they are perfectly entitled to take photos in public areas - its a bit of a two way streak in this situation.

So from my view, and I know that's a terribly small sample size, I think we're getting better at this.

networkn

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# 2376247 16-Dec-2019 13:04

I'd agree most times I can recall my kids pictures ending up online, it's been with my permissions. I say most because I can't think of a time this is the case but it may have happened.

jonathan18

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# 2376249 16-Dec-2019 13:10

Edit: don't know how to embed YouTube video properly, so here's the direct link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pzRhlwJ49Os

Edit 2: thanks, networkn; with that tip, seems to be working now.

networkn

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# 2376251 16-Dec-2019 13:15

Put the part after the = inside youtube tags.

quickymart

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# 2376622 16-Dec-2019 20:58

Speaking of being tired - I find being a parent to twin boys (one special needs, one not) very tiring. But, I just have to keep on going...

networkn

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# 2376642 16-Dec-2019 21:52

Quickymart what part of the country are you in if you don't mind me asking?

Batman

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# 2376693 17-Dec-2019 06:43

networkn:

Quickymart what part of the country are you in if you don't mind me asking?

auckland i believe

Involuntary autocorrect in operation on mobile device. Apologies in advance.

gcorgnet

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# 2376697 17-Dec-2019 07:14

One person supports this post

For me there are a bunch of things about (my) kids I find irritating.

First thing that comes to mind is the constant comparison between siblings. We (parents) make a conscious effort never to draw comparision between siblings (we h ave 1 boy, 1 girl) but for some reason, they constantly look at what/how much/how little the other one has... That or the random pointed questions: "Will xyz also be allowed that?"

quickymart

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# 2376699 17-Dec-2019 07:21

Batman:

networkn:

Quickymart what part of the country are you in if you don't mind me asking?

auckland i believe

Yes, on the Shore.

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