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Topic # 95132 28-Dec-2011 22:27
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So my friend gave me this guys number, and we hit it off real quick. After a day, he added on facebook that we were BF's which was really fast but I went along with it. He started saying he loves me after a few days and that kinda was a bit quick for me. But I went along with it because I really liked him. Then today I remember him saying he broke up with his ex not so long ago, so I just thought I'd ask how long ago it was. He said "just before Christmas"
So I thought last Christmas, so I said "oh how long before last christmas?"
He said "this christmas, and a few days".

So he had JUST broken up with his ex like 2 days at most before we started talking and before he said he loved me. 

So I felt kinda betrayed. Even my best mate says its like he's used me as a rebound. I'm p1ssed actually. He says its not like that, but I don't really believe him. Its my first relationship with a guy, and I don't want to fall for someone who doesn't truly love me. 

Am I over-reacting here?
I'm really really confused and don't even know what the hell to do Emoticon: Sad :(

-Sam.




Bachelor of Computing Systems (2015)

 

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Sam, Auckland 


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  Reply # 562301 28-Dec-2011 22:41
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Yes - over-reacting.

No way of telling 100% is rebound or for real. BUT... keep it cool for now - don't rush; walk before you run. Give things time to develop and see where they go.

For all you know, this might be the one - but don't rush it.

I told my now wife that I loved her after only a few weeks and she ran a mile due to previous bad life experiences. Her family saw I was good from her and told her to not be silly.

That was 16 years ago and we're still together. Not exactly the same as your situation, but show that you shouldn't be to rash in your decisions.

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  Reply # 562307 28-Dec-2011 23:13
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>>So he had JUST broken up with his ex like 2 days at most before we started talking and before he said he loved me.

Sam, in my opinion theres a strong chance its re-bound, unless it was a long slow breakup that was well overdue. My advice (for whats its worth) is to take things slowly, dont get your hopes up but enjoy the journey. Have fun and get to know each other, just dont let your expectations get too far ahead. Set boundaries if you think he is going too fast.

Hugs for you. :)

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  Reply # 562319 29-Dec-2011 00:41
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tardtasticx:  I don't want to fall for someone who doesn't truly love me.  


Um you kinda got to give any new relationship a go before you can get to the love part.  No use saying you're not doing anything unless your partner loves you, as it's never going to happen with anyone right from the start.  Trust takes a while to build up and a variety of situations to establish. 

Sounds like a rebound, but hey, maybe he's telling the truth and is being honest with how he feels right now. How long was the last relationship, how serious and why did it end etc etc.    


tardtasticx: Am I over-reacting here?


Yup, but hey we don't know exactly what the situation is.  It's Christmas and New Years, they don't call that the silly season for no reason. Chill and enjoy, there's a whole new year ahead for adventures coming really soon. 

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  Reply # 562338 29-Dec-2011 07:28
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i moved in with my wife a day after i met her and two days after she broke up with her fianc?e , we have now been married for 18 years , sometimes if iis right then nothing else matters.




Common sense is not as common as you think.


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  Reply # 562357 29-Dec-2011 08:38
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vexxxboy: i moved in with my wife a day after i met her and two days after she broke up with her fianc?e , we have now been married for 18 years , sometimes if iis right then nothing else matters.


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  Reply # 563290 31-Dec-2011 16:51
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If its a rebound then he probably does believe ur special, but might take some time to balance his feelings a bit too. Take it slow aye.




Qualified in business, certified in fibre, stuck in copper, have to keep going  ^_^



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  Reply # 563292 31-Dec-2011 16:58
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Decided to meet him in person, next Thursday. Obviously taking my best mate with me. He keeps using the 'L' word and its kinda annoying. Because I can't truly believe that hes serious about it and I've already told him to slow down with this. ><




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  Reply # 563296 31-Dec-2011 17:05
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tardtasticx: Decided to meet him in person, next Thursday.



Wait, wait, you havn't even met the guy in person and he is professing his undying love for you?

Run away, run away! Your psycho detector should has gone past 100% and wrapped itself around, bent the needle and spontaneously combusted by now.

 




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  Reply # 563298 31-Dec-2011 17:08
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tardtasticx: Decided to meet him in person, next Thursday. Obviously taking my best mate with me. He keeps using the 'L' word and its kinda annoying. Because I can't truly believe that hes serious about it and I've already told him to slow down with this. ><


Now, seriously, WTF? Did he get in love with you based on what? You Twitter profile? Just say no. Never ever meet this person. It sounds like someone just looking for a weak soul to prey on.




 




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  Reply # 563300 31-Dec-2011 17:11
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Also, remember this. Or just remember those stories about psycopath contacting unsuspecting people on Craigslist, then killing, cutting and eating the victims.

Seriously, stay away from this kind of shit. You don't need this. You won't find love from someone who never met you.

Stay away. Don't meet this person.

Do we need to give you more advice than this?







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  Reply # 563308 31-Dec-2011 17:36
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he's a friend of a friend. She's known him for quite some time, many years in fact. I'm pretty sure his intention isn't to rape me or anything. But I'm still taking precautions by meeting in a public area, ie a busy mall, and with a friend. It's not like I went and posted a listing on Craigslist or anything. Could never bring myself to do that, ever.




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Sam, Auckland 


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  Reply # 563309 31-Dec-2011 17:37
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Sorry, but it can't be "love". It could be infatuation. It could be lust. Anything similar. But "love" is really hard for someone who you never met before.




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  Reply # 563310 31-Dec-2011 17:38
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sleemanj:
tardtasticx: Decided to meet him in person, next Thursday.



Wait, wait, you havn't even met the guy in person and he is professing his undying love for you?

Run away, run away! Your psycho detector should has gone past 100% and wrapped itself around, bent the needle and spontaneously combusted by now.

?

Ditto....

Tardtasticx, this is one time you need to listen to us when we say Noooooooooo its not right. I Admin a few sites including a 'heartbreak' site, and I see a lot of messy situations each day.. and this one is right up there.

He keeps using the 'L' word and its kinda annoying.

If he's annoying you before you have even met, trying to get him to slow down now is probably going to result in a lot of hard feelings. (on both sides) Best case scenario it fades out after one or 2 dates. Worst case scenario a blazing row and nasty words, then implications online. We are talking your future reputation here.

Is there any way to politely back out of the meeting and ease things off a little?



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  Reply # 563311 31-Dec-2011 17:38
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freitasm: Sorry, but it can't be "love". It could be infatuation. It could be lust. Anything similar. But "love" is really hard for someone who you never met before.


Yeh I don't believe its love either. I only like him. I can never see myself loving him unless we meet and we've gone out quite a few times.  




Bachelor of Computing Systems (2015)

 

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Late 2013 MacBook Pro with Retina Display (4GB/2.4GHz i5/128GB SSD) - HP DV6 (8GB/2.8GHz i7/120GB SSD + 750GB HDD)
iPhone 6S + (64GB/Gold/Vodafone NZ) - Xperia Z C6603 (16GB/White/Spark NZ)

Sam, Auckland 




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  Reply # 563312 31-Dec-2011 17:40
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SandyJ:
sleemanj:
tardtasticx: Decided to meet him in person, next Thursday.



Wait, wait, you havn't even met the guy in person and he is professing his undying love for you?

Run away, run away! Your psycho detector should has gone past 100% and wrapped itself around, bent the needle and spontaneously combusted by now.

?

Ditto....

Tardtasticx, this is one time you need to listen to us when we say Noooooooooo its not right. I Admin a few sites including a 'heartbreak' site, and I see a lot of messy situations each day.. and this one is right up there.

He keeps using the 'L' word and its kinda annoying.

If he's annoying you before you have even met, trying to get him to slow down now is probably going to result in a lot of hard feelings. (on both sides) Best case scenario it fades out after one or 2 dates. Worst case scenario a blazing row and nasty words, then implications online. We are talking your future reputation here.

Is there any way to politely back out of the meeting and ease things off a little?


Not that I can think of. Hmm... I have a dentist appointment on friday at 9, I could say they brought it forward maybe?? 




Bachelor of Computing Systems (2015)

 

--

 

Late 2013 MacBook Pro with Retina Display (4GB/2.4GHz i5/128GB SSD) - HP DV6 (8GB/2.8GHz i7/120GB SSD + 750GB HDD)
iPhone 6S + (64GB/Gold/Vodafone NZ) - Xperia Z C6603 (16GB/White/Spark NZ)

Sam, Auckland 


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