I am fed up with the NZ government treating non-custodial fathers as criminals,
yeah there are plenty of bad examples, but a majority of the non-custodial fathers, either A) didn't get a choice, or B) got ruled against in the family court.
and you know what one of the most common reasons the mother gets full custody?
BECAUSE SHE IS UNEMPLOYED. (particularly when it comes to young kids) and therefore deemed to be better equipped to take care of the kid(s)
whereas a hardworking loving father will get shat on for being a hard working productive member of society.
not only that but, the child support that is paid means NOTHING.
if you are paying your child support and your ex is on the DPB guess who gets all the money?
thats right. the F**KING government.
and whats worse, you pay extortionate amounts of tax, extortionate amounts of child support, and then when the child needs something the mother will come along and say "I need $400 for ABC"
But what is even more screwed up is that the government give the custodial parent on the DPB exactly the same amount of money regardless of how much child support the non-custodial parent pays.
I know this particular sort of situation does not apply to everyone. but goddamn it makes me angry.
its incredibly hard to convey, i'll leave this for now and come back to it later!
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Comment by tonyhughes, on 27-Apr-2007 20:18
I am in that situation exactly. On top of that, I pay on average an extra $5000 a year in costs to travel to see my kids, or for them to come here, and I am the only contributor to that, and it doesnt count at all when it comes to what the New Zealand Government steals from my pay packet.
Comment by Jama, on 27-Apr-2007 20:45
18% of your income - nice! My mother raised three of us on a DPB in the 70's. My scabbing father contributed $5 p/week for each of us and then went to court and pled poverty.
Inane - I do understand what you are saying and I have friends in exactly this situation.
Comment by paradoxsm, on 27-Apr-2007 22:56
I have a close friend and know many others in this situation..
It needs to be a "father pays, mother gets all" and money is admistered in a fund DIRECTLY for the child, IE School fees, Food as vouchers (Redeemable only for kids food) then those pokies won't get so much of our money!
Like all our taxes, they are never used for that intention of collecting but "absorbed" into general coffers.
If you are in this sutation, Please work it out to pay he mother the money DIRECTLY, she will get more which will shut her up and you will know that more of the money (most hopefully) will go to the child or the improvements of it's surroundings.
Oh sometimes I wish I was a gay.
Comment by juha, on 28-Apr-2007 12:57
Paradoxsm: Oh sometimes I wish I was a gay.
I thought you were?
Comment by kristy, on 17-May-2007 23:38
My partner has not seen his daughter for over 8 months... but still has to pay.. for what??? I don't understand this system. I have no children of my own, but am despirately trying to find his daughter, as this whole situation is tearing him up. This system we have is really not fair! The mother has been on the benefit since gosh knows when... on anti depresants... ships daughter over here to live with my partner - then files child abduction! Daughter taken off him AGAIN... and sent to live with the messed up mother in Oz. Now - 8 months on and we still can't find her.
Where do we go??? Who do we talk to??? Any help out there? Any help at all? Even if we could just stay in touch with the daughter? Does anyone know how to find a daughter? There seems to be this thing called the privacy act that is stopping my partner from legally finding his daughter...
If you have any information please email me email@example.com
Comment by Brendon, on 5-Dec-2007 20:41
Im in this exact posistion with my ex partner.
We were together for 4 years and in that whole time she never had a job and i had to pay for everything, i was on the bones of my ass!
We had a beautiful daughter who is now 2, my ex moved away and now lives 6 hours away from me, futher to this she went to court and got a protection order against which to this day i dont know how she got one other than she has family friends in the family court, i live in another town and never go near her or even want to. Im fine with her getting the order it means if i ever do move to the same town she wont cause trouble for me or come near which is fantastic.
I pay roughly $290 a fortnight in child support for a child i can hardly ever see, my ex will not send me photos or ring my house so i can talk to my daughter i dont even know where my daughter is living at the moment, i am so worried about my daughter but yet can do nothing about it, i cant even travel to see her as i cant afford it, my new partner is amasing and has been great support for me.
While i was with my ex she screwed me for everything every day, i paid for anything and everything as she refused to work, i am no longer with her and yet she still screwing me.
In the last conversation i had with her she told me i got a good deal out of our seperation as i got the car and the fridge and she got nothing but the tv and our child, how is this fair its not its fucken horrible and a fucken mokery of the justice system , how she put a price on my daughter and screw me for evrything when she does nothing and never has?? its total bullshit!
Comment by jim waters, on 7-May-2008 22:10
She got every thing in the house wanted her to have this for the children I got the tent and the second car witch was stuffed we got $16000 each out of the property sale
F###ck me 33% my gross income those barsteds wanted to
access to children denied my $16,000 later the bitch still managed to stop me seeing the children just dissapear when i traveld 300k to pick them up
you will have to take her back to court i was told
children dressed in rags friends buying clothes for them child sipport going on holidays and drugs for her and her partner
trying to rebuild new partner she one son i have one son with me and the barsteds still want $250 a week
HOW CAN WE PULL TOGETHER AND CHANGE THE SYSTEM THE HARDER YOU WORK THE MORE THEY SCREW US
Comment by DKS1DR, on 27-Jun-2008 23:35
I feel for you dude. In exactly the same position, only, because my ex has the pip with me, she keeps threatening to cut down the access I do have to our kids. Was with her for over 13 years, married for 7, have two lovely little kids, a 5 year old boy and a 2 year old girl. I absolutly adore and worship them, yet their mother seems to think she can decide when I can see the kids. She left, has the house, and the kids. We currently have an agreement for when I can have the kids, yet she see's fit to put me through the ringer whenever she wants by threatening to cut the time. I live in a constant fear that I may not see my kids again, and it is the most hard to describe feeling/emotion I have ever had. I swear I am going insane! I applied to the court to get our agreement made into a parenting order, to give myself some piece of mind. She wants to fight it, has spoken to a lawyer who has told her that even though there would be an order in place, she can alter it whenever she felt like it if she thought it "was in the best interest's of the kids". I truly feel for anyone else in this same situation, I wouldn't wish it on my most hated enemies.
Comment by brett, on 7-Aug-2008 19:30
Me too, This child maintainence system is rotten to the core, I work shift work on a seven day roster ,work long hours (60 hours plus) and for that pay over $19000 a year in child support for 2 children, I end up with a little over $750 a week nett out of nearly 100,000 gross earnings. My ex works 20 hours a week and with my cotribution is way better off. I supply everything for these kids when they stay with me clothes everything they turn up here with nothing basically. I still get given bills for school fees etc which until recently i paid now i throw them away.
I might add I have my kids for about 10 days a month which is just under the amount for the shared care amount according to the ird.
If you even want to try and change things or get more custody, employ a lawyer and he will send you broke in no time, I am seriously thinking of leaving my job and bludging off the system getting free money and legal support off the state. yeh righy.
Comment by Shane, on 2-Sep-2009 22:01
Here we go .... i thought i am the only one who is having this problem... I am really fed up !!
I was separated with ex long time ago and then we decided to get back to each other for the sake of our 2 kids.
My ex investigated and found out that my weekly income is $580 per week after tax.
Opps she thought about it and did her calculations WINZ paying her weekly $711 per week ( why the hell should i get back to this jerk ? ) Kids ? nope nope !!
She texted me and told me 'Sorry darling forget about us getting back to each other, because she is getting paid by WINZ more ? Oi what abt the kids ? It does not matter ... they can grow up and they can see you on the weekends ........ this is the Child Support. (Unfortuantely nothing is paid to the kids ... its all paid for jewelery and my ex BMW petrol). I will be so glad if WINZ will give her vouchers or anything instead of cash
I am working full time and i am paying rent $320 + groceries 120 + transportation $40 and if i want to do something on the weekend or pamper myself >>>> nothing is left ( lucky i am healthy and i dont really get sick much )
Now i decided to travel overseas and find a new place to settle because i cannot afford it anymore and i want to secure my future ...
Bye Bye kids !!! Family Re-union !!
Comment by Laren Strugnell, on 9-Nov-2009 14:48
I am a mum and my 3 boys live with their dad. Yhis is not a gender problem but a general problem for paying parents. I was married for 18 years and left because my husband wouldn't. He ruined my relationship with my boys, kept the house and contents, 2 vehicles and although I paid huge amounts for the mortgage and for the boys, but he didn't use it for that and the mortgage was in arrears. We left the marriage with very little.He has continued to make it difficult for me to see them. I have had to go to court several times and have always paid for the boys through child support. I too am asked to pay for other things for the boys but know they are not being fed, clothed or looked after as they should. I struggle financially, and work extra hours to help but as you know the more you earn, the more they take. I don't understand how in other areas of benefits the government dictates that it costs a certain amount for an individual to survive financially, yet when it comes to child support the more you earn, the more you pay.
As we are both parents, it was explained to me that we are both responsible, financially which means he is supposed to contribute the same as me but this is obviously not the case. This is the ultimate frustration!! Remember boys, this about paying, not men against women!