Advice on how to get over a failed relationship

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PolicyGuy

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#2383524 31-Dec-2019 21:10

I would try not drinking on your own for a while.

I found drinking on my own was a very easy habit to get into, but not one that had happy consequences.
I found that if "getting drunk" was the answer, I was asking the wrong question.

frankv

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#2383543 31-Dec-2019 23:00

Pretty much what everyone else has said.

Don't go chasing a new relationship... if you're feeling needy and desperate, you may jump into something you wouldn't normally accept, and have another bad experience. Focus on balance and independence, not dependency on another relationship. Love will happen when it happens.

Think about how anything you might do will affect your son. He's an innocent victim; don't make it worse for him than you absolutely have to.

Try to keep on speaking terms with your ex... it'll make things easier for your son. And probably save you a lot of money. Avoid lawyers if you can.

Don't "distract yourself". Do something that you actually want to do, but maybe haven't been able to. Something you're excited about, passionate about. In many ways, this is a positive thing, where things you might have sacrificed for the sake of your relationship are now available to you.

Remember, "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger". You'll come out of this with more knowledge.

nakedmolerat

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#2383566 1-Jan-2020 06:15

@RickW: Thanks guys, yea I’m into the wine as we speak. It’s not my sons Mum (she passed away) but he sees her as a mother figure and us breaking up also means that she won’t be in his life anymore either which I feel so guilty about.

I’m still wanting to work it out with her but it’s a bit one sided unfortunately.

Call or Txt 1737 if you need to talk to someone. It's 24 hours service.

Stay away from Alcohol.

afe66

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#2383578 1-Jan-2020 08:41

Exercise helps even if it just a walk around the block. Gets you out of the house and distraction. If you run the same loop at same times you'll bump into other people and a friendly nod from fellow runner is nice.

Child care while doing this might be tricky so put the little fellow in a buggy and go for a run or if he is bit older maybe get him to ride along in a bike.

As other as said it's ok to be sad and angry.

Tuckey

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#2383580 1-Jan-2020 09:10

I understand how you are feeling. I was in the same position about three years ago. TBH I still can't talk to my ex-wife or really look at her, I am not sure if I will ever be able too.

It has taken me a very long time to get where I am now, I drank, I cried, I even came up with ways to try get her back. I glad the latter didn't happen and I am very fortunate to be where I am now. It's good you have reached out! but my advice is if you do take up EPA and a doctor as I did - Don't just take medication for the sake of taking it, it doesn't help you move on faster or easier it just masks feelings and makes choices murky to make.

My son is the beneficiary of all my hatred towards my ex-wife - It made me a better Dad for him. I say this without talking down to her because she is a good mum (despite what I think of her) Everything happens for a reason mate!

If you can, throw yourself into a project or holiday. It really helped me. Doing something just for yourself can take you out of the world for a while, I went overseas alone for a couple of weeks. A total eye-opener and the experience made me realized being in a relationship isn't the sole reason why we are here. It's like how people put everything into buying a house, for what reason? Yeah, it's great that you can but there is a whole world out there, don't let it swallow you.

Chin up, don't forget to talk it does help 👍

ghettomaster

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#2383584 1-Jan-2020 09:30

With regards to the five stages of grief it is important to recognise the differences between losing a loved one through death as opposed to a break up, the big one being that in a break up you have to deal with the rejection aspect which can be really hard.

Reach out to the community you have. If you’re religious, find friends there you can talk to. It doesn’t have to be the leaders, just good friends. If there are any other community or sports groups that you may be a part of go talk to friends there. People around you do care and this is a time for you to lean on them.

All the best mate. You’ll be fine. Your boy will be fine. Even getting on here and asking is a good move. Keep making good moves and remember there isn’t a set timeline with this stuff but you’ll get there.

PolicyGuy

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#2383585 1-Jan-2020 09:39

afe66:
As other as said it's OK to be sad and angry.

"Feelings" like anger and sadness and loneliness and even despair just happen, we have no control over them appearing, and it's pretty destructive to try to deny their existence.

What we can control is our reactions to those feelings, and how well we cope with them.
This is called resilience and/or self-control and it can be learned.

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hio77

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#2383586 1-Jan-2020 09:42

There is no right answer, we all deal with it very differently.

Best advice i could give is, give yourself time but also surround yourself with friends. It's very easy to drop into the darkness in situations like this.

Don't jump on tinder, as much as it might seem like a great idea to go get a QF and get it out.. You will likely not land so well on your feet from that.

Don't underestimate the time required to recover, Reach out and get help if you feel comfortable.

Personally, it took me seeing many professionals before i found the right one to work with me. Don't be afraid to go this style doesn't work for me and shop around.

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Any comments made are personal opinion and do not reflect directly on the position my current or past employers may have.

RickW

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#2383587 1-Jan-2020 09:46

Thanks guys, I’m trying to do what I can to make it work. My ex has asked for space and she’s planning on heading over seas for a few months and to see how she feels after that. She’s said not to get my hopes up but I can’t help it. 🤦🏼‍♂️ We both admit that we have something special but it’s like it’s not enough for her at the moment.

MikeB4

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#2383601 1-Jan-2020 11:05

When depression comes for you and your boy don't hide away talk about it, talk about, talk about it, and let your son talk about it. Be open with him so he feels he can be open with you. Kia kaha, take care.

gehenna

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#2383603 1-Jan-2020 11:10

RickW: We both admit that we have something special but it’s like it’s not enough for her at the moment.

Sounds like she's got some issues of her own to work out. You can't help with that. I'd prepare to start living your own lives.

clevedon

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#2383643 1-Jan-2020 13:22

Form a family trust before the next relationship.

muppet

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#2383720 1-Jan-2020 20:04

Dress up in muppet costumes and sing songs to your neighbors from your balcony at 3am. Buy a potted plant and pull a leaf off of it each day, telling it clearly that you're its master and it better do what you say, repeat this until a new potted plant is required. Ask Geekzone for advice. Attempt to eat a car. Date your microwave for a week to get an understanding of heating food at a more in-depth level. Order excessive amounts of unnecessary products from the Internet and practice your seduction skills on the couriers who deliver them. Write a 6 page poem using only your ex's name and different punctuation, submit it to publishers for feedback.

Best of lick.

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