How (not) to run a hotel

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#1221877 25-Jan-2015 15:57

My top 3 are:

1. No Air-conditioning when there needs to be (Or Broken, ineffective or overly noisy)
2. Dirty sheets / Bathroom from the previous tenant(s)
3. Incredibly expensive yet painfully slow internet

Generally you get what you pay for and other than the exceptions above, I don't generally complain unless the ratio is too far out of whack.

FineWine

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#1222028 25-Jan-2015 20:26

As a young and naive traveller in 1980 I stayed in an Anaheim Hotel LA after completing Contiki's largest euro camping tour of the time.

I arrived at LA airport in the late afternoon and after being assaulted by the washed out, mind wiped, Tamborine banging, orange glad Hare Krishna mob, I boarded a very smelly large shiny aluminium diesel fumed bus, and proceeded to my NZ pre-booked and pre-paid Anaheim hotel. Upon arrival at the hotel I was told as it was a public holiday weekend they did not have enough cash reserves to cash in the last of my travellers checks, luckily Disney Land did the next day otherwise I would not of had any US money. Anyway as nothing was open I briefly visited the hotel bar where the barman automatically put the change in a large tipping dish next to the till, except for me as I charged to the room (no US $ remember), I had a few beers and then returned to my room.

I had a ground floor room with a really nice outlook onto a lawned and gardened central courtyard. After returning from the bar I ordered a six pack and a plate of club sandwiches, turned on the telly and started watching M.A.S.H. When all of a sudden the night sky outside of my very large ranch sliders were lit up my the public holiday fireworks, wonderful. Then a bang of another sort occurred above the kitchenette counter, a light bulb had blown, spectacularly showering shards all through the lovely shag pile white carpet.

Rang reception and the duty manager appear fairly quickly, then disappeared, then the duty maintenance guy turned up shortly afterwards, briefly, then a non-english speaking lass appeared with her cleaning cart. By now the drip drip had begun to turn into a steady torrent of black muck. (remember the white shag pile carpet). The maintenance guy reappeared and stated that this explosive encounter had occurred due to the fact that water had dripped onto the circuitry from the kitchenette in the above floor room. Why you ask, well the occupant of that room had been washing her smalls in the kitchenettes sink and had left them to soak and had not turned the taps off fully.

But wait there is more.

When the maintenance guy turned the taps off and pulled out the plug the sink did not drain, reason, drain was blocked, presumably with a small item of said lady's under garments. (please note there was no grill in the sink outlet, I checked, mine did not have one also) Sooooo what did our intrepid maintenance guy do? He got an air gas cylinder and attempted to blow the offending item of clothing through the system.

Mean while, while the intrepid maintenance guy with the weet-bix packet plumbing certificate, was doing his maintenance??; the non-english speaking cleaner was doing her best to clean a blacken white shag pile carpet, the fireworks were still lighting up the sky and M.A.S.H. was still on the telly, the duty manager arrived to say they will move me to another room several floors up facing the highway, no lovely view. Now by this time I had had half a skin full of Coors beer whilst enjoying all these delightfully funny shenanigans, I refused.

When all of a sudden there was another large bang from the ceiling space above the kitchenette and a ceiling tile fell down. Our intrepid maintenance guy with his air gas had blown the above rooms piping apart. The non-english speaking cleaner screams and runs from the room followed closely behind by the duty manager. In the mean time I am nearly hyperventilating from laughter.

By this time the fireworks had finished and so had M.A.S.H, my Coors beer and club sandwiches are finished. The duty manager reappears and still wants me to move but I still refuse, the non-english speaking cleaner returns and does her best to clean the white shag pile carpet, the intrepid maintenance guy returns to inspect the damage and leaves to never again appear.

The silver lining to this story is room service turns up with a complimentary six pack of Coors beer and another plate of club sandwiches. I went to sleep quite drunk and with a room smelling of cleaning fluid with a hint of sewage.

Never been back to America since. Been all over Asia and stayed in some shady places but none has ever beaten that time I stayed in a Anaheim hotel.

Whilst the difficult we can do immediately, the impossible takes a bit longer. However, miracles you will have to wait for.

Glassboy

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#1222098 25-Jan-2015 22:10

I arrived at my room in the Marriott in West Conshohocken to find a policeman with his service revolver half out of its holster talking to the occupants of the next room. From what I could over hear it seems a threesome had gone horribly wrong. Really shocking jet lag was kicking in so I hid under all the bedding and pillows to get away from the screaming.

And then a few months later I was at a motel in Auckland near our office and the guy in the room above snored, the couple to the right were having a domestic, and there was a threesome going on to the left replete with maximum porn star soundtrack. I ended up going to sleep in my headphones listening to music about 2am. The next morning I had breakfast out in a little garden behind my unit, and my left hand neighbours came out into their garden for a smoke. I couldn't resist a peek through the fence. Two of the ugliest women I'd ever seen in my life. But all power to the guy. After that I always insisted on a decent hotel.

Geektastic

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#1222253 26-Jan-2015 09:47

Glassboy: I arrived at my room in the Marriott in West Conshohocken to find a policeman with his service revolver half out of its holster talking to the occupants of the next room. From what I could over hear it seems a threesome had gone horribly wrong. Really shocking jet lag was kicking in so I hid under all the bedding and pillows to get away from the screaming.

And then a few months later I was at a motel in Auckland near our office and the guy in the room above snored, the couple to the right were having a domestic, and there was a threesome going on to the left replete with maximum porn star soundtrack. I ended up going to sleep in my headphones listening to music about 2am. The next morning I had breakfast out in a little garden behind my unit, and my left hand neighbours came out into their garden for a smoke. I couldn't resist a peek through the fence. Two of the ugliest women I'd ever seen in my life. But all power to the guy. After that I always insisted on a decent hotel.

Ha! "maximum porn star soundtrack"! I hate that when it happens. So fake.

I often get that "all power to the guy" feeling when I see some of the women pushing prams around...

mclean

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#1222345 26-Jan-2015 12:23

Hotels that feed pay-per-minute porn channels to your TV, then diligently record on the bill everything you have watched for longer than the few free seconds preview. Seems to be a Japanese super-automation thing. Always livens up the expenses claim!

MikeAqua

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#1222392 26-Jan-2015 13:22

I have a new one. Bar staff emptying the bottle into the recycling skip at 3am - in three batches, about 5 minutes apart.

Whoever complained about ugly hookers - you can't blame the hotel for that!

Mike

DarthKermit

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#1222406 26-Jan-2015 13:47

(Mrs Darth here)

When we travel, we prefer to stay in backpackers or holiday parks. The worst we have ever stayed in was a backpackers in Masterton. NEVER AGAIN! The website pictures were way better than reality. The room we stayed in had a sash window that couldn't close properly and kept rattling until Kermit stuck a magazine in it to stop it. The mattress on our bed was lumpy and it sagged in the middle. I normally don't get too stressed, but due to lack of sleep poor Kermit only had to breathe and I would jump down his throat. I did e-mail the couple running it and told them what I thought of their "establishment", but surprisingly never got a reply. I was so heartbroken.

Whatifthespacekeyhadneverbeeninvented?

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BTR

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#1222494 26-Jan-2015 16:06

I stayed in a hotel in Wellington last year where the A/C was so noisy you would think they had mixed up where the indoor and outdoor units went. Worst thing was it was the middle of summer and stinking hot so needed to have it on the have any attempt at sleeping.

Another hotel I stayed in years ago had complimentary tea and coffee in the rooms as usual the only problem was you had to buy the pastil wrapped cup first and there was no kitchen sink to fill the kettle. After trying to fill it from the bathroom sink which I then decided probably wasn't clean I went to the bottle store.

langi27

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#1224636 29-Jan-2015 12:02

great thread by the way, enjoyed reading every ones thoughts.

The hotel/motel irons are always covered in some sticky crap, like someone tried to iron the soles of their shoes or wax their snowboard with it.

How about the fire/smoke alarm that flashes on/off driving you nuts when you can't sleep

Or when you go to checkout in the morning and your on the 25th floor, the lifts stops at every damn level to pick someone up, who has has much luggage as you do, so you can only fit like 5 people in the lift but you endure a slow and painful ride to the ground floor, only to get to the bottom and everyone makes a run for the front desk, where by you end up waiting another 20mins to be served because you were the first on the lift, so your the last off, which puts you at the back of the que. (yes - this has happened more than once)

Behodar

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#1224640 29-Jan-2015 12:16

langi27: Or when you go to checkout in the morning and your on the 25th floor, the lifts stops at every damn level to pick someone up, who has has much luggage as you do, so you can only fit like 5 people in the lift but you endure a slow and painful ride to the ground floor, only to get to the bottom and everyone makes a run for the front desk, where by you end up waiting another 20mins to be served because you were the first on the lift, so your the last off, which puts you at the back of the que. (yes - this has happened more than once)

Some hotels have an "express" checkout where you sign a card and drop it in a box along with your room key, so you don't need to line up or talk to anyone. They all need that!

lxsw20

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#1224732 29-Jan-2015 14:18

I don't even bother to check out, just leave the key in the room.

Geektastic

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#1224755 29-Jan-2015 14:38

DarthKermit: (Mrs Darth here)

When we travel, we prefer to stay in backpackers or holiday parks. The worst we have ever stayed in was a backpackers in Masterton. NEVER AGAIN! The website pictures were way better than reality. The room we stayed in had a sash window that couldn't close properly and kept rattling until Kermit stuck a magazine in it to stop it. The mattress on our bed was lumpy and it sagged in the middle. I normally don't get too stressed, but due to lack of sleep poor Kermit only had to breathe and I would jump down his throat. I did e-mail the couple running it and told them what I thought of their "establishment", but surprisingly never got a reply. I was so heartbroken.

That is very brave: I won't set foot in Masterton when the sun has gone down, much less actually stay there!!

We have a spoof council tagline for use on signs and posters "Welcome to Masterton: it's a bit sh*t!"

Geektastic

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#1224756 29-Jan-2015 14:39

Behodar:
langi27: Or when you go to checkout in the morning and your on the 25th floor, the lifts stops at every damn level to pick someone up, who has has much luggage as you do, so you can only fit like 5 people in the lift but you endure a slow and painful ride to the ground floor, only to get to the bottom and everyone makes a run for the front desk, where by you end up waiting another 20mins to be served because you were the first on the lift, so your the last off, which puts you at the back of the que. (yes - this has happened more than once)

Some hotels have an "express" checkout where you sign a card and drop it in a box along with your room key, so you don't need to line up or talk to anyone. They all need that!

Accor now let you check in on line the day before!

kiwitrc

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#1224787 29-Jan-2015 15:52

I just remembered another hotel fav, those little peephole things that let you see who is outside your door, well they are usually not screwed together very tight so its easy to remove them and turn them around.

shrub

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#1240099 16-Feb-2015 15:16

Just to reinforce my comments about internet charges ive been booked into a place next week for 2 nights. I have been advised by email on there charges.

Internet charges are:

$5 per 1/2hr

$30 for 1GB

Insane.

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