Please pick me I am good at writing good england. I also feel I am qualified because I have mastered the art of holding a phone to my ear and talking at the same time, something that could be useful in the review.

I also have 10 fingers and thus have the ability to confirm the devices ability to respond to touch 10 times better than a person with only one finger.  If needed I will also offer my toes, nose and tongue but I consider this going above and beyond.

If the device has a camera I can test the quality of the images by taking millions of photos of my children and plastering them mind numbingly across facebook.  If a photo gets a "Like" I will consider that a positive review of the phones camera technology cause my kids can be right sh*ts sometimes.

Another part of my review would be to show the new device to my wife and get her to comment on the specs and other technical aspects of the device.  This part of the review will be very short.

Towards the end of the review I will hand the phone to my 3 year old daughter, if she can use it then that is proof that the device is extremely user friendly. Additionally if I get the device back and it's not cracked, scratched, broken, covered in marmite (or other condiment), thrown in the toilet or being fed to the cat then this would result in a glowing review of the devices durability.

I think that about covers it.

Thanks for listening.