I'm currently using a brick of a phone: a Kyocera ke414.

I'd like to say in advance that I know my requirements are pretty high-end. I'm absolutely prepared to pay a correspondingly high price for the right phone (if it exists). I also want to say that everyone I have previously spoken to suggest the iPhone almost straight away; I'm not an Apple fan and would much rather go with an alternative.
Alright, on to my requirements...
Summary:
I intend to use the new phone just as much (or more) as a portable music player and/or netbook (for document viewing, email, web browsing, Google maps etc.) as I would for its regular phone capabilities. I'd also find a camera very handy. In other words, I'm looking for a jack-of-all-trades phone that doubles as an mp3 player, computer and camera.
Must have's:
- 3G HSDPA support
- 3.5mm audio line out
- Music playback (mp3, m4a/aac)
- WiFi
- USB
- Bluetooth
- Gmail access
- Google maps access
- Decent web browser
- Reasonable camera (2MP+, flash, shake compensation)
- At least 32GB storage. This could be via USB since I already have a 32GB USB stick (is this possible?). Alternatively a microSD card slot that can handle 32GB cards would be alright.
- Document viewer (plaintext, pdf, doc/docx, xls/xlsx, ppt/pptx). Alternatively the ability to use online viewers like http://www.viewdocsonline.com/ would be okay.
Big wants:
- Music playback (wav, flac)
- 850, 900 and 2100MHz UMTS support (for ability to use the phone with any service provider)
- Ability to develop apps (free SDK), open source OS, accelerometer, gyro etc.
- FM radio
Nice to have's:
- Flash support
- Video recording
- Video playback (mpg, m4v)
- Touch screen interface
- Torch
- QWERTY keyboard?
Thanks in advance for any advice!