Absolute Beginners Guide to Soccer

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lyonrouge

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#139112 28-Jan-2014 13:38

So, I'm going to a soccer game on Saturday and want to know the key features. I've read the Soccer for Dummies and How Soccer Works Pages so understand the basic mechanics and offside, however, how will I spot an important play so when people are cheering but no goal is scored I'll understand why?

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#975864 28-Jan-2014 13:41

I believe the first rule is "call it football unless you want to be beaten"

Handsomedan

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#975866 28-Jan-2014 13:42

My advice is to just play along.

Firstly (so you don't get too much ribbing from fellow fans) it's FOOTBALL.
Soccer is played in North America.

Football is so complicated atht unless you really understand and enjoy the game you likely won't know what the cheering and chanting is all about.

Suffice to say, buy a scarf, wave it about when the others (supporting the same team as you) do it and you'll be right.

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lyonrouge

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#975900 28-Jan-2014 14:14

Football it is then (ironically, what I call Football is playing on Monday).

Hammerer

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#975910 28-Jan-2014 14:23

Search on 'soccer strategy' and you'll find useful stuff like this: How to understand soccer strategy

Handsomedan:
Firstly (so you don't get too much ribbing from fellow fans) it's FOOTBALL.
Soccer is played in North America.

lyonrouge, you can really annoy some fans by using the term "soccer". It's worth remembering that because some fans get so incensed about it that they forget what they were originally arguing about.

It wasn't that long ago that it was the preferred term in NZ. I grew up in NZ on UK 'soccer' magazines. The term was coined there and is still widely used (Names for association football). The US has to use it because 'football' there means the American version. Likewise when searching on the Internet it can be worth using 'soccer' but the major search engines tend to make sure that New Zealanders don't get inundated with the American form.

TwoSeven

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#976076 28-Jan-2014 17:38

It is 'football' or more specifically 'association football' :) see other posts.

Couple of basic techniques (assuming you are right handed).

Always stop the ball with your left foot when its passed to you.
Kick it with your right....
Preferably to another player on your team (or just in front of them if they are moving)

If you want to lift the ball in the air, use the tops of your toes under the back of the ball (if you can play pool or snooker the rules of where you strike the ball are the same).
If you want to kick it in a straight line, use the inside of your foot (imagine your foot being a golf putter) if the person is in front or to the left, the outside if they are in front and to the right (roughly).

Learn the starting positions (where you start at the beginning of the game). Where you are located (your position) will dictate who will stand closet to you. Good idea to make a not of these people as these will likely be who you pass the ball to most.

If a defender, basically the closer they are to your goal, the harder you want to belt the ball up the field away from it. Forget tackling in as much as if you can get at the ball, kick it.

If a mid fielder (and not close to your own goal) pass the ball to someone further up field (you get to play both defence and offence here).

If a forward and within any reasonable distance of their goal, belt the ball has hard as you can with the pointy end of your foot (think rugby toe punt here) towards the goal keeper - try and lean over the ball when you kick it so it doesn't rise in the air. Not important if the goal keeper gets in the way, you get extra style points if said keeper gets in the way of the ball and it still goes in the goal.

And the only other trick - if you don't want to be tackled, make sure you are between the ball and the tackler - technically, it is a penalty if one touches the player before the ball when tackling. There is a call that others will use to tell you someone on the other team is about to tackle you.

Oh, and most importantly - run around and shout quite a lot - this is the basic objective of the game - preferably more running that shouting.

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lyonrouge

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#976116 28-Jan-2014 18:15

I should have clarified, I'm watching, not playing, I'm not sure Feenix would consider me for the team.

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TwoSeven

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#976129 28-Jan-2014 18:55

The same rules still apply to watching as well as playing. Except you need (as pointed out above) appropriate supporting equipment such as a scarf.

Knowing the basic techniques mentioned above qualifies you as an expert in the football supporting world. This allows you to offer well-intentioned 'advice' to the referee when said person mistakenly awards a penalty to the opposition or does not see 'said foul' committed by an opposition player.

In the case of supporting the game, the rule of running around and shouting still applies - however, more shouting that running is expected here. Ideally, the skilled supporter would of course be sitting and not running at all - as people say - its the thought that counts.

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lyonrouge

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#976131 28-Jan-2014 19:00

Apparently shirtlessness will be required?

Handsomedan

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#976635 29-Jan-2014 13:08

lyonrouge: Apparently shirtlessness will be required?

Only in the final 10 minutes and only if The Phoenix are winning...otherwise, shirtlessness will just be seen as childishness and (if you're not fat) showing off.

Personally, I'd be happy to wave my shirt around above my head in the last 10 minutes, provided I was also wearing a shirt to cover my ...um...tan.

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lyonrouge

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#976650 29-Jan-2014 13:19

I shall prepare myself, and those around me, for the near blinding light of my IT tan.

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#976652 29-Jan-2014 13:21

Whenever Phoenix player touches ball or passes it shout scream support. Don’t worry about your voice – you’re unlikely to be hoarse at the end of the game

Whenever opposition player advances in front of ball when only the Phoenix Goalie is left shout “Offside ref are you blind” (get your head fully around the offside rule as this is probably the most misunderstood rule around)
Whenever Phoenix player advances in front of ball when only the opposition Goalie is left remain silent.

When Opposition player falls on the ground after atackle shout “Hollywood”
When Phoenix player falls on ground after a tackle shout “Foul ref send him off”

Whenever opposition tackles a Phoneix player shout “foul play the ball”
Whenever Phonix player tackles opposition shout “Nice slide” or “Nice block”

Prepare for post match analysis.
-       Great defense, they played deep. It was the defenders night and X really stood out
-       Defenders really soaked up the pressure, held firm and stuck to plan.
-       Great offense, stuck to plan. X made great use of the ball and killed the opponents
-       Jeez – their big players really dominated
-       Etc etc – read previous post match media reports and memorize good bits.

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lyonrouge

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#976707 29-Jan-2014 14:25

Gold

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#976709 29-Jan-2014 14:29

lyonrouge: So, I'm going to a soccer game on Saturday and want to know the key features. I've read the Soccer for Dummies and How Soccer Works Pages so understand the basic mechanics and offside, however, how will I spot an important play so when people are cheering but no goal is scored I'll understand why?

Don't worry about goals, the odds are very high there will be none.

Here is a crazy notion, lets give peace a chance.

crackrdbycracku

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#976715 29-Jan-2014 14:43

lyonrouge: I should have clarified, I'm watching, not playing, I'm not sure Feenix would consider me for the team.

You would be surprised.

First up yell Fee [wait for it] Nix, in the best Northern English accent you have. This is very distinct from the correct New Zealand pronunciation which of course would be Fay [wait for it] Nucks.

Basically, watching football live is great because you can watch the whole field at once. The ball is often not where the 'action' is I usually try to spot movement away from the ball as that is where the ball will, in a perfect world, be going next.

Enjoy, mostly people want to talk about what they are watching so ask questions.

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Geektastic

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#976756 29-Jan-2014 15:30

lyonrouge: So, I'm going to a soccer game on Saturday and want to know the key features. I've read the Soccer for Dummies and How Soccer Works Pages so understand the basic mechanics and offside, however, how will I spot an important play so when people are cheering but no goal is scored I'll understand why?

Two teams, usually 11 per side, usually working class people who can do little else.

Teams waste 90 minutes kicking a ball around a muddy field, trying to kick it in a net.

Everyone goes home.

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