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President Spanky as an angler fish ...
... and today's best bogus headline is: FAILED MAIL-ORDER STEAK SALESMAN WANTS MILITARY TO FUND RACIST BORDER WALL 
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Plesse igmore amd axxept applogies in adbance fir anu typos
SCIENTISTS BAFFLED BY MCCONNELL AND RYAN’S ABILITY TO STAND UPRIGHT WITHOUT SPINES
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Calling it a “medical mystery of the first order,” scientists are baffled by the ability of Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell and House Speaker Paul Ryan to stand upright without the benefit of backbones.
Doctors at the University of Minnesota Medical School, who have been studying the skeletal structures of both Republicans for months, believe that their ability to stand, walk, and even break into a brisk trot when confronted by reporters’ questions is “virtually inexplicable.”
“The fact that they can do these things without the aid of spines makes McConnell and Ryan anomalies in the animal kingdom,” said Dr. Davis Logsdon. “According to everything medical science teaches us, their bodies should be collapsing to the ground in two heaps.”
As the Minnesota scientists have struggled to solve the medical conundrum presented by the two invertebrate leaders, one theory that has gained traction is what Logsdon calls “the startled-deer hypothesis.”
“Just as a deer freezes in the headlights of a car and briefly appears statue-like, we believe that Ryan and McConnell’s bodies may retain their rigid structure out of terror alone,” he said. “In other words, fear is performing the function that a spine performs in other people.”
Calling it “just a theory,” Logsdon said that the anatomies of McConnell and Ryan require further study, and that there was growing public support for both men to be dissected.
'Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities.' Voltaire
'A patriot must always be ready to defend his country against his government.' Edward Abbey
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New York Magazine 02 April 2018:
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TIME Magazine 09 April 2018:
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The Washington Post - 02 April 18 - Trump might give Iran an incalculable windfall
On Thursday, Trump said, “We’ll be coming out of Syria, like, very soon. Let the other people take care of it now.”
He then froze the paltry $200 million the United States had pledged to help rebuild areas liberated from the Islamic State.
If Trump follows through - always a big if with him - he will be reversing a decision he made late last year at the urging of Defense Secretary Jim Mattis and then-Secretary of State Rex Tillerson.
Staying in Syria appears to be another one of those moves - like not abandoning the Iran nuclear deal or not imposing tariffs - that was forced on Trump by his advisers and that he is reversing now that he has decided to stop listening to people who know what they are talking about.
The “very stable genius” prefers to follow his own instincts - you know, the ones that led him into six corporate bankruptcies.
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FIRED TRUMP STAFFERS HOLD FIRST REUNION
HOUSTON (The Borowitz Report)—Former White House staffers who were fired by Donald Trump held their first reunion on Easter Sunday in Houston’s Astrodome.
The event, which drew a crowd of approximately sixty-five thousand people, had been organized by the recently axed Secretary of State, Rex Tillerson.
“The turnout is just outstanding,” a beaming Tillerson told reporters. “Of course, most of these people didn’t have anything else to do.”
The reunion was a veritable Who’s Who of dismissed Trump staffers, with such luminaries as Anthony Scaramucci, Sean Spicer, H. R. McMaster, Reince Priebus, and Steve Bannon spotted side by side at a make-your-own-taco station.
While the event ran smoothly for the most part, there was one minor hiccup when David Shulkin, the former Secretary of Veterans Affairs, was briefly denied entry until he could prove that he had actually been fired rather than having resigned.
“We made it very clear from the outset that this party was for fired staffers only,” Tillerson said. “But once David walked us through exactly how he got canned we were, like, O.K., you can come in.”
Given the success of the reunion, Tillerson said that it was “more than likely” that he would schedule a similar gathering for next year, but added, “We’re going to need a bigger stadium.”
'Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities.' Voltaire
'A patriot must always be ready to defend his country against his government.' Edward Abbey
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Things are so bad that CNBC had to point out that the president is the one on the left. (see banner at bottom of screen)
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