My internet speed dropped last week.
Sweet I thought, time to reset the router and modem and play the power cycle prince routine, but no it was not to be.
After an evening of Netflix refusing to load and comparing the speed of my cell data connection against that of my broadband I took a big breath and rang the Vodafone Help Line
OK. this cant be that bad I tell myself...
30 minutes later having had all my details ready I wondered which karmic transgression i had made
OK. I'm told to call back tomorrow when the provisioning team are on board
So I called. I am still on the line now at 52 minutes

First I got the front desk (i guess for a better description) - They were really not good but with a few false starts and after a patient 20 minutes of slow uncertain feedback and several long "On-Hold" delays I got my account number across successfully and told that they can do nothing but direct my call
Then I got handed over to billing. They were much better, They understood my account details and got rid of me in under ten minutes after telling me that I am paying the correct bill schedule, to Provisioning

Well, Dante really was a newb wasn't he. What fresh horror is this I wonder as I slide into the deepest circle of hell: AKA Vodafone Provisioning
My account number which was recognized twice previously is now incorrect? OooooKay...
My address which is not recognized within the Provisioning teams access but IS recognized in the previous two teams databases? Again Ooookay..

OK at 60:00 minutes now, I have asked to speak to a TL as I just want to cry or destroy something and it is almost impossible to remain civil to the people I need assistance from

Oh, and each time I get put on hold, I get the same on hold music played from the beginning of the loop

Oh and I'm at 73 minutes now -  I think I'll post this and go for a smoke

No, wait, My account number is now valid - OK now perhaps my call will be dealt with "fastly"

80 minutes and we have established that my account is valid (That means it is working)

"Please be there - let me check"
OK at 86 minutes - I get told that provisioning is all sorted and that the technical teams are now on the case and my account is sorted....But I havent asked that question...I have asked why our account is provisioned to 50/10 and the duration for which it was incorrectly provisioned
"Please be there - let me check"

"Let me guide the agent" and I get put through to the technical team

And again, the on hold music

91 minutes... How much longer can I play this game.... It is a war of attrition and I ask myself, did I prepare fully for this - My coffee is just a dry ring memory at the bottom of my cup my vape looks at me
My phone is being charged as I write so I am fine with that

Ooh.... 94 minutes I get asked my name. Again. by the agent that is guiding the next agent

I may have actually forgotten why I am calling .

Obligatory Throw away account on reddit/NZ

Here comes the sun 100 minutes

Vodafone will NOT let me know when the "system glitch" that has caused the issue occurred

So I have no insight as to how long the issue has been occurring or how or why it occurred

At the end I gave up - 120 minutes - I am disappointed that I expected better