Are we becoming less caring?

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dejadeadnz

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#1494233 17-Feb-2016 18:45

ludez:

It is so easy nowadays to lose that human contact with people. Such as someone being unwell they can just post something on facebook and most of them think of that as the norm now. Which is sad really, when human contact is what really matters.

Also people are so caught up in their own lives they barely have time for others. I make sure who ever needs my time gets it.

To my eyes, the use of Facebook etc isn't necessarily the problem. It's not always practical to talk or meet and I accept that. What galls me is how many people cannot personalise their contact or put some thought to it. And maybe I am just cynical but I can't help but think that some of the people who posted on my friend's FB wall in her situation just want to be seen by others as caring.

And how busy people are sometimes is just a reflection of their willingness to invest time in things like organising and planning their week. Even when I was working 70+ hour weeks I still found time to care about close friends and family. You obviously can't do as much but I just don't get people who claim to really care about somebody and don't even send something as short as a text to ask about them for months on end.

froob

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#1494370 17-Feb-2016 20:57

I was thinking on something similar the other day and wondered whether the heavy emphasis there seems to be these days on "not caring what others think" is perhaps a double-edged sword when it comes to considering the feelings of others.

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DravidDavid

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#1494405 17-Feb-2016 21:24

I'm 24 and feel as if it's my generation that is less caring, less forward thinking and generally less inquisitive regardless of the fact that there is so much information out there to consume. I can only go by my personal experience also. And it's always been the older people who stop and help me. I do my best to stop and help people however. I'm often rewarded in some way, even if not directly.

I did laugh when I helped a man who had over-heated and was on the side of the road, coolant everywhere. I advised him not to continue driving and that more than a 600ml pump bottle of water was required to get him moving again. He ignored me, but I agreed to follow him in to town in case he ceased on the way to pizza hut and needed a lift. He swore multiple times he had his car booked in to get it fixed before we parted ways.

About a month later, I was traveling in the opposite direction and saw him once again in the same area with his bonnet up, engine soaked in coolant because the fool had taken the radiator cap off while the engine was hot...again.

Paul1977

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#1494634 18-Feb-2016 09:17

MikeB4: I know I tend to answer when asked how am I " I am fine thanks" even though the opposite is the case.

Sometimes when someone asks me "How are you?", I will give an answer like "not that great today" and generally people have no idea how to react. Or sometimes they will say "oh good" because they weren't even listening as they just expected to hear "good thanks".

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't guilty of doing the same, but people use "How are you?" as an alternate way of saying "Hello" that seems more personal and caring - but they don't really want to hear anything but "fine thanks", or "good thanks".

Geektastic

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#1494673 18-Feb-2016 09:46

froob:

I was thinking on something similar the other day and wondered whether the heavy emphasis there seems to be these days on "not caring what others think" is perhaps a double-edged sword when it comes to considering the feelings of others.

Really? It seems to me that more people now care what others think than ever before. Indeed, I might go so far as to say that a whole tranche of people care only what others think and only say things that they believe will gain Facebook/Twitter/press approval rather than risk disapproval.

Since we began legislating what you can and cannot think, this has been growing - and social media made it much worse. For example, boarding houses in 50's Britain would often have signs saying "No blacks, no Irish" in the window. Legislation makes that illegal. What it does not do is stop people wishing they could still put the sign in the window....

There are so many examples of people being "forced" to "apologise on Twitter" these days that my eyes glaze over. Stephen Fry and the bag lady thing being but the most recent I am aware of. If he thought she looked like a bag lady he was at liberty to say so but many people in his position today would not have done so for fear of the situation he found himself in, regardless of whether they agreed with him.

Jas777

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#1494706 18-Feb-2016 10:30

Yes we are, but it was always going to happen.

As long as it is the 'governments fault' and they 'have' to fix then why would anyone else want to?

And also it is easier to not say anything than to say something and have the thought police on your back because you didn't say the right thing.

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dickytim

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#1494721 18-Feb-2016 10:52

Interesting, I went through a sudden brake up last year and there were plenty of people who posted on FB but only 3 that actually made any real contact.

A facebook post takes no effort and shows no sort of care IMO.

dejadeadnz

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#1494789 18-Feb-2016 11:29

dickytim:

Interesting, I went through a sudden brake up last year and there were plenty of people who posted on FB but only 3 that actually made any real contact.

A facebook post takes no effort and shows no sort of care IMO.

I find the increasing (seemingly unmourned) loss of the distinction between what ought to be private and what ought to be "public" or at least out in the open, to be alarming on so many levels. I would never, ever post on someone's FB wall to commiserate in relation to an unexpected breakup for many, many reasons.

For a start, the opportunity for the recipient to "reach back" and ask for help is certainly limited by the communication context. Sure, they can PM me on Facebook or call me or whatever but if my primary motivation is to care about someone, why make them do that? Secondly, by going via a more private medium, I would hope to reinforce a message of personal bond and confidentiality. I want to care about the person because of them and that everything is between us not because of any perceived need to live up to any social expectation.

Last year I was involved in a minor traffic accident through no fault of my own. Three of my closest friends live within 15 minutes drive of where I live. Only one offered to visit; one never ever said a thing.

Fred99

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#1494822 18-Feb-2016 12:02

Unless there's been a longitudinal study carried out, using some psychological measurement technique defining "empathy" or some other relevant aspect of behaviour, we're all probably stabbing in the dark for answers to that question.

My gut feeling is yes - we are becoming less caring;

Our society has become more meritocratic and more individualistic. Whether that's a good thing or not is another debate. As an economic and marketing model it clearly works. Meritocracy is a great concept - with a few provisos. It's only going to work if there's something in place to ensure equality of opportunity. It's also fraught with the problem that the rewards for success aren't just material (things you can buy with money) but the gaining of power/influence. The most insidious side effect of meritocratic principles is the implication that misery due to lack of (financial) success is deserved. Combine that with the other factors, that there will be less opportunity for the poor, that the voice of the poor will be shouted-down by those with power/influence. Then that the "reverse meritocratic" implication is combined with an imperative to maximise growth (ie by reducing taxes and public welfare expenditure) and you get what we've got - a maligned underclass in society with stereotypes reinforced by media. Yet few seem to care - and many do not want to know about it.

dejadeadnz

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#1495228 18-Feb-2016 20:45

I have to say I definitely notice a distinct lack of consideration for others, including towards one's own friends and family, amongst people my age and below. I am supposed to be ringing up a friend at an agreed time (almost certainly to assist this individual) as we agreed earlier. But I cannot raise him on the phone. I have tried multiple times - at exactly the agreed time, a few minutes later, and about half an hour later. I can see that during this period he has found the time to post photos on his FB but not to check his phone.

Sigh.

Edit: I have officially given up. He can go and get his help elsewhere. I suspect I know what he's wanting but I am just tired of dealing with people who can't live up to their promises.

Batman

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#1495422 19-Feb-2016 09:25

Are we beginning less caring?

Let's take a look at our core value:
Who is new Zealander of the year? Someone doing caring things or someone smashing everyone else to be best at something?

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Batman

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#1495424 19-Feb-2016 09:25

Ah don't you love Swype

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