Coming out on Facebook

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#371347 23-Aug-2010 09:25

Balchy:
I have no idea how to tell my mum and dad though. I'll start asking my gay mate but he only has a mum, so its easier for him I think.

Any parents here got any advice on whats easiest on you from a parents perspective? Or a general adult?

"Hey mum, dad, what has two thumbs and loves the ****? THIS GUY"

LOLYES. Do it at sunday dinner to infront of all the family. lol

NonprayingMantis

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#371357 23-Aug-2010 09:48

How would I feel?

Depends who it was. I have a few friends who have come out since school ? and it was always really obvious to everyone they were gay long before they announced it. My reaction was very much ?yeah, that figures?

If one of my friends came out who I thought was straight I would be pretty surprised, but it wouldn?t bother me.

aim

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#371370 23-Aug-2010 10:08

I think my group of friends is very conservative... I don't have any close friends who're gay. I know of gay people, but noone close. Having said that, if someone was, I wouldn't care. In fact, I already have some suspicions... :P

Sometimes it's the least likely person you'd think is gay, that turns out gay. There's no real formula for working it out. I have no idea how a parent would take it, I think mine would be ok, my dad might be a little... annoyed or disappointed actually, but my mum would be supportive I think. Hard to gauge. Good luck, I don't think FB is a good idea. Tell the people you feel comfortable telling and the word'll get out.

Your parents I would definitely sit down and tell in person. If you have any close siblings tell them first, and ask them how your parents might react, they know them as well as you do after all :P

chiefie

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#371381 23-Aug-2010 10:22

Well you've taken the first step of coming out to YOURSELF. As that's the most important part. Once you have accepted yourself, then telling your parents isn't that difficult. There may be chances that they may kick you out or disowning or disbelief you, but there may also be chances that they already knew (especially mother) and they won't be too shocked.

Key important thing is, be sure of you know who you yourself are. You must be able to be comfortable with yourself, love yourself then you'll see that other people will love you and take you as you are, not what your sexuality be.

Remember, (and remind yourself) friends that truly are your friends, will not bothered by your sexuality, they may feel uncomfortable at the beginning, but you have been their friends, and they have been your friends for much longer and more way more important than your sexuality. They get to know the person before the sexuality.

You have nothing to worry about, you're still young and there's support line if you need help or have people to talk to.

Whatever it is, make sure you found yourself first, then tell your parents at a suitable neutral moment, bring it up lightly and softly but don't aggravate the moment or bring in the topic when you sense there's a bit of hostility. Talk to your very close friend (gay or straight or whatever) and maybe even another sibling in the family, or a friend that your parents know quite well and comfortable with. Have him/her around as your support.

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freitasm

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#371391 23-Aug-2010 10:40

You already came out on Geekzone... So that's a step...

sleemanj

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#371409 23-Aug-2010 11:05

Common courtesy would indicate that one should probably make such attestations to one's family before just blithely broadcasting it on a social network.

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michaelmurfy

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#371423 23-Aug-2010 11:27

Well coming out on Geekzone was a big step for you, I would say that you should come out on Facebook, but say something like "This is a serious post, and I don't know how to say it, but I am gay, I bat for the other team, just putting it out there for all of you there" - If people comment as it's a joke, be up-front about it. It's nothing to be embarrassed about. You might find that some people won't accept it at first - but this is normal. Very soon it will just become a part of life.

Holding it inside just makes things worse, come out, come out my child!

Plus if anyone Google's "Sam is gay geekzone" then they get this:

There we go, you made the first step, now finish it off like a man :)

Plus I get crap too, about my bizarre music taste, I am currently listening to Ke$ha - but the thing is I am not gay - just have a genually weird music taste >.<

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#371437 23-Aug-2010 11:48

Good on you dude. You've already got a few friends on board so if anything does go wrong (unlikely) with your family, you'll at least have a decent support network with your friends.

I do think you should tell your family before you go posting it on Facebook though - they have the right to know before your wider social network does and there's every chance they'll find out 'second hand' which could upset them.

How old are you? I think I was 18 when I told my parents (told my closest friends a couple years prior). Hopefully you're at least that old, as any younger and they might think it's "just a phase" etc..

Good luck with it all!

Delorean

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#371454 23-Aug-2010 12:13

All I can say is Well done! there are many people in life who will live in denial and are never happy, by doing this when you are still young, you have so much to look forward to.

I have a friend who found out his 21yr old boy was gay, he wasn't shocked, but i think he already knew he was.

Well Done! by admitting it, you get more respect than denying it.

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smac

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#371487 23-Aug-2010 13:41

Word of warning - you never know who knows who...the whole 7 steps thing is very very real, particularly in this country. Personally I think parting with any piece of personal information via FB shows one $%&'d up social construct. The fact that you've chosen to discuss this with a bunch of people you think you don't know shows you're well on the way.

No apologies if that sounds harsh - I personally know of someone who's parents found out his marriage was over because he didn't think that perhaps his mate might mention it to her parents, and guess who's parents they knew.....

FB does NOT replace the need to communicate with people, blows me away how many people just don't get that.....

Good luck telling your parents first, time is against you....

Linuxluver

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#371554 23-Aug-2010 15:34

tardtasticx: Well I don't know if you guys know (I sure hope not anyway because you guys must be stalkers if you do xD), but I'm gay. And I told another one of my friends today (I've told 3 before him, so now 2 guys and 2 girls know) and they are my closest friends. I knew they would react great about it, which is why I told them first and I didn't want them to feel left out if they found out through someone else.

So my question is, how would you feel if you found out one of your friends was gay over Facebook?

I'm really tempted to put my status to "is gay" and let people know all at once. Once I do that I'll tell mum and dad and do it all in one big bombshell, because it's been eating away at me for a long long time.

And those haters out there, keep the comments to PM if you feel the need to rant but I'm sure you all will be cool.

Cheers, Sam.

I'd recommend you let people learn as they go and as it becomes relevant. Otherwise, it's TMI...and off-putting.

There's something that feels 'odd' about people running around PROCLAIMING their sexuality.....

Relax....and let it happen organically. Word will get around...and you won't have tell very many people at all.

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tardtasticx

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#371555 23-Aug-2010 15:34

Yeh, parents first, then any other friends who I think are close enough, then facebook? I'm really chicken when it comes to telling people, its really one of the hardest things I've done. When I told one person over the phone I cried, we both did. I can't bare to think what it will be like in person, face to face. I have my last exam tomorrow morning (these are mock exams but I want to hold off telling parents/FB until after because teachers all said if we mess up these exams big time then we get taken out of externals and I can't risk that) so I prob will tell parents. After exam finish's at mid-day, I have rest of day off so I can think about how I will do it. Perhaps after dinner, because mum usually watches Coronation street and dad and brother go to rumpus room and talk on phone/play xbox etc.. so I can speak to her without the annoying animal that is my brother.

And MichaelMurfy; I found LMGTFY.com today: http://lmgtfy.com/?q=Sam+is+gay+Geekzone

xD Best invention ever.

graemeh

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#371562 23-Aug-2010 15:42

Don't stress over it!! You can't change the way you feel.

When you are ready tell your parents and don't worry! They will react however they react, you can't change that either and it is nothing to be scared of (unless your dad has a mullet, spends lots of time whittling wood in his rocking chair and always has a banjo and a loaded shotgun nearby)

chiefie

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#371563 23-Aug-2010 15:42

@tardtasticx. Just as @linuxluver said, you don't need to tell the world (or Facebook for this matter)... as you don't need to declare it out to anyone to know... they will know or learn as the life goes on, and beside you don't need them to learn about your sexuality before you as their friends. Let it unfold organically.

You don't see straight people go and put it on Facebook status and say "Hey I'm STRAIGHT!"... that's just weird and abnormal, announcing it out regardless you're gay or straight or bi or trans or whatever... it's nobody's business, and only relevant to people closer to your life.

So, I'd suggest, don't go and put it out on the Facebook, with the internet, it's already done a small part of it for you (handy work of Google).

Now that you've out to yourself, soon to your parents/family.. then close friends then that'll be enough.

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Linuxluver

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#371569 23-Aug-2010 15:46

If your name is really Sam [removed], then you just came out to several thousand random people on Geekzone.

You thinking this through?

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