Coming out on Facebook

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tardtasticx

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#66750 22-Aug-2010 22:42

Well I don't know if you guys know (I sure hope not anyway because you guys must be stalkers if you do xD), but I'm gay. And I told another one of my friends today (I've told 3 before him, so now 2 guys and 2 girls know) and they are my closest friends. I knew they would react great about it, which is why I told them first and I didn't want them to feel left out if they found out through someone else.

So my question is, how would you feel if you found out one of your friends was gay over Facebook?

I'm really tempted to put my status to "is gay" and let people know all at once. Once I do that I'll tell mum and dad and do it all in one big bombshell, because it's been eating away at me for a long long time.

And those haters out there, keep the comments to PM if you feel the need to rant but I'm sure you all will be cool.

Cheers, Sam.

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#371264 22-Aug-2010 22:46

I have a friend whom I found out about on FB. We all pretty much thought so anyway so it was no surprise, except that the way he did it made it a bit hard to figure out whether he actually was gay. Be straight up about it, no BS.

And I'd suggest you tell your parents before it - imagine if they found out via someone on FB lol.

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tardtasticx

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#371268 22-Aug-2010 22:49

Zeon: I have a friend whom I found out about on FB. We all pretty much thought so anyway so it was no surprise, except that the way he did it made it a bit hard to figure out whether he actually was gay. Be straight up about it, no BS.

And I'd suggest you tell your parents before it - imagine if they found out via someone on FB lol.

I have strict rules, no family on my facebook friends list. xD. My friends post some horrible updates sometimes and they've requested my parents to be friends before, and when I check the family email for trademe or something i see them and blocked all my friends from mum and dads account. hahaha.

I have no idea how to tell my mum and dad though. I'll start asking my gay mate but he only has a mum, so its easier for him I think.

Any parents here got any advice on whats easiest on you from a parents perspective? Or a general adult?

XtPower

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#371271 22-Aug-2010 22:58

i found out my best mate was gay via facebook i was ok with it nothing wrong with being gay

nickd

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#371274 22-Aug-2010 23:00

Basically that's the first thing to change on someone's profile at uni if they leave themselves logged in, so I don't think it would be as effective as you may think. My first thought would just be 'Hah. Fool got hacked.'.

Zeon

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#371276 22-Aug-2010 23:02

tardtasticx:
Zeon: I have a friend whom I found out about on FB. We all pretty much thought so anyway so it was no surprise, except that the way he did it made it a bit hard to figure out whether he actually was gay. Be straight up about it, no BS.

And I'd suggest you tell your parents before it - imagine if they found out via someone on FB lol.

I have strict rules, no family on my facebook friends list. xD. My friends post some horrible updates sometimes and they've requested my parents to be friends before, and when I check the family email for trademe or something i see them and blocked all my friends from mum and dads account. hahaha.

I have no idea how to tell my mum and dad though. I'll start asking my gay mate but he only has a mum, so its easier for him I think.

Any parents here got any advice on whats easiest on you from a parents perspective? Or a general adult?

To be straight up, are you a little flamboyant due to your sexuality ot more served... I'm not sure how I can really say this without causing offense but if the former, you may find they have their own suspicions. If you want you can PM me and I'll put you in touch with the friend of mine (known him for 10 years almost) and I'm sure he can give you some good advice.

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tardtasticx

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#371278 22-Aug-2010 23:07

I don't think I'm flamboyant, my gay mate is and I don't see why some gay people go like that but I'm not one to judge. Apart from me only having one girlfriend when I was like 10, and taking a girl to the ball as a friend this year, I don't see why people would be suspicious. From my point of view I act like any other guy, but other might see it differently. I don't know.

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robbyp

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#371280 22-Aug-2010 23:11

tardtasticx:
Zeon: I have a friend whom I found out about on FB. We all pretty much thought so anyway so it was no surprise, except that the way he did it made it a bit hard to figure out whether he actually was gay. Be straight up about it, no BS.

And I'd suggest you tell your parents before it - imagine if they found out via someone on FB lol.

I have strict rules, no family on my facebook friends list. xD. My friends post some horrible updates sometimes and they've requested my parents to be friends before, and when I check the family email for trademe or something i see them and blocked all my friends from mum and dads account. hahaha.

I have no idea how to tell my mum and dad though. I'll start asking my gay mate but he only has a mum, so its easier for him I think.

Any parents here got any advice on whats easiest on you from a parents perspective? Or a general adult?

By doing it on face book, what are you trying to achieve? JUst to get teh word out there? As soon as your friends know, your parents may find out, as your friends will tell their parents, and parents will tell their friends etc, and in NZ, everyone knows everyone else through 2 degrees of separation.

It take it you are quite young, perhaps in your late teens early twenties.

One of my best friends came out a few years ago, and he was in his late twenties. It came as quite a shock to me , although his female friends said they already kind of knew. I would have to say we aren't as close friends as we used to be, although that is partly because he moved overseas with his partner.

I woudl tell you best friends and then your parents, and then do the facebook thing. Your parents may or may not take it well. My friend who came out, his parents did not take it well, and didn't speak to him for about a year, as they were very conservative. However now they are coping with it better.

scotteffone

215 posts

Master Geek

#371281 22-Aug-2010 23:14

I wouldn't give a crap!

It would be hard to figure out if the status was genuine like an earlier poster said haha.

But past that, if you want people to know, however you do it it doesn't matter. Once they work out you are gay their real emotions will come forth. I have a few friends that are gay and I always recall the transition between them knowing I don't know to them knowing I know (If that makes sense). It doesn't matter one bit to me but I could always see they are watching my reaction. Must be hard. Good stuff though! Must be awesome having your best friends know now.

robbyp

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#371283 22-Aug-2010 23:16

scotteffone: I wouldn't give a crap!

It would be hard to figure out if the status was genuine like an earlier poster said haha.

But past that, if you want people to know, however you do it it doesn't matter. Once they work out you are gay their real emotions will come forth. I have a few friends that are gay and I always recall the transition between them knowing I don't know to them knowing I know (If that makes sense). It doesn't matter one bit to me but I could always see they are watching my reaction. Must be hard. Good stuff though! Must be awesome having your best friends know now.

When my friend told me he was gay, I could tell he was looking for what my emotion was. I just told him it wasn't that big a deal and many people I was at uni with were too, and it wasn't a big deal these days.

tardtasticx

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#371285 22-Aug-2010 23:22

It was. It's one of the hardest things I've done. Kind of compared it to NCEA, While on holiday. I knew all my friends had their results in the day before I was due to fly home and I was stressed at waiting for the results.

I chickened out sending messages to friends, and when I called my friend thats a girl to tell her, I said "I have something to tell you..."
"Awuuh what is it Sam?"
"I... Miss you" (she had moved away from Auckland a few weeks prior)

then a week or so later I actually did it and she was the first person I told in voice.
I cried for hours on the phone with her, and she did to. I'm scared of telling other people in person because me and my gay best mate just grew up together and have always known. We've never told each other but we talk about it all the time. its awesome.

When I told another girl friend, it was over FB chat. and the guy friend I told today, was over MSN, both those times I chickened out and retyped the message like 5 times. But just said "F%$K it" and slammed the enter key. Nearly had a heart attack while the indicator said he was typing for about 20seconds, and I got the response "ok, cool".

Just wish life had a little chat window :L

jbard

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#371287 22-Aug-2010 23:23

Yeah doing it over facebook, some people may just think you are joking. I guess if you made a serious post about it then that would be better than "such and such: is gay"

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wmoore

510 posts

Ultimate Geek

#371307 23-Aug-2010 04:08

Why don't you update your about me page and put it in there.

"In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years." -
-- Abraham lincoln

wmoore

510 posts

Ultimate Geek

#371321 23-Aug-2010 07:44

wmoore: Why don't you update your about me page and put it in there.

Don't put Gay just say in relationship with XXXXX

"In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years." -
-- Abraham lincoln

Balchy

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#371323 23-Aug-2010 07:48

I have no idea how to tell my mum and dad though. I'll start asking my gay mate but he only has a mum, so its easier for him I think.

Any parents here got any advice on whats easiest on you from a parents perspective? Or a general adult?

"Hey mum, dad, what has two thumbs and loves the ****? THIS GUY"

For billions of years since the outset of time, every single one of your ancestors survived, every single person on your Mum and Dads side, successfully looked after and passed onto you life. What are the chances of that like?

illicit

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#371344 23-Aug-2010 09:19

Epic LOL

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