Be Alert!

We need more lerts.

networkn:

Be Alert!

 

 

 

We need more lerts.

 

 

"How do you make a small fortune?"

"By having a large fortune and marrying without a marriage contract."

Teacher: Where is your homework student

student: I ate it

Teacher : you what?!

Student: I tried to get the dog to, but he wouldn't so I had to.

Friend: "I failed my Aboriginal music exam."

Me: "Did you redo it?"

What is grey and cannot fly?

A pigeon that is too fat!

A man meets a lawyer at a party and strikes up a conversation. "Hey, so, how much would you charge to say, answer three questions?"

"Oh, about $800 usually."

"Wow... don't you think that's a bit expensive to just answer three questions?"

"No, not really. But what's your third question?"

^ that reminds of the classic gag where you offer someone $20 in return for breaking two eggs on their head but only break one.

"So how do we split the pizza?"
 

"I get it all and you get the rest."

Two cows are sitting in a tree knitting nuclear bombs. A sheep flies by.
One cow says to the other: "Things happen...".

A moment later: A huge bang, a scream, lots of smoke. One cow is completely charred.

The sheep asks: "What's wrong?"

The other cow says to the sheep: "She's dropped a stitch!"

A frog comes to the baker and says, "Ten rolls, you dumbass!"
"Insolence!" says the baker, but he sells him the buns.
The next day, the same thing: "10 buns, you dumbass!"
Gritting his teeth, the baker sells the frog the rolls.
The third day, the same thing: "Ten buns, you dumbass!"
The baker gets angry: "Say that again and I'll nail you to the wall!"
Another day later the frog comes again: "Do you have a hammer?"
"No, I don't."
"Do you have any nails?"
"No, I don't have any either."
"Then give me ten buns, you dumbass!"

There's a nasty French joke about Englishmen:

"England clearly belongs to France, why? - Englishmen are Frenchmen who couldn't swim."