Silly joke thread

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#2938682 6-Jul-2022 01:53

Annoying grandmother and mother-in-law (over-proud of the grandson and in almost squeaky pitch):
"Oh, the boy has graduated from high school and has such a high intelligence. I don't know where he gets it from!"

Dad (annoyed, but in a rather dry tone):
"Not from me, I still have mine."

Qui nihil scit, omnia credere debet.
Firewalls do NOT stop dragons.
In effect we have everything to hide from someone, and no idea who someone is.

MadEngineer

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#2939382 7-Jul-2022 20:11

Hah normally I respond with "Must have got them from his Mum" when people ask from where my son got his good looks. I think I'll swap this answer with the one from above

You're not on Atlantis anymore, Duncan Idaho.

Goosey

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#2939385 7-Jul-2022 20:22

so there was this cat and its owner.... the cats owner said to the cat, "Im gonna teach you english"....

The cat replied "Meehow"....

thank you....thank you very much.

gzt

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#2939393 7-Jul-2022 20:34

MadEngineer: Hah normally I respond with "Must have got them from his Mum" when people ask from where my son got his good looks. I think I'll swap this answer with the one from above

Don't come back here complaining about your divorce settlement then ; )

HelloThere

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#2941994 14-Jul-2022 20:08

Masks are like condoms. They may be only 99% effective but it's safer to use one than not use one.

Tinkerisk

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#2945520 23-Jul-2022 04:55

One evening, a farmer in Florida decided to go down to his pond because he hadn't been there for a while. He grabbed a big basket and set off. As he approached the pond, he heard a boisterous giggling. As he got even closer, he saw that a couple of young women were bathing naked in his pond. He alerted them to his presence and they all immediately darted into the deeper water to hide.

One of the women shouted at him, "We're not coming out until you leave."

The farmer replied, "I am not here to watch you young ladies skinny-dipping or to scare you out of the pond."

He held up the basket, grinned and said, "I'm here to feed the alligator."

Qui nihil scit, omnia credere debet.
Firewalls do NOT stop dragons.
In effect we have everything to hide from someone, and no idea who someone is.

Tinkerisk

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#2947546 28-Jul-2022 19:48

A city dweller goes duck hunting in the countryside. When he sees a duck, he takes aim and shoots. But the bird falls on a farmer's farm and he won't give up the prey.

"That's my bird," the city dweller insists on his right. The farmer suggests settling the dispute with a kick in the abdomen, as is customary in the countryside.

"Whoever shouts less gets the bird." The city dweller agrees.

The farmer lunges and lands a huge kick in the man's soft parts. He collapses and remains on the ground for 20 minutes. When he is able to get up again, he gasps,

"Okay, now it's my turn."

"Nah," the farmer says as he walks away. "Here, take the duck."

Qui nihil scit, omnia credere debet.
Firewalls do NOT stop dragons.
In effect we have everything to hide from someone, and no idea who someone is.

Tinkerisk

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#2947567 28-Jul-2022 20:27

„A cowboy asked me if I could help him round up 18 cows. I said, ‘Yes, of course. That’s then 20 cows’.“

Qui nihil scit, omnia credere debet.
Firewalls do NOT stop dragons.
In effect we have everything to hide from someone, and no idea who someone is.

Tinkerisk

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#2947568 28-Jul-2022 20:29

„I’ve got an Eton-themed Advent calendar, where all the doors are opened for me by my dad’s contacts.“

Qui nihil scit, omnia credere debet.
Firewalls do NOT stop dragons.
In effect we have everything to hide from someone, and no idea who someone is.

elpenguino

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#2947923 29-Jul-2022 14:41

Tinkerisk:

„I’ve got an Eton-themed Advent calendar, where all the doors are opened for me by my dad’s contacts.“

That's very good.

Now , for those people with a dog and a wife, you may be wondering which one loves you more. If you want to find out, lock both of them in the boot of the car for an hour - when you let them out, just look to see which one is more pleased to see you.

Easy.

Most of the posters in this thread are just like chimpanzees on MDMA, full of feelings of bonhomie, joy, and optimism. Fred99 8/4/21

Kookoo

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#2947926 29-Jul-2022 14:45

Tinkerisk:

A city dweller goes duck hunting in the countryside. When he sees a duck, he takes aim and shoots. But the bird falls on a farmer's farm and he won't give up the prey.

"That's my bird," the city dweller insists on his right. The farmer suggests settling the dispute with a kick in the abdomen, as is customary in the countryside.

"Whoever shouts less gets the bird." The city dweller agrees.

The farmer lunges and lands a huge kick in the man's soft parts. He collapses and remains on the ground for 20 minutes. When he is able to get up again, he gasps,

"Okay, now it's my turn."

"Nah," the farmer says as he walks away. "Here, take the duck."

The late great Buddy Hackett tells this joke to Johnny Carson

Hello, Ground!

Tinkerisk

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#2948059 29-Jul-2022 19:52

Kookoo:

Tinkerisk:

A city dweller goes duck hunting in the countryside. When he sees a duck, he takes aim and shoots. But the bird falls on a farmer's farm and he won't give up the prey.

"That's my bird," the city dweller insists on his right. The farmer suggests settling the dispute with a kick in the abdomen, as is customary in the countryside.

"Whoever shouts less gets the bird." The city dweller agrees.

The farmer lunges and lands a huge kick in the man's soft parts. He collapses and remains on the ground for 20 minutes. When he is able to get up again, he gasps,

"Okay, now it's my turn."

"Nah," the farmer says as he walks away. "Here, take the duck."

The late great Buddy Hackett tells this joke to Johnny Carson