One official to another: I don't know what people have against us, we're not doing anything!

Last winter, someone froze to death in a drive-in cinema. He wanted to see the film "Closed for the winter".

The sergeant to the recruits: "Men, you must always look the enemy firmly in the eye - Krause why are you staring at me?"

She: "You always disagree with me!"

He: "Luckily, otherwise we'd both be wrong."

Tinkerisk:

 

What is white and interferes with eating?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

An avalanche.

 

Boy oh boy that made me laugh. Thanks!

Bill Murray - 20 years ago we had Johnny Cash, Bob Hope and Steve Jobs. Now we have no Cash, no Hope and no Jobs. Please dont let Kevin Bacon die!

Fred Dagg - cooking

Kevin Lynch vs Rochdale pie man

One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial airliner are seated, waiting for the cockpit crew to show up so they can get under way.

The pilot and co-pilot finally appear in the rear of the plane, and begin walking up to the cockpit through the center aisle.
Both appear to be blind. The pilot is using a white cane, bumping into passengers right and left as he stumbles down the aisle,
and the co-pilot is using a guide dog. Both have their eyes covered with huge sunglasses.

At first the passengers don't react, thinking that it must be some sort of practical joke.
However, after a few minutes the engines start revving and the airplane starts moving.
The passengers look at each other with some uneasiness, whispering among themselves and looking desperately to the stewardesses for reassurance.
Then the airplane starts accelerating rapidly down the runway and people begin panicking.

Some passengers are praying, and as the plane gets closer and closer to the end of the runway, the voices are becoming more and more hysterical.

Finally, when the airplane has less than 20 feet of runway left, there is a sudden change in the pitch of the shouts as everyone screams at once,
and at the very last moment the airplane lifts off and is airborne. Up in the cockpit, the co-pilot breathes a sigh of relief and turns to the pilot:

"You know, one of these days the passengers aren't going to scream, and we're gonna be seriously screwed!"

decibel:

 

 

That was an old classic, using a pencil to wind the tape back on the reel 😄

artbloke:

 

That was an old classic, using a pencil to wind the tape back on the reel 😄

 

I remember pressing down on the pickup arm to keep it from skipping on my 78s.

Do you know how a blind skydiver realises that he is close to the ground?

The dog leash gets loose.

Stayed at the Hotel California recently, here's my review:

• Lighting; 7/10 a bit shimmery
• Reception area; personal greeting on arrival by receptionist, nice touch, although she did lead me to my room by candlelight, which was a bit weird 6/10
• Corridors; noisy and creepy 3/10
• Boys; (lots) pretty 8/10
• Dancing area; courtyard only. stinks of sweat. strange crowd 4/10
• Wine cellar; terrible. not stocked for over forty years 1/10
• Room; a bit pervy, what with the mirrors. they said they had no wine but when i got to my room there was a bottle of champagne waiting (pink(on ice)) 3/10
• Cutlery; blunt. 1/10
• Nightman; pleasant/robotic. 2/10
• Checkout; any time 10/10
• Exits;(0) 0/10

Overall a pleasant but weird hotel. not bad 6/10. I'm still here.

artbloke:

 

decibel:

 

 

 

That was an old classic, using a pencil to wind the tape back on the reel 😄

 

Yep. It was strangely satisfying winding the tape back in with a pencil!