Silly joke thread

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#3018818 9-Jan-2023 02:28

What does a pirate do on the computer?

Press the Enter key.

Qui nihil scit, omnia credere debet. - He who knows nothing must believe everything.
Firewalls do NOT stop dragons. Really not!
I avoid Big Tech. They try hard to dictate technology and „culture“ across borders.
In effect we have everything to hide from someone, and no idea who „someone“ is.

Tinkerisk

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#3018819 9-Jan-2023 02:29

What time is it when an elephant sits on the car?

Time for a new car.

Qui nihil scit, omnia credere debet. - He who knows nothing must believe everything.
Firewalls do NOT stop dragons. Really not!
I avoid Big Tech. They try hard to dictate technology and „culture“ across borders.
In effect we have everything to hide from someone, and no idea who „someone“ is.

Tinkerisk

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#3018820 9-Jan-2023 02:30

Optimist: "The glass is half full".

Pessimist: "The glass is half empty."

Mum: "Why is there no coaster?"

Qui nihil scit, omnia credere debet. - He who knows nothing must believe everything.
Firewalls do NOT stop dragons. Really not!
I avoid Big Tech. They try hard to dictate technology and „culture“ across borders.
In effect we have everything to hide from someone, and no idea who „someone“ is.

Tinkerisk

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#3018821 9-Jan-2023 02:31

I used to have a hard time deciding, but now I'm not so sure.

Qui nihil scit, omnia credere debet. - He who knows nothing must believe everything.
Firewalls do NOT stop dragons. Really not!
I avoid Big Tech. They try hard to dictate technology and „culture“ across borders.
In effect we have everything to hide from someone, and no idea who „someone“ is.

BarTender

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#3021416 15-Jan-2023 04:59

Was in the BP at 11pm on a Saturday night after and a cop was getting a pie from the pie warmer. I told him he needed to remember to blow on the pie.

He laughed.

I thought I was hilarious.

Yes I was sober as I was picking up my daughter, and he didn’t breathalyse me.

eracode

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#3021422 15-Jan-2023 07:10

BarTender: Was in the BP at 11pm on a Saturday night after and a cop was getting a pie from the pie warmer. I told him he needed to remember to blow on the pie.

He laughed.

I thought I was hilarious.

Yes I was sober as I was picking up my daughter, and he didn’t breathalyse me.

Do you think he understood the joke - or was he just being polite?

Sometimes I just sit and think. Other times I just sit.

elpenguino

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#3029487 30-Jan-2023 12:26

I watched the network news the other night and amongst other things, they covered the Auckland floods.

Later on , they announced the sports had been brought to us by BP.

After a moment, I realised BP was also bringing us the weather.

Most of the posters in this thread are just like chimpanzees on MDMA, full of feelings of bonhomie, joy, and optimism. Fred99 8/4/21

msukiwi

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#3031897 4-Feb-2023 19:34

A YT Joke.....stay to the end!

networkn

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#3031898 4-Feb-2023 19:42

Knock knock!
Who's there?
Boo
Boo who?
No need to cry it's just a knock knock joke.

Tinkerisk

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#3034870 11-Feb-2023 09:07

My musical knowledge is so poor I thought Kanye West was a railway station and Lana Del Rey a holiday destination. ;-)

Qui nihil scit, omnia credere debet. - He who knows nothing must believe everything.
Firewalls do NOT stop dragons. Really not!
I avoid Big Tech. They try hard to dictate technology and „culture“ across borders.
In effect we have everything to hide from someone, and no idea who „someone“ is.

Tinkerisk

4903 posts

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+1 received by user: 3821

#3034872 11-Feb-2023 09:09

Two Ukrainian fishes in a tank. One turns to the other and says: „Do you know how to drive this?“

Qui nihil scit, omnia credere debet. - He who knows nothing must believe everything.
Firewalls do NOT stop dragons. Really not!
I avoid Big Tech. They try hard to dictate technology and „culture“ across borders.
In effect we have everything to hide from someone, and no idea who „someone“ is.

Tinkerisk

4903 posts

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+1 received by user: 3821

#3034873 11-Feb-2023 09:10

How many Germans does it take to change a light bulb? – One. We are very efficient and this is not a joke.

Qui nihil scit, omnia credere debet. - He who knows nothing must believe everything.
Firewalls do NOT stop dragons. Really not!
I avoid Big Tech. They try hard to dictate technology and „culture“ across borders.
In effect we have everything to hide from someone, and no idea who „someone“ is.

Tinkerisk

4903 posts

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+1 received by user: 3821

#3034874 11-Feb-2023 09:13

My personal favorite: (because I’m a hunter)

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn’t seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, „My friend is dead! What can I do?“. The operator says „Calm down. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.“ There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says „OK, now what?“

Qui nihil scit, omnia credere debet. - He who knows nothing must believe everything.
Firewalls do NOT stop dragons. Really not!
I avoid Big Tech. They try hard to dictate technology and „culture“ across borders.
In effect we have everything to hide from someone, and no idea who „someone“ is.

Tinkerisk

4903 posts

Uber Geek
+1 received by user: 3821

#3034876 11-Feb-2023 09:16

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: „That’s the ugliest baby that I’ve ever seen. Ugh!“

The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: „The driver just insulted me!“

The man says: „You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I’ll hold your monkey for you.“

Qui nihil scit, omnia credere debet. - He who knows nothing must believe everything.
Firewalls do NOT stop dragons. Really not!
I avoid Big Tech. They try hard to dictate technology and „culture“ across borders.
In effect we have everything to hide from someone, and no idea who „someone“ is.

networkn

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#3034898 11-Feb-2023 10:10

Tinkerisk:

My personal favorite: (because I’m a hunter)

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn’t seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, „My friend is dead! What can I do?“. The operator says „Calm down. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.“ There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says „OK, now what?“

Yeah I love this one as well

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