Not tech related, new father post.

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toyonut

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#1483308 2-Feb-2016 10:16

Congrats, we are expecting number 2 in early to mid July. First one just turned 4 today.

There is already lots of good advise here so I won't add much to it. Just figure out what works for you as parents and your child, don't let anyone tell you that you are doing it wrong. Feel free to listen to advise, but it is your baby and your family, you will know best even if it doesn't feel like it. Also somewhat counter to the point I just made, accept help, genuine help is awesome to give you some time and breathing space if you need it. Don't feel bad if someone else holds or walks your baby while you go and get a coffee with your partner.

Enjoy it, it is a new and fun journey.

Try Vultr using this link and get us both some credit:

http://www.vultr.com/?ref=7033587-3B

networkn

Networkn
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#1483312 2-Feb-2016 10:21

Kiwifruta:
Have to agree on milestones, my 2 year old is more toilet trained than our 5 year old.
The 2 & 5 year old go higher on the swings and higher up hills on their bikes than their 7 year old brother.

They are all so different yet, all from the same parents and home.

Heh I was actually considering posting something separate and unrelated to this about how different my son 6 and daughter 3 are, and how challenging she can be compared to him :)

They are almost opposites but same home, same parents, we have worked hard and believe we are consistent with dealing with them and giving them similar attention.

joyoue

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#1483527 2-Feb-2016 13:31

Firstly, Congratulations!

So much advice on here and all agree on one thing. Everything. Will. Change. Roll with it, otherwise you will go nuts.

Don't forget to enjoy the whole journey though, it's amazing.

Well, it's supposed to be technology!

pctek

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#1483632 2-Feb-2016 15:11

You can't prepare.

Remember the child will be her own person, not a little you or a little your wife.

Some things you'll like about that, some things you'll hate.

Remember how animals do it, nurture and care for the child when small and she needs it, tell her off when she needs it - she's just another human, not a goddess who can do no wrong, then let her go make her own mistakes when she is old enough to do so.

Because she will anyway, regardless of what you do.

Then get your revenge with the grandkids....LOL. They're more fun.

jonathan18

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#1483727 2-Feb-2016 16:37

Looking at our two kids, I have some sense of raising the first of these as being a testing ground for raising the second! And the biggest mistake we made with the first was in regards to sleep. Based on our experience, I think it's critical to ensure kids develop healthy sleeping habits, and have the ability to get themselves to sleep without too much intervention. We tried a fairly "attached" parenting style with the first, which led to us doing crazy stuff like getting him to sleep including pushing him around the park in a pram or driving around the city. In the end we had to go cold turkey, essentially letting him cry himself to sleep for a few nights. Painful but worth it for all concerned, including him. We took a far more hands-off approach to sleep with our second, and all of us reaped the rewards of this.

In regards to parenting books - these can be helpful, especially if you find one that generally matches your ethos/approach. For what it's worth, the one I found the most useful was "Your Baby and Child" by Penelope Leach.

In my experience, there were tensions between me and my MIL, so I'd suggest if your partner's mother is to be involved in the birth and/or afterwards you've thought through how you'll manage this. (And this can sometimes come down to cultural differences, as it was in our case - ie different expectations of child-rearing).

Good luck! I think parenting has provided the most frustrating/worrying experiences in my life thus far, but also the most rewarding.

hashbrown

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#1484017 3-Feb-2016 07:14

Is this geekzone or the huggies forums?
Suggestions for geeking this topic up.

- Baby monitors and wifi performance - What to expect.
- Which breastpump motors can I drive over rated voltage?
- Buggy modding.
- Is 6 months too young for her first raspberry Pi?

Lego

Shop now for Lego sets and other gifts (affiliate link).

Jaxson

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#1484140 3-Feb-2016 09:17

I find it interesting to see how parenting has changed over the years. With the advent of electronics, the internet, Mum's maintaining careers after having kids etc, the world really has changed a lot society wise and information wise.

Jonathan mentions the mother in law above, and this is quite a valid point. Not necessarily specifically the mother in law, but all parents from older generations will bring their experiences and thoughts to the table, despite it being 25 + years since they last raised children themselves. If you drag out your own plunked book you may be surprised at what it contains, and from not that long ago. My wife's book contained instructions to 'Sun the baby for an hour ever day', which if applied today would risk putting the child on tenderbake, cooking away and you might as well add some rosemary and olive oil too...

Everyone has opinions and advise, but also expectations of what you're going to do, which can often lead to surprise and conflict when you don't act the way they have assumed you will. New parents shouldn't have to deal with this crap, but invariably will do. Clearly identifying what you would like help with can be a good start, and potentially being very clear about what decisions/activities are mother dad and child only, and what are up for wider input from others. Enthusiasm is all good, but it needs to be directed to ensure it's of direct help to you.

Dads are now far more involved, if they want to be, and I like that. Once upon a time, ie only 30-50 years ago, the mother was taken away to have the child on her own, and then spent two weeks in a recovery location where the father could visit. Plunket nurses were around all the time and doctors delivered babies. Nowadays it's quite different, and you are already far more clued up on how it works now than parents or grand parents are, however much they don't realise that. Expect conversations about why isn't the plunked nurse coming in today? and Why did you leave hospital so early etc? Times change.

There's a common theme here really. When you become a parent, you're immediately put in a leadership role. Don't be afraid to lay down how you want things to be. Some things are no brainers (medical requirements etc), but a lot of parenting is personal choice, doing things as you want them done in your family. You don't have to justify all your actions to others. Much of this discussion is around establishing a strong relationship foundation for the parents.

Old wives tales don't have to be followed, and many are just plain obvious, or nowadays proven wrong. You don't see people walking in circles and think oh he was clearly formula fed as a child. When you are 20 years old, it matters not when learnt to ride a bike, walk, crawl, tie your own laces, stop needing nappies etc. One thing I really remember is that we're all different, what works for one may not work for another, and many things are simply not as important as we may feel they are at the time. We had some quite man hater type plunket nurses, who proceeded to tell us everything we were doing wrong, and that came as a shock to both myself and my wife. By contrast our midwife was awesome, and included me a lot, which made my wife quite happy also. There's very much a mix of the old and new guard out there in the profession.

I fully agree on the sleeping thing by the way. We kept our cot's/bassinets quite free from dangling and stimulating mobiles etc. The bed is a place to sleep.

lol, what a novel!

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