Corporatespeke

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mattwnz

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#621663 8-May-2012 14:30

It is the same with job titles, they changed most of them to make the job sound much more important than it actaully is. Everyone now seem to be a consultant because of this, and instead of using just one word, a jobs title may consist of several. Secretary became Administrative Assistant/Consultant etc

xpd

Geek @ Coastguard NZ
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#621666 8-May-2012 14:30

Heres a dictionary....

http://www.learnings.org/

No-brainer
The idea that something should be completely and utterly obvious
As in...
I just pooped my pants. I was looking around and didn't see any restrooms so I figured it was a no-brainer.

Gavin / xpd / FastRaccoon / Geek of Coastguard New Zealand

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crackrdbycracku

1168 posts

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#621676 8-May-2012 14:42

I would like to cover off on a few of the issues raised as we move forward in our dialog around different modes of communication in the workplace and corporate space.

As we move further into a post-angloliguistic paradigm into an emphasis on non-cognitive face-time we should incorporate learnings form our Afro-American co-humans who notably caused disruption by appropriating neo-linguistic forms for unintended purposes and thereby 'took the power back'.

So, to close this conversation I quote the noted scholar Flava Flave by stating, for the record, that "You are all my ni**ers" .

[Just so we are clear I am not a racist, I'm trying to be funny. If you need me to translate I can]

Didn't anybody tell you I was a hacker?

stevenz

2802 posts

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#621688 8-May-2012 14:49

A fine example of authentic frontier gibberish if ever I've read one. Nice work.

@KnightNZ

BlueShift

1692 posts

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#622113 9-May-2012 10:46

For a corporatespeke masterclass, check the Symantec press release on the main page:

a partner ecosystem that helps facilitate integrated solutions

theEd

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#622702 10-May-2012 09:37

Most of our customers are small I.T. guys, but when the big corporate customers call I feel like they're trying to take charge of the conversation by using the biggest words possible.

We're a bunch of geeks in t-shirts and jeans... we are immune to buzzwords

cisconz

cisconz
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#622771 10-May-2012 11:18

Job title of one of my clients - Smooth Operator - This is the equivelant of a COO.
Another Client - General Busybody and chief crayon lady

Hmmmm

Sharesies

Trade NZ and US shares and funds with Sharesies (affiliate link).

CapBBeard

211 posts

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#622856 10-May-2012 13:24

I have to agree on "space", it is thrown around so much now.

I had to laugh the other day, walking past one of those Z service stations that replaced Shell. They have a huge sign advertising that they have a "Forecourt Concierge" from 10am-5pm everyday.

Forecourt Concierge? As far as I can tell, thats the guy that can fill your tank, wipe your windshield and whatnot.. something that was standard practice for a "service" station not that long ago!

jim.cox

224 posts

Master Geek

#622866 10-May-2012 13:42

Want some good examples of this taken to the max ?

Robert X. Cringely has recently done an excellent set of blogs about IBM which you can find at

< http://www.cringely.com/ >

I find the comments from all the IBM staff really interesting - as well as agreeing with Bob, their comments are full of IBM acronyms and phrases, for example 'Resource Allocated' & 'PBC', which would mean nothing to a non-IBMer

That place seems to be full of "CorpSpeak"

=mjc=
.

stevenz

2802 posts

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#623051 10-May-2012 17:47

CapBBeard: I have to agree on "space", it is thrown around so much now.

I had to laugh the other day, walking past one of those Z service stations that replaced Shell. They have a huge sign advertising that they have a "Forecourt Concierge" from 10am-5pm everyday.

Forecourt Concierge? As far as I can tell, thats the guy that can fill your tank, wipe your windshield and whatnot.. something that was standard practice for a "service" station not that long ago!

You mean a petroleum delivery technician?

@KnightNZ

cisconz

cisconz
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#623103 10-May-2012 18:40

stevenz:
CapBBeard: I have to agree on "space", it is thrown around so much now.

I had to laugh the other day, walking past one of those Z service stations that replaced Shell. They have a huge sign advertising that they have a "Forecourt Concierge" from 10am-5pm everyday.

Forecourt Concierge? As far as I can tell, thats the guy that can fill your tank, wipe your windshield and whatnot.. something that was standard practice for a "service" station not that long ago!

You mean a petroleum delivery technician?

Or a Fuel Transfer Technician

Hmmmm

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