AMERICANS SHOCKED  BY AUDIOTAPE THAT APPEARS TO PROVE TRUMP CAN READ

UNITED STATES OF AMERICA (The Borowitz Report)—Americans are expressing astonishment and disbelief after the release of an audiotape that seems to prove that Donald J. Trump is capable of reading.

On the tape, in which Trump is showing associates a series of classified documents, the former President seems to demonstrate reading comprehension, albeit at a rudimentary level, decoding letters and combining them to form words and sentences.

This implausible performance dumbfounded many Americans, like Carol Foyler, who resides in Akron, Ohio. “This defies everything I thought I knew about Donald Trump,” she said. “If he can read, what else is he capable of?”

But Harland Dorrinson, who lives in Nashua, New Hampshire, had a more cautious reaction. “Let’s not rush to judgment,” he said. “Any tape of Trump being able to read could be fake news.”