It's been two days of the exact same email. Like an automated robot response. We asked as simply as possible for them to send out a chorus team to check the fault.

"Thanks for contacting us, sorry to hear that you're having problems with your speeds.

It is very important to do the following isolation test, as it will help us to find out what is causing your slow speeds.

Could you please try removing all other devices from your line such as phones, faxes, DSL filters, Sky decoders, monitored alarms, extension cables, etc, and seeing if you're then able to see improvements on the speeds?

Could you also please try connecting your modem at different jack points around the house to see if you're able to connect? Please be sure to leave all other devices disconnected.

If you're still unable to connect at different jack points around the house, is it possible for you to try and connect with a different modem, as well as a different cable between the modem and the jack point? And see if it helps to improve the speeds.

It's important that you go through the above steps and let us know whether they help, as it'll help us work out where the problem lies.

Can I also ask you to plug your computer to your modem with an ethernet cable, turn the wifi off and run a speed test on https://www.speedtest.net/ selecting Auckland hosted by Spark as your server and then share the results with us? Please make sure that this test is done by a wired connection and that there isn't something uploading in your internal network when trying to connect. I'd recommend investigating and checking to see if something like torrents, Dropbox or Google Drive is uploading in the background.

Please reply letting us know how you get on. We look forward to hearing from you soon"

I have this email, times three in my responses. From the same support rep.