INDIAN SCAMMERS' NEW SCARE TACTICS:

At 9:30 this morning I received a call on my home phone from a guy purporting to be calling from 'Spark Telecom'.

As well as my phone number, he also had my residential address, so it's clear that these space-wasting parasites have NZ telephone books.

He told me that my broadband would be out of action for 15 days because some guy named 'Jim Spangler' (LOL) in Wellington had been using my broadband overnight.

However, he continued, I didn't need to worry, because 'Spark Telecom' would be able to fix this for me.

Being an IT guy who's fielded many of these calls, I get a kick from wasting these idiots' time, so I strung him along.

His intention was obviously to access my computer, after which he'd tell me I had jllions of bugs which I would have to pay them to get rid of.

Usual story.

I managed to keep him on the line for almost four minutes (he must be new to the game) by responding with comments like 'Oh, dear' and 'That's terrible' and 'How will I manage without the internet' etc.

However, when he finally got to the real purpose of his call - accessing my computer - he asked me if I had a laptop, computer or tablet.

I replied that I wasn't sure. He repeated the question. I answered hesitantly that I thought I might have a tablet. This seemed to throw him. He asked again. 'You mean, you don't have a computer or a laptop?'

'No. Only a tablet. One of those Anneroid thingys.'

Click. Rude chap. Not even a 'Goodbye and thanks for your time.'

The point of my post: If you really want to screw with these fools, the very worst thing you can do to them is waste their time.

So, use your imagaination. See if you can beat my four minutes :-)