What is something that really affects you?

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#2758144 10-Aug-2021 19:01

Fred99:

Maybe part of the problem with the mental health system is that "mental health issues" covers such a wide spectrum, several different specialities, GP, psychiatrist, psychologist, nurses, counsellors, social workers, etc, there's a wide range of opinions and generalisations about treatments, sufferers often tend to not seek help for several reasons, specific diagnosis is difficult - so claims made about what's actually going on are arguable - especially so when there's a lack of resources including funding.

If there's an epidemic of mental health issues, I doubt there's some causative factor that's unique to NZ. Seems to be a "western" thing with many possible contributing factors - "the way we live our lives these days". (OTOH in many cases it's almost purely random - with no significant correlation to anything}

Back in the day, before my day, my Nana used to say stuff. Later on, life was still quite simple, so family ties stayed tied. These days there are devices and super cheap fast cars (refer Timaru tragedy) and that cyclist gal from Olympics 2016 who took her life (I assume) due to pressure. Life now is so much more complicated and the expectations that go with it. Im not sure what the answer is but Im close to one that suffered the ultimate fate, and more than one who are in that category. I just don't know.

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#2758149 10-Aug-2021 19:19

My own ongoing battles with mental health. Some days it's a struggle to get out of bed but I do it because I want to set the best example I can for my kids. I also look at other people's struggles and think that my issues must pale in comparison to the loss some people (including close friends and family) have experienced.

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#2758150 10-Aug-2021 19:22

maoriboy: My own ongoing battles with mental health. Some days it's a struggle to get out of bed but I do it because I want to set the best example I can for my kids. I also look at other people's struggles and think that my issues must pale in comparison to the loss some people (including close friends and family) have experienced.

There will always be people worse off than you, but that doesn't make what you are going through invalid.

For what it's worth, I admire your effort to set a good example for your kids. Don't forget it's OK for them to know you aren't strong all the time too.

tdgeek

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#2758163 10-Aug-2021 19:40

maoriboy: My own ongoing battles with mental health. Some days it's a struggle to get out of bed but I do it because I want to set the best example I can for my kids. I also look at other people's struggles and think that my issues must pale in comparison to the loss some people (including close friends and family) have experienced.

Well done you. Awesome.

Rikkitic

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#2758180 10-Aug-2021 20:11

tdgeek:

Back in the day, before my day, my Nana used to say stuff. Later on, life was still quite simple, so family ties stayed tied. These days there are devices and super cheap fast cars (refer Timaru tragedy) and that cyclist gal from Olympics 2016 who took her life (I assume) due to pressure. Life now is so much more complicated and the expectations that go with it. Im not sure what the answer is but Im close to one that suffered the ultimate fate, and more than one who are in that category. I just don't know.

So much to respond to here. I have also had loss, but don't feel comfortable announcing it all over the Internet. Apart from that, I was upset by the death of that 'cyclist gal'. From the news items, it is overwhelmingly obvious that she committed suicide. But it gets danced around in the reports. I don't know if it has to do with legal liability, but the mealy-mouthed inability to even use the word just comes across as so craven and hypocritical. How the hell are we supposed to do anything about suicide if our media can't even bring themselves to speak the word? If I was inclined that way, this in itself might be enough to push me over the edge. It is utterly pathetic. The girl killed herself. Let's deal with that and try to do something real to help save the next girl. I really hate this effing preciousness about something that would simply be stated as fact in any other media in the world.

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#2758181 10-Aug-2021 20:11

maoriboy: My own ongoing battles with mental health. Some days it's a struggle to get out of bed but I do it because I want to set the best example I can for my kids.

They'll be okay - and so will you.

My childhood was (by some people's standards I guess) a bit of a wild ride, my mother was schizophrenic, hospitalised and "away" in hospital many times with acute episodes all through my childhood and teenage years. But most of the time she was great - and life was never boring, that's for sure. I could (and probably should) write a book about it. There could even be some funny parts. I've been very open about it since I understood and accepted it. But I don't have a "reference point" to compare "how it would have been otherwise", It was what it was - and I saw far worse from so-called "normal" families. The good far outweighed the bad when I look back. My father was a hero, most family friends and relatives always supportive, those who weren't were and still are easy to forget. She had a great life, as a musician, a teacher, and made many true friends over her life. We kids are all doing okay - just getting old now.

Edit: deleted an ambiguous comment that's not important

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#2758182 10-Aug-2021 20:14

networkn:

There will always be people worse off than you, but that doesn't make what you are going through invalid.

For what it's worth, I admire your effort to set a good example for your kids. Don't forget it's OK for them to know you aren't strong all the time too.

I wish I could give this post more than one +1!

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#2758203 10-Aug-2021 20:55

Rikkitic:

Let's deal with that and try to do something real to help save the next girl. I really hate this effing preciousness about something that would simply be stated as fact in any other media in the world.

I truly don't know and find it hard to form an opinion.

One of my son's mates committed suicide about 4 years ago. I really liked the guy, was 23, from a loving Maori family, played the trumpet (err.. and technical death metal in a band). He used to come up to our place and jam, loved the acoustics for playing trumpet in our bathroom, was doing well studying, the future was bright. And he had a great support group of friends / peers who loved him.

A few days before he came to ours to jam with my son and catch up, in hindsight I could perhaps tell that he "wasn't quite himself".

A few days later he climbed to the top of a parking building in Chch CBD and jumped. We were at a gig where our son was playing. (I don't care - there's always a few old fogies at young people gigs - including other parents of performers - and what the hell else are we going to do on a Friday night?)

Our son got a text message that he was the guy in the news who'd jumped and was still alive but not going to make it. At the funeral, nobody could understand "why?". We'll never know.

...

There was a movie called "The Bridge".

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Bridge_(2006_documentary_film)

From the wiki article:

In 2015, the New Zealand Film and Video Labeling Body requested Netflix to remove the documentary from its streaming service for being classified as "objectionable". Netflix complied with their request and removed the documentary from their library.[19] New Zealand has the highest rate of youth suicides in the OECD.[20]

When I watched the movie, all I could see was that it was the powerful lesson from a rare survivor Ken Baldwin explaining, "I instantly realized that everything in my life that I'd thought was unfixable was totally fixable—except for having just jumped."

Then just now the opposite - a comment from a friend of a victim on that wiki page:

Why he chose the bridge? I don't know… Maybe he just wanted to fly one time.

networkn

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#2758620 11-Aug-2021 14:44

My kids are on a flight to Queenstown with no parents onboard, and I am extremely anxious about it. Watching their flight on Flightaware.

Despite having been on *hundreds* of flights in my lifetime, I still suffer horrible anxiety!

Handsomedan

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#2758669 11-Aug-2021 16:27

I was affected positively this weekend - went mountain biking with my kids at a downhill park and had a blast.

This time last year, my youngest hadn't even ridden a mountain bike in the forest - now he's doing lift-access downhilling and jumping double-blacks!

As for my eldest...he's just blown me away with his speed and ability. Left us both in his wake as we all shot off down a black trail, only to find him at the bottom waiting with a big grin on his face.

Not only were they awesome there, but it was a bit a boys' weekend and mum stayed at home with the dog. The kids were awesome. Great fun and reminded me why I became a dad in the first place.

The only reason we went way was because I am so stressed at work that I needed a couple of days off and this seemed as good a plan as any. I thin if we hadn't gone away, I may well have blown a valve at some point this week.

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#2758674 11-Aug-2021 16:32

My kids are safe on terra firma and off to the ski field! I am going to try and focus on enjoying my week of enforced kid-free time.

networkn

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#2758682 11-Aug-2021 16:49

https://www.stuff.co.nz/national/126032804/choosing-forgiveness-over-anger-parents-compassion-for-driver-who-killed-their-son

I recall this, I was 200m from this intersection when it happened, though I didn't see anything other than all the sirens and emergency vehicles. What amazing people the parents of this child are to be able to forgive this driver. Even though I hope I never have to experience something, and I know that it's an amazing thing they did, I am not sure I have the capacity for that amount of forgiveness. They have likely made an unbelievable difference to this young mans life.

It blows my mind, as did some of families of the people involved in the Mosque shootings who publically forgave it for his terrible acts.

We can be quite an amazing species sometimes.

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#2759057 12-Aug-2021 14:21

What do you mean?

A train cancellation could affect me. I don't understand the question.

Rikkitic

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#2759061 12-Aug-2021 14:29

Geektastic: What do you mean?

A train cancellation could affect me. I don't understand the question.

Are you asking me? Everyone else who has posted here seems to get it. If a train cancellation left you in weeping despair, or joyous exaltation, I guess it might qualify.

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#2759445 13-Aug-2021 00:08

Rikkitic:
Geektastic: What do you mean?

A train cancellation could affect me. I don't understand the question.

Are you asking me? Everyone else who has posted here seems to get it. If a train cancellation left you in weeping despair, or joyous exaltation, I guess it might qualify.

The question you posed in no way suggested that the answer was necessarily in the vein of what was posted in response. All manner of things affect people every day. There's no particular reason to assume the question means what you have expanded it to mean.

On the basis of your expanded version, I would say almost nothing engenders that strong a reaction

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