We could probably just automate the generation of headlines for them (actually I suspect they may have done this already?). Just roll three 6-sided dice:

First one:

 

1. You'll be shocked
2. You'll be amazed
3. This can't be true
4. Shocking!
5. What you need to know
6. You won't believe

Second one:

 

1. which celebrity
2. which Cabinet minister
3. what beauticians
4. that Kate Middleton
5. how many average kiwis
6. whos pet monkey

Third One:

 

1. peed in the punch at John Key's birthday
2. broke Oprah's heart
3. was in Michael Jackson's guest room before he died
4. lost weight by eating this miracle food
5. reads at a third-grade level
6. ate only MacDonald's food for a whole month

Thanks to this tool, I fully expect Stuff to offer me journalist's job tomorrow!