Child free by choice or otherwise

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#1986651 1-Apr-2018 07:50

The choice was made for us, when my wife and I were thinking about it she got sick and now she can no longer conceive, we did think about a surrogate but due to he medications harvesting eggs are not possible.

With so few adoptions in NZ we decided not to try that either ( which was a blessing in disguise as my wife got really sick and we struggled to look after ourselves let alone anyone else )

Interestingly we have several friends that have tried and failed to conceive, they at least went down to road of IVF and had several miscarriages along the way.

I do get asked a lot about why we dont have kids and that does not bother me, what hurts is when someones says oh have you thought about adoption or fostering ( yes we have and we dont like the rules about that ), the other thing that hurts is when my mother talks about her friends having grandkids and great grand kids and she is so disappointed that she doesn't have any to spoil or brag about, to make matters worse my sister has no kids either ( I dont know if it is by choice but she is not a nice person and could never keep a guy ) and we are the last of the line of our family tree.

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DarthKermit

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#1986656 1-Apr-2018 08:13

Speaking personally, I couldn't care less if either of my parents are disappointed they'll never be grandparents.

As far as infertility goes, I think stats show something like 10% of the population will have some medical issues with that. IVF has quite a low success rate also.

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#1986658 1-Apr-2018 08:17

We've got a couple of girls and it's awesome (and expensive, tiring, frustrating etc).

It was the right choice for us to have kids. If someone else decides that kids don't work for them I totally respect that - it's a much better choice than having kids and not being committed to being a parent.

I get really grumpy about people judging each others lives. If you don't have kids/do have kids/are gay etc and it makes you content that's great. Don't get on your high horse because my life is different to yours.

cruxis

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#1986667 1-Apr-2018 08:34

Got to thinking if you changed your mind. Does new zealand have a baby moses law?

Rikkitic

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#1986668 1-Apr-2018 08:40

cruxis:

Got to thinking if you changed your mind. Does new zealand have a baby moses law?

What is that, you put the kid in a basket and chuck it into the river?

Plesse igmore amd axxept applogies in adbance fir anu typos

billgates

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#1986669 1-Apr-2018 08:59

We lost our first baby few months ago to stillborn birth at full 9 months. Everyday feels like that it was a cruel joke.

Do whatever you want to do man.

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CutCutCut

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#1986670 1-Apr-2018 09:03

billgates: We lost our first baby few months ago to stillborn birth at full 9 months. Everyday feels like that it was a cruel joke.

Oh deepest condolences, I can only imagine how horrific that must be.

SJB

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#1986675 1-Apr-2018 09:50

None by choice for 2 main reasons.

1. They are not as cute as puppies.

2. You can't shut them in the kitchen with a bone and go out for the evening.

lNomNoml

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#1986676 1-Apr-2018 09:59

Not in a position to afford it at the moment would like to get a house first then would look into this, problem is I live in Auckland so getting a house on our salaries isn't easy. I'm 27 so the time is ticking until it will just be too late really. Also I can't really look after myself let alone a child :D

mudguard

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#1986677 1-Apr-2018 10:01

lNomNoml:
Not in a position to afford it at the moment would like to get a house first then would look into this, problem is I live in Auckland so getting a house on our salaries isn't easy. I'm 27 so the time is ticking until it will just be too late really. Also I can't really look after myself let alone a child :D

I think this will become a really difficult choice. Buy a home in Auckland, or have kids.

networkn

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#1986685 1-Apr-2018 10:58

ZollyMonsta: My wife and I struggled for 9 years (she wanted kids, I wasn’t worried either way). After 9 years and four IVF cycles (the latter being successful in Australia) Oliver turns 1 on May 12th. At 45 It still feels weird being a first time Dad and we are so terribly tired from lack of sleep, Lolz. But he’s a cool little dude.

I am genuinely and honestly so happy for you and the result of what much have been a very challenging situation. My sister tried for 6 years and then managed to get pregnant on the first try which was awesome since they didn't have resources for a second.

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networkn

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#1986686 1-Apr-2018 11:00

billgates: We lost our first baby few months ago to stillborn birth at full 9 months. Everyday feels like that it was a cruel joke.

I am so very sorry.

networkn

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#1986689 1-Apr-2018 11:04

sdav:

I knew I wanted a kid/s but often thought about waiting for the "right time". I then realised there's no right time... My main driver was not wanting to be too old so I can throw a ball, run around etc. A child is both the most amazing and most stressful thing in the world!

I know some people much older than me that never had children. It's not really a topic that comes up but I get the impression it's by choice, however, you get to a point where that choice is taken from you anyway.

My grandfather only gave me two bits of advice/wisdom ever.

1) Kids are the best thing, and the worst thing in the world. Sometimes 10 seconds apart. (He gave me that chestnut when I was about 10 years old, and I find it's truth 2-3 times a week!)

2) Don't say something to your kids unless you are 100% committed to it. That includes picking a fight on something they are doing you don't want them to.