Mental health and COVID-19.

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#2541352 14-Aug-2020 21:18

networkn:

Wow 2020 just keeps getting better and better. The last 3 weeks my wife has been sick, this week my son has been in and out of Starship (doesn't look too serious, but initially looked like surgery may be required) and today, after days of little to no sleep, my wife has taken our much loved 16 year cat to be put down.

If it's not clear enough how I feel by now, 2020 can seriously, really, utterly, massively and truly F right off.

That is an annus horribilis for sure.

I'd love to say that 2021 will be better, but at least with the non-personal aspects, I am not so sure it will be.

It reminds me of the 97 UK election when that a...hat Blair got in. Their campaign track was "Things can only get better". Yeah, right.

networkn

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#2541462 15-Aug-2020 10:08

It was quite sad this morning only pouring one bowl of food for our remaining cat (sweep), and it looking around as the other cat (sooty) always ate first. Both kids were up about 3 times last night upset etc...

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#2541467 15-Aug-2020 10:26

networkn:

It was quite sad this morning only pouring one bowl of food for our remaining cat (sweep), and it looking around as the other cat (sooty) always ate first. Both kids were up about 3 times last night upset etc...

16 years is a long time to then lose a friend, but also a long and happy innings for Sooty. We are currently fostering a one year old black long hair cat from the SPCA. A bundle of bottled energy, dead keen to get outside this morning which we can't allow. It must be hard for him as he was a outside stray before SPCA got him. Not sure yet if we will adopt as we have prolific bird life around our house and he's definitely got the hunter genes.

networkn

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#2541470 15-Aug-2020 10:34

dafman:

networkn:

It was quite sad this morning only pouring one bowl of food for our remaining cat (sweep), and it looking around as the other cat (sooty) always ate first. Both kids were up about 3 times last night upset etc...

16 years is a long time to then lose a friend, but also a long and happy innings for Sooty. We are currently fostering a one year old black long hair cat from the SPCA. A bundle of bottled energy, dead keen to get outside this morning which we can't allow. It must be hard for him as he was a outside stray before SPCA got him. Not sure yet if we will adopt as we have prolific bird life around our house and he's definitely got the hunter genes.

Yeah, at the end of the day, lives end, I know, and my kids are starting to work it out, though some of the questions I am getting from the kids in the past few hours have been tough, and they have already been through their fearful of death thing.

The cats are a part of my wife's calming process and I am a little worried about her. I wanted a couple of years pet free, as they are a lot of responsibility. I'll probably never get a dog again as much as I have *loved* Thunder and how awesome he has been, just because it's a lot of work, and when I am busy I spend a lot of my time guilty over him not getting enough attention.. But I think my wife may "need" some cats in the house and it will be nice to have kittens again, especially, with my kids old enough now to enjoy them as well. It's a hard conversation to have right now, but one I was keenly aware of watching my second cat look around for his brother.

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#2541475 15-Aug-2020 10:46

networkn:

It was quite sad this morning only pouring one bowl of food for our remaining cat (sweep), and it looking around as the other cat (sooty) always ate first. Both kids were up about 3 times last night upset etc...

I feel exactly what you do and am so sorry for you. We also lost our beloved cat Boots (named for Puss 'n Boots) and I know precisely what you are feeling. I also know nothing I can say would make it any better. Boots was a full and much-loved member of our family and I have no doubt Sooty was an equally full part of yours. The tragedy for Boots was that he became incurably ill and died much too young, before he was even seven. I had to have him put down to spare him further suffering. That was after spending $1500 at Massey in a desperate effort to save him. He died in my arms.

One thing that actually helped me (after many months and many tears) was putting together a DVD tribute to him for family and close friends. If you have photos and video clips of Sooty, something like this (even a scrapbook album) might also help your children when the moment is right.

Plesse igmore amd axxept applogies in adbance fir anu typos

alasta

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#2541543 15-Aug-2020 12:52

networkn:

The cats are a part of my wife's calming process and I am a little worried about her. I wanted a couple of years pet free, as they are a lot of responsibility. I'll probably never get a dog again as much as I have *loved* Thunder and how awesome he has been, just because it's a lot of work, and when I am busy I spend a lot of my time guilty over him not getting enough attention.. But I think my wife may "need" some cats in the house and it will be nice to have kittens again, especially, with my kids old enough now to enjoy them as well. It's a hard conversation to have right now, but one I was keenly aware of watching my second cat look around for his brother.

I don't have pets myself because they don't currently fit into my lifestyle but over recent months I have spent a lot of time with my friend's pets and the therapeutic benefit is enormous at times of stress.

I'm sorry to hear you have so many things going wrong for you at the moment. Unfortunately I find that a collection of problems is often worse than the sum of its parts.

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networkn

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#2541545 15-Aug-2020 13:04

alasta:

I don't have pets myself because they don't currently fit into my lifestyle but over recent months I have spent a lot of time with my friend's pets and the therapeutic benefit is enormous at times of stress.

I'm sorry to hear you have so many things going wrong for you at the moment. Unfortunately I find that a collection of problems is often worse than the sum of its parts.

Thanks. At the end of the day we are still crazy fortunate, and we are under no illusions about it. The loss of Sooty wasn't unexpected, I mean, 16 years, pretty good innings, and he had been going downhill for a while, but just the timing of it was a little jarring. It's never easy losing a pet, but certainly *when* it happens, can magnify the impact. Our other cat is the same age and is in better condition. I had been looking forward to a trip to Queenstown I won (yes, fortunate for sure), but that now looks to have been scuppered. The plus side is not having to try and find a house/pet sitter for the 11 days we were away and Thunder is definately getting worse now, so the timing could have been quite inopportune.

Our vet was pretty kind, he allowed my wife, who is definately the most attached to the cats, to attend in person. We have full PPE as a result of my wifes job, and it meant she could be there at the end.

I feel strangely detached from the situation right now, probably because I am the only one not sick in our house, and there are lots of things to be organized and arranged for day to day smooth running of the household.

Our two cats couldn't have been more different. Sooty was calm, would let anyone pet him, cuddly and loving and pretty sweet. Sweep had an event when he was younger, and became really jumpy, and you have to be cautious approaching him. He loves a cuddle, but entirely on his own terms, and the kids tend to keep their distance as he can be a bit unpredictable, esp if he gets a fright, which seems to be pretty often. Highly strung is how I'd explain it. Sweep unfortunately is a whiner, which as someone who finds that actively jarring can be unpleasant.

kingdragonfly

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#2541589 15-Aug-2020 13:10

Managing stress and anxiety during COVID-19 pandemic

Mayo Clinic Q&A podcast

The COVID-19 pandemic has forced changes to daily life, and disrupted normal routines at work, at school, and at home. Physical isolation can negatively affect on mental health, and constant news coverage can bring fear and anxiety about the disease. How can you best cope in these uncertain times?

On the Mayo Clinic Q&A podcast, Dr. Craig Sawchuk, chair of the Division of Integrated Behavioral Health at Mayo Clinic, shares helpful tips and strategies on managing stress and anxiety during the pandemic.

kingdragonfly

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#2541590 15-Aug-2020 13:12

Practical Steps to Ease Stress and Anxiety During COVID-19

Susan Albers, PsyD

Cleveland Clinic

kiwiharry

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#2541604 15-Aug-2020 13:45

My mental health has been tested this year and been pushed to the edge today.

Started with my heart attack in April during the level 4 lockdown. I then faced a restructure and job disestablishment when I did return to work.

Last week I got a bit of a sore throat, but more concerning was earlier this week I had the sudden inability to lift my legs higher than about 15-20cm without pain. Saw a doc and had Covid swab. Leg issue put down to potential viral side effect. Legs/muscles been getting worse and this morning went back to doc as I couldn't even dress myself this morning. Getting into bed or the car is also a mission. He arranged for blood test and xrays. Covid result came back yesterday as negative.

Went to Labtest for the blood test and was honest and told them I still had a sore throat. Even though I was masked, I was kicked out and told they can't do a blood test and to come back when I'm symptom free. Despite negative Covid test and supporting documentation, they still refused. Signs on front door only mentioned not to enter if you have cough, fever or runny nose. Don't have any of those.

There are certain medical services that people rely on and blood tests is one of them. We don't choose when we get sick. I almost broke down in the carpark as I'm quite concerned about my legs/muscle issue. I don't want to wait another 4 or 5 days to start the investigation process.

Wife has now brought me to hospital.

If you can't laugh at yourself then you probably shouldn't laugh at others.

neb

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#2541654 15-Aug-2020 14:08

neb: (Disclaimer: Mrs.Neb is the psychologist, not me, so treat the above as second-hand advice).

Had a chat with Mrs.Neb about this last night, this is not medical advice and has been filtered through me so take it with a grain of salt but her comment was that we recall recent things far better than more distant things, eventually bad stuff fades away but if you constantly re-expose yourself you won't stop thinking about it and can't heal. Particularly damaging is hearing everyone's stories about how it affected them, which can lead to you become vicariously traumatised - it brings it a lot closer to you if you hear people's stories about how it affected them.

This bit is now me thinking out loud, not Mrs.Neb: If you find it's getting you down, don't go out looking for Covid19 news, don't read the Covid19 thread on here or other sites where people are sharing stories, don't listen to talkback (ugh) and similar where you'll get the same thing.

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Eva888

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#2541656 15-Aug-2020 14:16

networkn:
Thanks for your kind wishes. It comes across like I want sympathy, and it isn't really about that, but sometimes it's good to have somewhere to "put" stuff.

My mother used to say, two things.. 1) This too will pass 2) No matter how bad you feel, someone, somewhere will be much much worse off.

Both of those things are entirely true. In the grand scheme of things, we are incredibly fortunate to have what we have and it's about focusing on that.

It does feel a little relentless right this minute, but I can still smile, so it's not too bad.

I felt very touched by your descriptions of your life at present and so sorry for your loss. It’s good that you can write about it and share the burden.

When times are tough and overwhelming it helps not to add more fuel to an already difficult situation. My own response when overwhelmed has been to avoid anything that makes me sad, example reading news about horrible events, cruelty, painful stories etc. I have learned to skim over what will sadden me and focus more on items that don’t have emotion attached. You cant solve every problem and others just need time, but guaranteed is that 'everything changes, nothing stays the same.'

Your mothers words above are your best mantra...keep repeating them to yourself to remember that nothing is permanent and that equally applies to good and bad things. Life can be tough when it happens all at once but as she says, there is always worse.

I have a friend in Beirut and we spoke the other night after the explosion. He was sobbing talking how his daughter in law 40 was on the wharf when it hit, she had 120 cuts in the face by glass, her mother lost an arm and now the children having nightmares and terrified. There are terrible tragedies there of entire families homeless with winter coming and food being short and electricity 22 hours by generator.

So...be happy and grateful that your problems are temporary and fixable, you have kids and a wife to hug and maybe a new pet on the horizon. Give your kids lots of cuddles and maybe discuss what colour kitten they would like next and could they draw a picture of what they would prefer and the toys it may need, and continue to smile. Best Wishes.

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#2541666 15-Aug-2020 14:26

kiwiharry:

There are certain medical services that people rely on and blood tests is one of them. We don't choose when we get sick. I almost broke down in the carpark as I'm quite concerned about my legs/muscle issue. I don't want to wait another 4 or 5 days to start the investigation process.

Wife has now brought me to hospital.

The experience of some outpatient care stories from the first time around suggests the squeaky wheels got the grease while some others who just did what they were told missed out on potentially important interventions.

Don't take no for an answer, get an outcome. Send the wife into bat for you if it's going to get you a better result - pushy middle aged women are ridiculed but a lot of a time they'll get the job done. Don't take any chances with it.

Eva888

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#2541671 15-Aug-2020 14:34

@kiwharry

How awful for you! It must feel very frightening. Hospital will make you feel more secure so it was a good move and you will at least get your bloods done.

Sometimes focusing on the pain and feeling scared can make you feel the discomfort is worsening. Fear and thinking plays a lot of tricks on our minds. Focus only on positive outcomes.

I was at a talk by a researcher the other night and someone asked if there was a personality type that got cancer. She responded with an interesting test they had done on rats. Dominant rat got cancer injected into its tail as did a submissive rat. The dominant rat's cancer didn’t spread. The submissive rat's cancer did. Moral of the story...be a fighter.

Hoping this has an easy answer for you and it’s just a bad case of influenza. Focus on what you want as a nice treat for yourselves when you go back home. Best Wishes.

kiwiharry

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#2541953 15-Aug-2020 21:20

Eva888: @kiwharry
How awful for you! It must feel very frightening. Hospital will make you feel more secure so it was a good move and you will at least get your bloods done.

Thanks for the support. Yeah I was a bit distressed about my unexplained condition. Hospital attended to me quickly and did my bloods etc. Even the doctor there was surprised by Labtests refusal.

If you can't laugh at yourself then you probably shouldn't laugh at others.

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