Silly joke thread

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Networkn
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#3265694 29-Jul-2024 08:45

Police are on the lookout after a man has been breaking into farms and stealing cows.

They are looking for a male with a large moo-stash.

Behodar

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#3268838 6-Aug-2024 19:48

If you're swimming in Paris then you're completely in Seine!

eracode

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#3268924 7-Aug-2024 02:27

Behodar:

If you're swimming in Paris then you're completely in Seine!

Yep - an oldie but a goodie.

😀

Sometimes I just sit and think. Other times I just sit.

Behodar

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#3269345 7-Aug-2024 20:54

Ah - as you can tell, I missed that one. [Edit: Oh, it's in a different thread]

eracode

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#3269366 8-Aug-2024 01:03

A guy walks into a coffee shop in Dublin. “Could I please have a coffee without cream”.

Server: “To be sure - but you’ll be having coffee witout d’milk - we’re out of cream”.

Sometimes I just sit and think. Other times I just sit.

SaltyNZ

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#3269371 8-Aug-2024 07:49

eracode:

As guy walks into a coffee shop in Dublin. “Could I please have a coffee without cream”.

Server: “To be sure - but you’ll be having coffee witout d’milk - we’re out of cream”.

The older variant of that same joke:

A babushka walks into a Moscow shop, and looks around. 'You don't have any bread?' she asks the clerk.

'No,' says the clerk. 'We don't have any meat. The shop that doesn't have any bread is next door.'

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These comments are my own and do not represent the opinions of 2degrees.

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#3272683 16-Aug-2024 19:55

A Scotsman, an Englishman and an Irishman want to get into the Olympics but they haven't got tickets.

The Scotsman picks up a manhole-cover, tucks it under his arm and walks to the gate. "McTavish, Scotland" he says, "Discus", and in he walks.

The Englishman picks up a length of scaffolding and slings it over his shoulder. "Waddington-Smythe, England," he says, "Pole vault", and in he walks.

The Irishman looks around, picks up a roll of barbed wire and tucks it under his arm. "O'Malley, Ireland," he says, "Fencing".

Did Eric Clapton really think she looked wonderful...or was it after the 15th outfit she tried on and he just wanted to get to the party and get a drink?

eracode

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#3274105 21-Aug-2024 11:51

Sometimes I just sit and think. Other times I just sit.

eracode

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#3274120 21-Aug-2024 12:19

Our son just sent us a photo with smiley and facepalm emojis, saying our 15-month-old granddaughter had just done this:

I replied saying we should all be very proud of her because, even at this young age, she’s clearly thinking outside the square.

Sometimes I just sit and think. Other times I just sit.

floydbloke

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#3274569 22-Aug-2024 20:05

Every now and then Facebook serves up a gem.

Did Eric Clapton really think she looked wonderful...or was it after the 15th outfit she tried on and he just wanted to get to the party and get a drink?

eracode

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#3274876 23-Aug-2024 20:54

floydbloke:

Every now and then Facebook serves up a gem.

… and a banana for scale.

Sometimes I just sit and think. Other times I just sit.

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#3274884 23-Aug-2024 23:19

Top 10 jokes of the Edinburgh festival

1. I was going to sail around the globe in the world’s smallest ship, but I bottled it. Mark Simmons

2. I’ve been taking salsa lessons for months, but I just don’t feel like I’m progressing. It’s just one step forward, two steps back. Alec Snook

3. Ate horse at a restaurant once – wasn’t great. Starter was all right, but the mane was dreadful. Alex Kitson

4. I sailed through my driving test. That’s why I failed it. Arthur Smith

5. I love the Olympics. My friend and I invented a new type of relay baton. Well, he came up with the idea, I ran with it. Mark Simmons

6. My dad used to say to me: “Pints, gallons, litres” – which, I think, speaks volumes. Olaf Falafel

7. British etiquette is confusing. Why is it highbrow to look at boobs in an art gallery but lowbrow when I get them out in Spoons? Chelsea Birkby

8. My partner told me that she’d never seen the film Gaslight. I told her that she definitely had. Zoë Coombs Marr

9. I’m an extremely emotionally needy non-binary person. My pronouns are “there, there”. Sarah Keyworth

10. Keir Starmer looks like an AI-generated image of a substitute teacher. Sophie Duker

Most of the posters in this thread are just like chimpanzees on MDMA, full of feelings of bonhomie, joy, and optimism. Fred99 8/4/21

networkn

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#3275654 26-Aug-2024 23:09

My grandfather is always going on about how in the olden days you could leave your back door open.

It explains why his submarine sank!

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#3275679 27-Aug-2024 08:35

elpenguino:

8. My partner told me that she’d never seen the film Gaslight. I told her that she definitely had. Zoë Coombs Marr

A few months ago my parents messaged the family group to say they had been to Windsor (NSW) to see the new gas lights that had been installed to replicate the original gas lights the town had back when gas lights were the new cool thing that towns had to have. I tried to convince them that Windsor had never had gas lighting. It went back and forth several times before my sister helpfully chimed in with the web site detailing the history of gas lights in Windsor and why they decided to put new ones in etc. etc.

To which I replied, 'I'm trying to gaslight mum & dad into believing there never were any gas lights in Windsor. You're not helping.'

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These comments are my own and do not represent the opinions of 2degrees.

networkn

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#3275689 27-Aug-2024 09:04

My Grandma's sense of humor has always been her strongest attribute.

She was mugged a few years ago, unfortunately. As the young punk held her up and demanded all her money, she said, "I don't have any money."

"I don't believe you! I'm gonna search you!" he sneered. So he started patting her down all over really well.

"I guess you don't have any money," he said disappointed.

"I told you," my Grandma replied. "But if you do that again, I'll write you a check."

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