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networkn
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  #3324260 24-Dec-2024 17:08
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Went to the public pools today. I was busting so I peed in the deep end. The lifeguard blew his whistle so loudly, I nearly fell in!

networkn
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  #3324278 24-Dec-2024 18:53
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My wife asked for some peace and quiet while she cooked dinner.

 

 

 

So I took the batteries out of the smoke alarm.

networkn
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  #3325793 29-Dec-2024 11:22
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My son asked me if a punch bowl is a place where you keep names of people you want to punch... 

 

I usually keep them in my head but, keeping them in a fancy crystal bowl seems classy

networkn
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  #3326766 1-Jan-2025 10:29
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How do you get a Pikachu on a bus?

 

 

 

You Pokemon.

networkn
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  #3327795 5-Jan-2025 12:53
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A guy goes to the doctor. 

 

Guy: "Doc, I think I broke my arm in three places." 

 

Doctor: "Well, don't go to those places!"

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  #3327894 5-Jan-2025 18:55
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Woman: „Is that my train?“

 

Stationmaster: „No, it belongs to the railway company.“

 

Woman: „Stop joking. I was wondering if I could take this train to Moskau.“

 

Stationmaster: „No, lady, I'm afraid it's too heavy.“




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  #3327896 5-Jan-2025 18:59
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„This isn’t an office, it’s hell with fluorescent lighting.“

 

„Ohhh, let me turn on the part of my brain that gives a damn.“




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  #3327897 5-Jan-2025 19:01
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Two old men, Marty and Frank, were sitting next to each other on the London subway. Their hearing isn't good.

 

Marty mutters: „Is this Wembley?“

 

„No“, says Frank, „it's Thursday.“

 

Marty answers: „OK then, let's find a pub and have a drink.“




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  #3327898 5-Jan-2025 19:02
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„What do you do if you are driving your car in central London and you see a spaceman?“

 

„Park in it, of course“




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ANglEAUT
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  #3329239 8-Jan-2025 17:33
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Q: What does Linux have in common with cyclists?

 

A: They both worry about drivers.

 

 




Please keep this GZ community vibrant by contributing in a constructive & respectful manner.

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  #3329316 8-Jan-2025 19:28
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What borders on stupidity?

 

 

 

Mexico and Canada.

johno1234
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  #3329368 8-Jan-2025 20:15
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Tinkerisk:

 

Two old men, Marty and Frank, were sitting next to each other on the London subway. Their hearing isn't good.

 

Marty mutters: „Is this Wembley?“

 

„No“, says Frank, „it's Thursday.“

 

Marty answers: „OK then, let's find a pub and have a drink.“

 

 

The first one says "Windy, isn't it". The second one says "No, it is Thursday". The third one says "So am I. Let us go get a beer".

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  #3329434 9-Jan-2025 08:15
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Tinkerisk:

 

„What do you do if you are driving your car in central London and you see a spaceman?“

 

„Park in it, of coursePark in it, man“

 

 

Fixed. (Credit: Vicar of Dibley Se4 Ep2.)




Did Eric Clapton really think she looked wonderful...or was it after the 15th outfit she tried on and he just wanted to get to the party and get a drink?

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  #3329442 9-Jan-2025 09:06
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Humour's getting very surreal these days, isn't it? I blame Nicholas Witchell.

Tinkerisk
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  #3329472 9-Jan-2025 11:01
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floydbloke:

 

Fixed. (Credit: Vicar of Dibley Se4 Ep2.)

 

 

Do you really expect we know this guy? Or season episode? Here? I have it from an English ex-colleague. 😉




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