Silly joke thread

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Networkn
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#3324260 24-Dec-2024 17:08

Went to the public pools today. I was busting so I peed in the deep end. The lifeguard blew his whistle so loudly, I nearly fell in!

networkn

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#3324278 24-Dec-2024 18:53

My wife asked for some peace and quiet while she cooked dinner.

So I took the batteries out of the smoke alarm.

networkn

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#3325793 29-Dec-2024 11:22

My son asked me if a punch bowl is a place where you keep names of people you want to punch...

I usually keep them in my head but, keeping them in a fancy crystal bowl seems classy

networkn

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#3326766 1-Jan-2025 10:29

How do you get a Pikachu on a bus?

You Pokemon.

networkn

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#3327795 5-Jan-2025 12:53

A guy goes to the doctor.

Guy: "Doc, I think I broke my arm in three places."

Doctor: "Well, don't go to those places!"

Tinkerisk

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#3327894 5-Jan-2025 18:55

Woman: „Is that my train?“

Stationmaster: „No, it belongs to the railway company.“

Woman: „Stop joking. I was wondering if I could take this train to Moskau.“

Stationmaster: „No, lady, I'm afraid it's too heavy.“

Qui nihil scit, omnia credere debet. - He who knows nothing must believe everything.
Firewalls do NOT stop dragons. Really not!
I avoid Big Tech. They try hard to dictate technology and „culture“ across borders.
In effect we have everything to hide from someone, and no idea who „someone“ is.

Tinkerisk

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#3327896 5-Jan-2025 18:59

„This isn’t an office, it’s hell with fluorescent lighting.“

„Ohhh, let me turn on the part of my brain that gives a damn.“

Qui nihil scit, omnia credere debet. - He who knows nothing must believe everything.
Firewalls do NOT stop dragons. Really not!
I avoid Big Tech. They try hard to dictate technology and „culture“ across borders.
In effect we have everything to hide from someone, and no idea who „someone“ is.

Tinkerisk

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#3327897 5-Jan-2025 19:01

Two old men, Marty and Frank, were sitting next to each other on the London subway. Their hearing isn't good.

Marty mutters: „Is this Wembley?“

„No“, says Frank, „it's Thursday.“

Marty answers: „OK then, let's find a pub and have a drink.“

Qui nihil scit, omnia credere debet. - He who knows nothing must believe everything.
Firewalls do NOT stop dragons. Really not!
I avoid Big Tech. They try hard to dictate technology and „culture“ across borders.
In effect we have everything to hide from someone, and no idea who „someone“ is.

Tinkerisk

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#3327898 5-Jan-2025 19:02

„What do you do if you are driving your car in central London and you see a spaceman?“

„Park in it, of course“

Qui nihil scit, omnia credere debet. - He who knows nothing must believe everything.
Firewalls do NOT stop dragons. Really not!
I avoid Big Tech. They try hard to dictate technology and „culture“ across borders.
In effect we have everything to hide from someone, and no idea who „someone“ is.

ANglEAUT

altered-ego
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#3329239 8-Jan-2025 17:33

Q: What does Linux have in common with cyclists?

A: They both worry about drivers.

Please keep this GZ community vibrant by contributing in a constructive & respectful manner.

sir1963

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#3329316 8-Jan-2025 19:28

What borders on stupidity?

Mexico and Canada.

johno1234

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#3329368 8-Jan-2025 20:15

Tinkerisk:

Two old men, Marty and Frank, were sitting next to each other on the London subway. Their hearing isn't good.

Marty mutters: „Is this Wembley?“

„No“, says Frank, „it's Thursday.“

Marty answers: „OK then, let's find a pub and have a drink.“

The first one says "Windy, isn't it". The second one says "No, it is Thursday". The third one says "So am I. Let us go get a beer".

floydbloke

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#3329434 9-Jan-2025 08:15

Tinkerisk:

„What do you do if you are driving your car in central London and you see a spaceman?“

„~~Park in it, of course~~Park in it, man“

Fixed. (Credit: Vicar of Dibley Se4 Ep2.)

New Zealanders, on average, have one testicle.

Behodar

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#3329442 9-Jan-2025 09:06

Humour's getting very surreal these days, isn't it? I blame Nicholas Witchell.

Tinkerisk

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#3329472 9-Jan-2025 11:01

floydbloke:

Fixed. (Credit: Vicar of Dibley Se4 Ep2.)

Do you really expect we know this guy? Or season episode? Here? I have it from an English ex-colleague. 😉

Qui nihil scit, omnia credere debet. - He who knows nothing must believe everything.
Firewalls do NOT stop dragons. Really not!
I avoid Big Tech. They try hard to dictate technology and „culture“ across borders.
In effect we have everything to hide from someone, and no idea who „someone“ is.

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