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networkn
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  #3324260 24-Dec-2024 17:08
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Went to the public pools today. I was busting so I peed in the deep end. The lifeguard blew his whistle so loudly, I nearly fell in!

networkn
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  #3324278 24-Dec-2024 18:53
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My wife asked for some peace and quiet while she cooked dinner.

 

 

 

So I took the batteries out of the smoke alarm.

networkn
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  #3325793 29-Dec-2024 11:22
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My son asked me if a punch bowl is a place where you keep names of people you want to punch... 

 

I usually keep them in my head but, keeping them in a fancy crystal bowl seems classy

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  #3326766 1-Jan-2025 10:29
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How do you get a Pikachu on a bus?

 

 

 

You Pokemon.

networkn
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  #3327795 5-Jan-2025 12:53
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A guy goes to the doctor. 

 

Guy: "Doc, I think I broke my arm in three places." 

 

Doctor: "Well, don't go to those places!"

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  #3327894 5-Jan-2025 18:55
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Woman: „Is that my train?“

 

Stationmaster: „No, it belongs to the railway company.“

 

Woman: „Stop joking. I was wondering if I could take this train to Moskau.“

 

Stationmaster: „No, lady, I'm afraid it's too heavy.“




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  #3327896 5-Jan-2025 18:59
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„This isn’t an office, it’s hell with fluorescent lighting.“

 

„Ohhh, let me turn on the part of my brain that gives a damn.“




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  #3327897 5-Jan-2025 19:01
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Two old men, Marty and Frank, were sitting next to each other on the London subway. Their hearing isn't good.

 

Marty mutters: „Is this Wembley?“

 

„No“, says Frank, „it's Thursday.“

 

Marty answers: „OK then, let's find a pub and have a drink.“




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  #3327898 5-Jan-2025 19:02
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„What do you do if you are driving your car in central London and you see a spaceman?“

 

„Park in it, of course“




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ANglEAUT
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  #3329239 8-Jan-2025 17:33
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Q: What does Linux have in common with cyclists?

 

A: They both worry about drivers.

 

 




Please keep this GZ community vibrant by contributing in a constructive & respectful manner.

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  #3329316 8-Jan-2025 19:28
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What borders on stupidity?

 

 

 

Mexico and Canada.

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  #3329368 8-Jan-2025 20:15
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Tinkerisk:

 

Two old men, Marty and Frank, were sitting next to each other on the London subway. Their hearing isn't good.

 

Marty mutters: „Is this Wembley?“

 

„No“, says Frank, „it's Thursday.“

 

Marty answers: „OK then, let's find a pub and have a drink.“

 

 

The first one says "Windy, isn't it". The second one says "No, it is Thursday". The third one says "So am I. Let us go get a beer".

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  #3329434 9-Jan-2025 08:15
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Tinkerisk:

 

„What do you do if you are driving your car in central London and you see a spaceman?“

 

„Park in it, of coursePark in it, man“

 

 

Fixed. (Credit: Vicar of Dibley Se4 Ep2.)




Sometimes I use big words I don't always fully understand in an effort to make myself sound more photosynthesis.

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  #3329442 9-Jan-2025 09:06
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Humour's getting very surreal these days, isn't it? I blame Nicholas Witchell.

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  #3329472 9-Jan-2025 11:01
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floydbloke:

 

Fixed. (Credit: Vicar of Dibley Se4 Ep2.)

 

 

Do you really expect we know this guy? Or season episode? Here? I have it from an English ex-colleague. 😉




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