Silly joke thread

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Networkn
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#3324260 24-Dec-2024 17:08

Went to the public pools today. I was busting so I peed in the deep end. The lifeguard blew his whistle so loudly, I nearly fell in!

networkn

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#3324278 24-Dec-2024 18:53

My wife asked for some peace and quiet while she cooked dinner.

So I took the batteries out of the smoke alarm.

networkn

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#3325793 29-Dec-2024 11:22

My son asked me if a punch bowl is a place where you keep names of people you want to punch...

I usually keep them in my head but, keeping them in a fancy crystal bowl seems classy

networkn

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#3326766 1-Jan-2025 10:29

How do you get a Pikachu on a bus?

You Pokemon.

networkn

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#3327795 5-Jan-2025 12:53

A guy goes to the doctor.

Guy: "Doc, I think I broke my arm in three places."

Doctor: "Well, don't go to those places!"

Tinkerisk

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#3327894 5-Jan-2025 18:55

Woman: „Is that my train?“

Stationmaster: „No, it belongs to the railway company.“

Woman: „Stop joking. I was wondering if I could take this train to Moskau.“

Stationmaster: „No, lady, I'm afraid it's too heavy.“

Qui nihil scit, omnia credere debet. - He who knows nothing must believe everything.
Firewalls do NOT stop dragons. Really not. But your smart devices are spying on you!
I avoid Big Tech amap. They try hard to dictate technology and „culture“ across borders.
In effect we have everything to hide from someone, and no idea who „someone“ is.

Tinkerisk

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#3327896 5-Jan-2025 18:59

„This isn’t an office, it’s hell with fluorescent lighting.“

„Ohhh, let me turn on the part of my brain that gives a damn.“

Qui nihil scit, omnia credere debet. - He who knows nothing must believe everything.
Firewalls do NOT stop dragons. Really not. But your smart devices are spying on you!
I avoid Big Tech amap. They try hard to dictate technology and „culture“ across borders.
In effect we have everything to hide from someone, and no idea who „someone“ is.

Tinkerisk

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#3327897 5-Jan-2025 19:01

Two old men, Marty and Frank, were sitting next to each other on the London subway. Their hearing isn't good.

Marty mutters: „Is this Wembley?“

„No“, says Frank, „it's Thursday.“

Marty answers: „OK then, let's find a pub and have a drink.“

Qui nihil scit, omnia credere debet. - He who knows nothing must believe everything.
Firewalls do NOT stop dragons. Really not. But your smart devices are spying on you!
I avoid Big Tech amap. They try hard to dictate technology and „culture“ across borders.
In effect we have everything to hide from someone, and no idea who „someone“ is.

Tinkerisk

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#3327898 5-Jan-2025 19:02

„What do you do if you are driving your car in central London and you see a spaceman?“

„Park in it, of course“

Qui nihil scit, omnia credere debet. - He who knows nothing must believe everything.
Firewalls do NOT stop dragons. Really not. But your smart devices are spying on you!
I avoid Big Tech amap. They try hard to dictate technology and „culture“ across borders.
In effect we have everything to hide from someone, and no idea who „someone“ is.

ANglEAUT

altered-ego
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#3329239 8-Jan-2025 17:33

Q: What does Linux have in common with cyclists?

A: They both worry about drivers.

Please keep this GZ community vibrant by contributing in a constructive & respectful manner.

sir1963

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#3329316 8-Jan-2025 19:28

What borders on stupidity?

Mexico and Canada.

johno1234

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#3329368 8-Jan-2025 20:15

Tinkerisk:

Two old men, Marty and Frank, were sitting next to each other on the London subway. Their hearing isn't good.

Marty mutters: „Is this Wembley?“

„No“, says Frank, „it's Thursday.“

Marty answers: „OK then, let's find a pub and have a drink.“

The first one says "Windy, isn't it". The second one says "No, it is Thursday". The third one says "So am I. Let us go get a beer".

floydbloke

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#3329434 9-Jan-2025 08:15

Tinkerisk:

„What do you do if you are driving your car in central London and you see a spaceman?“

„~~Park in it, of course~~Park in it, man“

Fixed. (Credit: Vicar of Dibley Se4 Ep2.)

The Institute of Unfinished Research has concluded that 6 out of 10 people

Behodar

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#3329442 9-Jan-2025 09:06

Humour's getting very surreal these days, isn't it? I blame Nicholas Witchell.

Tinkerisk

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#3329472 9-Jan-2025 11:01

floydbloke:

Fixed. (Credit: Vicar of Dibley Se4 Ep2.)

Do you really expect we know this guy? Or season episode? Here? I have it from an English ex-colleague. 😉

Qui nihil scit, omnia credere debet. - He who knows nothing must believe everything.
Firewalls do NOT stop dragons. Really not. But your smart devices are spying on you!
I avoid Big Tech amap. They try hard to dictate technology and „culture“ across borders.
In effect we have everything to hide from someone, and no idea who „someone“ is.

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