Child free by choice or otherwise

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#1988151 4-Apr-2018 12:26

Geektastic:

It is as silly as having children because you want an astronaut in the family.

You have no guarantee that - assuming the child lives long enough to care for you - it will be interested in doing so, capable of doing so or willing to do so - any more than you have any guarantee that the child will have the intellectual, physical and mental equipment to be an astronaut (to say nothing of the opportunity).

You're not going to convince me that "because I want someone to care for me when I am old" isn't a silly reason to have children.

I'm not saying it is never done, or that some children will willingly do it. I am saying that if that is the reason you're having them, it's not sensible. It would be more sensible if old age care is your primary concern to have no children and invest all the money you would have spent on them in an old age fund to pay for guaranteed care.

I don't think (most) people actually mean "care for", because that rarely happens these days. I think they mean "care about", in other words, remain socially engaged with.

But I could be wrong!

networkn

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#1988152 4-Apr-2018 12:28

I must admit, whilst it wasn't a severe contributing factor, hopefully having someone be my advocate in my older years is a factor.

Also yes, the social interaction part of it too.

Obviously, nothing stops that from not happening, my kids could move overseas etc at some stage. Thankfully not something I have to worry about for hopefully 10+ years.

MikeAqua

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#1988167 4-Apr-2018 13:03

We have four kids between us. I never had burning desire to be parent, but I wasn't opposed so went along with it when my wife wanted kids.

Having kids is the worst and best thing one can possibly do. Generally I oscillate between loving them to bits and wanting to smother them in their sleep.

I love my kids to bits. But ... if I had life all over again, I would avoid the long-con that is marriage, kids and child-support.

Mike

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#1988236 4-Apr-2018 15:15

kryptonjohn:

Geektastic:

It is as silly as having children because you want an astronaut in the family.

You have no guarantee that - assuming the child lives long enough to care for you - it will be interested in doing so, capable of doing so or willing to do so - any more than you have any guarantee that the child will have the intellectual, physical and mental equipment to be an astronaut (to say nothing of the opportunity).

You're not going to convince me that "because I want someone to care for me when I am old" isn't a silly reason to have children.

I'm not saying it is never done, or that some children will willingly do it. I am saying that if that is the reason you're having them, it's not sensible. It would be more sensible if old age care is your primary concern to have no children and invest all the money you would have spent on them in an old age fund to pay for guaranteed care.

I don't think (most) people actually mean "care for", because that rarely happens these days. I think they mean "care about", in other words, remain socially engaged with.

But I could be wrong!

I can only suggest that they use the very accurate English language to say what they actually mean..!

DaveB

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#1988409 4-Apr-2018 21:16

MikeAqua:

But ... if I had life all over again, I would avoid the long-con that is marriage, kids and child-support.

Interesting choice of words. Been there ....... done that (both failed relationship and ongoing child-support) . But I don't see marriage as a long con, nor do I begrudge child-support. I see the marriage breakdown as a failure of parent(s) to continue to put their joint kids first. This may be due to circumstances that either (both jointly or each singularly) may not want to acknowledge or accept. In either case, one or both of parents are to blame. Hence child-support.

I see child-support as an ongoing requirement to ensure our children continue to be supported if we (jointly or singularly) have screwed up in our (joint) responsibility to our offspring. And if we have (jointly or singularly) failed as adults to put our problems above our offspring's entitlement to ongoing support in their early years, we should be made to continue to provide the financial support that we would have made as joint parents wherever possible.

The problem with child support is that it does not necessarily go to the affected child. But liberal attitudes over the years would not have it any other way.

I just do not see it as a long-con. The formula is quite simple .... "A" went into "B" = (C)hild. Absolutely no long-con there at all. Just a long-term responsibility for our actions. Why do people fail to accept that?

As I said - been there, done that. And at $1,800 a month I was furious, especially as my ex appeared to be living a lifestyle well beyond mine! But at the end of the day, I was the "A" and accept the consequences.

Many people in this thread have demonstrated that they fear the recognition that A+B=C and run a mile! And one cannot blame them in many respects. Their attitude is an understandable reaction to the generational changes of a "user pays" system based on "financial responsibility for our actions".

Personally I am just thankful I got through it with a few $$ in the bank and a head start for my kids. As the Chinese say "With every crisis comes an opportunity".

EDIT: Small grammatical change.

BTR

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#1988503 5-Apr-2018 07:57

No human kids only furry kids, not interested in human ones.

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#1988561 5-Apr-2018 09:24

DaveB:

MikeAqua:

But ... if I had life all over again, I would avoid the long-con that is marriage, kids and child-support.

Interesting choice of words. Been there ....... done that (both failed relationship and ongoing child-support) . But I don't see marriage as a long con, nor do I begrudge child-support. I see the marriage breakdown as a failure of parent(s) to continue to put their joint kids first. This may be due to circumstances that either (both jointly or each singularly) may not want to acknowledge or accept. In either case, one or both of parents are to blame. Hence child-support.

I see child-support as an ongoing requirement to ensure our children continue to be supported if we (jointly or singularly) have screwed up in our (joint) responsibility to our offspring. And if we have (jointly or singularly) failed as adults to put our problems above our offspring's entitlement to ongoing support in their early years, we should be made to continue to provide the financial support that we would have made as joint parents wherever possible.

The problem with child support is that it does not necessarily go to the affected child. But liberal attitudes over the years would not have it any other way.

I just do not see it as a long-con. The formula is quite simple .... "A" went into "B" = (C)hild. Absolutely no long-con there at all. Just a long-term responsibility for our actions. Why do people fail to accept that?

As I said - been there, done that. And at $1,800 a month I was furious, especially as my ex appeared to be living a lifestyle well beyond mine! But at the end of the day, I was the "A" and accept the consequences.

Many people in this thread have demonstrated that they fear the recognition that A+B=C and run a mile! And one cannot blame them in many respects. Their attitude is an understandable reaction to the generational changes of a "user pays" system based on "financial responsibility for our actions".

Personally I am just thankful I got through it with a few $$ in the bank and a head start for my kids. As the Chinese say "With every crisis comes an opportunity".

EDIT: Small grammatical change.

A commendable sense of duty and responsibility.

MileHighKiwi

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#1988876 5-Apr-2018 16:43

I had a health scare recently and the thought of passing away and my wife raising our kids alone terrifies me. My friend's father died when she was very young and she's never truly got over it. She's in her 50s.

What I'm trying to say is that as a parent I feel a huge burden of responsibility and fear of losing soemthing so dear to me. I never used to think this way and every time I hear about something bad happening to kids it really affects me in a negative way.

My kids are young (two under 3) and I'm told by other parents that these feelings are normal. I hope so!

DarthKermit

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#1989826 7-Apr-2018 02:51

Been away from this debate for 3 or 4 days due to a hospital admission. I had a very nasty chest infection. I'm at home recuperating now.

The worst part was having no internet access while in hospital (hopeless internet addict here).

Anywho, good to see the thread is going well.

I'm still 47 going on 48 and still never going to have any kids. If I wake up one day suddenly wanting them, I can always dump the missus of nearly ten years, try to hook a mail order bride half my age and try to procreate. I'll get back to you should this unlikely chain of events ever come to pass (rolls eyes).

Fred99

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#1989849 7-Apr-2018 07:33

BTR:

No human kids only furry kids, not interested in human ones.

Note to career advisers - there's probably better future earning potential in vet science than pediatrics, dog grooming than hairdressing.

Fred99

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#1989850 7-Apr-2018 07:35

DarthKermit:

The worst part was having no internet access while in hospital (hopeless internet addict here).

Should be a basic guaranteed human right. How the hell could anybody rationally critique quality of medical care provided without access to Dr Google?

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DarthKermit

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#1990963 7-Apr-2018 11:48

I was in a shop this morning and there were a couple of screaming crying children. *shudder*

I had to take some of my child allergy pills to cope.

DarthKermit

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#1990965 7-Apr-2018 11:56

Fred99:

DarthKermit:

The worst part was having no internet access while in hospital (hopeless internet addict here).

Should be a basic guaranteed human right. How the hell could anybody rationally critique quality of medical care provided without access to Dr Google?

It was more the inconvenience of not being able to email anyone nor look at the internet in general. I don't carry a list of people's home phone numbers around with me and since I never phone anyone with a cellular telephone, I don't know their phone numbers.

There are (very few) times when a cellular telephone would be useful. But I hate accessing email or internet thru cellular telephones. I can't type for s**t on one of those pokey little virtual on screen keyboards and trying to look at web pages like geekzone is awful on a cellular telephone screen.

matisyahu

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#1991132 7-Apr-2018 16:29

I'm gay and I see a lot of couples wanting to do the 'straight thing' of having kids and a family - that isn't something for me, I value the freedom that comes with being childfree.

As for what others do - what ever floats your boat and spins your wheel. End of the day we all have different dreams, aspirations and priorities, as long as what you do doesn't adversely impact me then I'm indifferent.

"When the people are being beaten with a stick, they are not much happier if it is called 'the People's Stick'"

DarthKermit

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#1991138 7-Apr-2018 16:43

Indeed. It would be a very boring world if we were all the same.

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