Child free by choice or otherwise

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#1991143 7-Apr-2018 16:50

DarthKermit:

I'm in the former category. I'm nearly 48 now and have never had a paternal bone in my body. I've had a few people question me over the years on why I've never wanted or had kids.

What are your opinions and/or experience on this topic?

The way I've seen it play out:

1. There's no problem if both partners don't want kids.

2. If you're solo and don't have any.....well.....maybe your mother cares.....and besides you can be a great uncle or aunt to your siblings' kids if they have any.

3. If your partner really wants kids and you don't......the partner will almost certainly leave and best they don't waste too much time doing it.

Other than that....there aren't many other scenarios for the voluntary childless.

Involuntary childless is another thing entirely. Some people absolutely ache to have kids and can go maybe a little more than half crazy if they can't.

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I've been on Geekzone over 16 years..... Time flies....

Geektastic

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#1991297 7-Apr-2018 22:46

DarthKermit:

Been away from this debate for 3 or 4 days due to a hospital admission. I had a very nasty chest infection. I'm at home recuperating now.

The worst part was having no internet access while in hospital (hopeless internet addict here).

Anywho, good to see the thread is going well.

I'm still 47 going on 48 and still never going to have any kids. If I wake up one day suddenly wanting them, I can always dump the missus of nearly ten years, try to hook a mail order bride half my age and try to procreate. I'll get back to you should this unlikely chain of events ever come to pass (rolls eyes).

No 4G?

DarthKermit

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#1991303 7-Apr-2018 22:54

Geektastic:

No 4G?

Um, does that mean wifi? I didn't want to drag a laptop into the hospital with me in case it got stolen.

HasBin

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#1991399 8-Apr-2018 12:59

billgates: We lost our first baby few months ago to stillborn birth at full 9 months. Everyday feels like that it was a cruel joke.

I'm so sorry.

Lias

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#1991598 8-Apr-2018 18:33

DarthKermit:

Um, does that mean wifi? I didn't want to drag a laptop into the hospital with me in case it got stolen.

4G means Cellular, either with a built in cellular modem or tethered to a cellphone.

I'm a geek, a gamer, a dad, a Quic user, and an IT Professional. I have a full rack home lab, size 15 feet, an epic beard and Asperger's. I'm a bit of a Cypherpunk, who believes information wants to be free and the Net interprets censorship as damage and routes around it. If you use my Quic signup you can also use the code R570394EKGIZ8 for free setup.

DarthKermit

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#1991606 8-Apr-2018 18:55

Well I don't have a cellphone or a tablet hence no interwebz for a few days.

DaveB

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#1991674 8-Apr-2018 20:38

DarthKermit:

Well I don't have a cellphone or a tablet hence no interwebz for a few days.

No Cellphone. No Tablet. No Internet. No kids. Probably no wife. Sounds like solitary bliss!

Oops ........ missed the earlier bit about a missus of ten years. Almost bliss then!

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MikeAqua

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#1992004 9-Apr-2018 13:46

DaveB:

I just do not see it as a long-con. The formula is quite simple .... "A" went into "B" = (C)hild. Absolutely no long-con there at all. Just a long-term responsibility for our actions. Why do people fail to accept that?

Without getting into specific details .... taking responsibility and knowing when you have been conned are not mutually exclusive.

If I was giving advice to young guys I would say long term relationships and fatherhood are on balance best avoided.

Too much drama for too little reward. Just pick a woman at random and pay her $250 per week to make your life difficult for 18 years. 50% saving right there.

Or ... at least go into it with eyes open. Be prepared for the relationship to fail and associated consequences, rather than assuming "that won't happen to us". There is a 20% chance it will and that number excludes people living unhappily in dysfunctional relationships.

Mike

Rikkitic

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#1992011 9-Apr-2018 13:57

Different people have different experiences. I had a great time helping a friend raise her two young girls. I got to do all the fun things with them while she dealt with the crap. For me it was the best of both worlds. I really like kids, as long as they belong to someone else.

Plesse igmore amd axxept applogies in adbance fir anu typos

MikeAqua

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#1992012 9-Apr-2018 14:00

Linuxluver:

The way I've seen it play out:

1. There's no problem if both partners don't want kids.

2. If you're solo and don't have any.....well.....maybe your mother cares.....and besides you can be a great uncle or aunt to your siblings' kids if they have any.

3. If your partner really wants kids and you don't......the partner will almost certainly leave and best they don't waste too much time doing it.

There seems to be a 4th option if she wants kids (or more kids) and he doesn't "Ooops. I'm pregnant"

Mike

MikeAqua

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#1992015 9-Apr-2018 14:05

Rikkitic:

Different people have different experiences. I had a great time helping a friend raise her two young girls. I got to do all the fun things with them while she dealt with the crap. For me it was the best of both worlds. I really like kids, as long as they belong to someone else.

That's more like grand-parenting. Whole different scenario. I'm an uncle (actually a great-uncle too ) which is similar and that can be fun.

Mike

Fred99

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#1992024 9-Apr-2018 14:17

I'm a godfather of many - I've lost count. I never quite "got it" as I've always been an atheist.

Caught up with one god-daughter overseas who seems to be spending much of her family legacy on cocaine. It's not my fault.

Never boast about your children. Apart from being hideously boring - it often backfires. Source: Life experience and observation.

darylblake

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#1992048 9-Apr-2018 14:37

34 / Single father of 2 here.

Glad I had them. Love them to bits. Don't judge people who choose not to have them. Children are not for everyone. I probably won't have any more, but have not 100% ruled it out, I have no idea what the future holes :D

networkn

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#1992071 9-Apr-2018 14:58

darylblake:

I have no idea what the future holes :D

Err, umm, really ? :)

DaveB

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#1992341 9-Apr-2018 20:13

darylblake:

34 / Single father of 2 here.

Glad I had them. Love them to bits. Don't judge people who choose not to have them. Children are not for everyone.

You make an interesting point. But I do judge.

As an employer, I would choose to commit to a "family focused individual" rather than just a "self focused individual". Any day. Without question. And with the job market the way it is, as an employer I have that choice. And I will continue to have that choice.

Experience has taught me that a potential employee with proven long term family commitments and goals, has much more to offer than any employee that quite happily demonstrates that they are only concerned about themselves.

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