Things that you hate about being a parent

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#2379394 20-Dec-2019 21:55

Handle9:
networkn:

One frustrating thing, is that weekdays, we have to drag out kids out of bed, weekends they are bouncing around at 7am.

7am. If only...

7 am that's when you have been up for a couple of hours right?

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#2379420 20-Dec-2019 23:37

7! That's a late start at my place!

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#2379425 21-Dec-2019 00:03

My kids aren't allowed out of bed before 7am unless it's to go to the toilet or they are unwell.

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#2379426 21-Dec-2019 00:47

My kids leave for school at 6:30am so are up during the week around 5:45. It's pretty hard to switch that off on the weekends.

lchiu7

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#2379516 21-Dec-2019 09:58

Taking a slightly later in life parent view. Having to pay back their student loan debts since I don' t want them to start life with a major debt burden when I didn't. Just means I defer retirement for a bit :-( But then for the rest academic investment maybe they can help me later :-)

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k1w1k1d

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#2379519 21-Dec-2019 10:03

Helped daughter buy a laptop for uni four years ago(ASUS 555LA). It is still going, but ever since I have been told that "I pushed her into it", "it wasn't the one she wanted", "it's too slow", "it's too big", etc, etc.

She has her degree and starts work soon. She now wants to replace it with a smaller one and I am getting pressured again to help, but.......

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elpenguino

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#2379626 21-Dec-2019 12:56

k1w1k1d:

Helped daughter buy a laptop for uni four years ago(ASUS 555LA). It is still going, but ever since I have been told that "I pushed her into it", "it wasn't the one she wanted", "it's too slow", "it's too big", etc, etc.

She has her degree and starts work soon. She now wants to replace it with a smaller one and I am getting pressured again to help, but.......

I have a blamer in the family too. It's a really annoying behaviour trait.

One way to counter this is to use the toddler's 'choice' idea. This one's good if you want a bigger screen. This one's good if you want one that's lighter etc. But the final choice is yours, not mine.

Most of the posters in this thread are just like chimpanzees on MDMA, full of feelings of bonhomie, joy, and optimism. Fred99 8/4/21

Tinkerisk

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#2381060 24-Dec-2019 18:21

No complaints. I expected the worst (I grew up with 3 nephews / nieces) and have had uncomplicated children myself. But I'm also not a 'helicopter dad'.

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In effect we have everything to hide from someone, and no idea who someone is.

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#2381405 26-Dec-2019 08:13

Christmas can be good and challenging, especially with a special needs child - fortunately yesterday was (mostly) good. Got a bit difficult when it was time to leave the beach...and he didn't want to...

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#2381632 27-Dec-2019 09:36

k1w1k1d:

Helped daughter buy a laptop for uni four years ago(ASUS 555LA). It is still going, but ever since I have been told that "I pushed her into it", "it wasn't the one she wanted", "it's too slow", "it's too big", etc, etc.

She has her degree and starts work soon. She now wants to replace it with a smaller one and I am getting pressured again to help, but.......

I bought a low-end Windows 10 tablet for my son to use to take notes etc. (touch screen). Then I told him he should us Google Docs and Drive to store all his stuff so when he went back to his room he could work on the docs on his desktop (a high end gaming machine witha 24" monitor). I thought that was the best work mode but I am not he ever bought into it as he hardly ever took the laptop to classes.

Then a few months ago he told me he purchased a Surface Laptop from his own money (well money he had saved from the accommodation allowance I was giving him!). It's pretty nice and I can understand why he wanted it but I guess I was imposing my own work procedure on him where I hate using laptops and much prefer desktops. Not good for your neck!

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PsychoSmiley

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#2381774 27-Dec-2019 15:05

de Quervain’s tenosynovitis

4 months of child rearing have achieved what 30 years of video games could not.

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#2381876 27-Dec-2019 16:57

PsychoSmiley:
de Quervain’s tenosynovitis

4 months of child rearing have achieved what 30 years of video games could not.

I'd say its got everything to do with it lol. Wait till they weigh 25kgs

nunz

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#2381878 27-Dec-2019 17:15

I hate the impact on my self esteem. I can always see where I am messing things up (my kids mirror my faults) , they push my buttons sooo quickly (my kids remind me of my faults) and I find myself being the person I dont want to be (copying my parents faults). But my kids are turning out alright despite me. Maybe got something right somewhere along the line.

However the rest of the world seems to thing I am a bad person as I will:

Raise my voice when speaking quietly fails
Tell my children they got it wrong - when they got it wrong - then help them get it right - when they need to be coached into adulthood.
Let my children make choices that might end up hurting them (15yo son has a girl friend arrgghh!!!)
Don't let my children make choices - that might badly hurt them in ways other people think is acceptable (zero social media and violent video games in our house).
Expect my children to show deference and respect to elders and 'betters'
Apply both carrot and stick where necessary.
Expect children to adhere to my values / standards while living in my house

Was at a community event the other day and a pack (6) of year 7/8 kids were effing and blinding and starting a scrap. When a guy in his 50's said, 'hey - settle it down there's kids and families here' the pack turned on him - rude, foul, abusive. I stepped up and told them to pull their heads in - its an adult and human they are talking to. One of the little dipsticks stepped into my face and suggested I should hit him - as there was a policeman 20 metres away. What a walking Darwin award. I'm almost twice his weight and breathing on him would have caused serious injury.

In the 'good old days' a swift kick up the rear would have sorted him out and gently taught him some survival sense. As it is he thinks he is invincible and one day will do the same thing to someone who will flatten him. That's very likely to end up in the hospital or morgue.

I hate being a parent in a world where political correctness and making rules for the minority, end up screwing the majority of us, is in place.

nunz

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#2381881 27-Dec-2019 17:21

quickymart:

One thing I don't like (I wouldn't quite say hate) about being a parent is there seems to be very little support for parents of children with special needs. There's no after-school care whatsoever, so we have to arrange this privately (which is very expensive - my other boy's school has this but his brother's school doesn't; if they did it would be a Godsend) and we get a sort of benefit for my son, the princely sum of $90 a fortnight. Yes, I know there are people out there where that kind of money would be great, but $45 a week doesn't stretch too far in this day and age.

Sorry if I sound like I'm whining here, just wish there was more support for those raising special needs kids.

We have two with autism and another one undiagnosed but on the spectrum.

Having a diagnosis has got us nothing, no support at school and a ton of time spent attending clinics for diagnosis that lead no where.

Peer support groups are hard to get too - as your life is often full of trying to deal with other needs and just survive.

The education system is mainstreaming but not adding in the same support as was around before they closed specialist schools and services.

Also I assume that &45 is child disability support - try spending it -the constriants on how, when , who and what for are tough. Often family is the best support as they know your kid, but you cant support them using the $45 per week.

One good thing though - there is more recognition of special needs in the mainstream community. Autism, mental illness etc - more accepted and at least known about at some level. That's a big plus.

People helping people is whats needed. Neighbours, friends, community - but in the big city thats harder to find and achieve.

nunz

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#2381903 27-Dec-2019 17:38

Kiwifruta:
timmmay:

The feeling of being subsumed and not being a person any more, merely being an attendant to my child.

I had a day off the other day, with no wife or child from 8am to 4pm. I no longer have any hobbies, interests, or recreation. I read my book, did some cleaning, and felt like I was missing something. All I do these days is work, clean, cook, and look after the toddler, other than my once every two month drinks with a couple of friends. There's no time for anything else.

I have a demanding three year old. He's a great wee guy, but I feel that there should be something else to life.

The solution is to have more kids, they have instant friends then, probably not what you wanted to hear.

It gets easier as they get older as you can develop common interests with your kids, e.g. baking, fishing, body boarding, a musical instrument

Time out is important I try and slip in a early morning surf or free dive with a mate when I can.

Plus one for common interests.

My life disappeared into work and support of family etc. But I am now training along side my autistic son in a martial arts group - (very family friendly club). At 51 that really hurts but it has given me a new interest, I am improving physically but more importantly my son and I know have a scheduled time to talk / grunt at each other. And a common thing to discuss. <black humour> plus I can hit him and have a great excuse when cyfs turns up <grin> </black humour>

Another son is fixing bikes - and I can help sometimes. Third son is trying to get me into his video game (Hearts of iron) I play / lose (badly) and sharing Japanese cartoons (Hero Academia and Mob Psycho) , but it is rebuilding our relationship in new ways. We now have jokes, shared issues to discuss and he thinks I value him because I play video games (very occasionally) and watch cartoons.

The funny thing is I feel like part of me is waking up again - my inner teen is stretching and having opportunities to have those discussions I stopped having as a middle age parent.

What your kids love may not be what you love - but they sometimes can become what you love.

@timmmay Are there other dads with toddlers around? There is a great potential for some shared mayhem, and dads play time if you can get together with some other like minded dads. Dress your kids backwards day, go to the (kids) pub (aka mcdonalds) for an icecream and coffee together (find one with a playground so you can sit and moan about being a parent together while kids wear each other out.)

Weird sports day - or touch rugby in teams (dads vs kids) . We have a dad brings his 4 year old to the martial arts club. They train together and the rest of us spend time 'sparring' with the kid as well as the dad.

I've found I needed to reinvent myself - but thats also part of life. I'm too old for Ultimate Frisbee, too crippled to ski and too broke to buy a sports car. But I'd be that even without kids. Getting involved in a sports club or similar can work for toddler and dad.

Happy to chat.

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