Things that you hate about being a parent

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Networkn
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#2374595 13-Dec-2019 10:17

One of the biggest challenges I have as a parent at this stage, is the times my kids bicker. I don't know why, but the sound of it, is like a red rag to a bull. I know all siblings do it occasionally, and they do it less than I recall my sister and I doing it, but if something is going to make me yell, it's likely that.

The current advice is to allow them to do it, as it teaches conflict resolution, but as much as I try, I can't really cope.

concordnz

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#2374721 13-Dec-2019 13:08

I believe there was some recent (? UK ?) research which suggested siblings fight on average 8 times an hour - fortunately most of it is probably outside or in their rooms & you are not exposed to it all.

On the flip side - a single child has to push their parents 'buttons' to learn conflict resolution.

quickymart

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#2375019 13-Dec-2019 20:06

Raising a special needs child, having had little-to-no experience previously, and simultaneously raising his brother.

DarthKermit

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#2375020 13-Dec-2019 20:08

Fur parent here. I just discovered my goddam cat has been crapping on the batts in the attic, then ripping them up afterwards.

elpenguino

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#2375073 13-Dec-2019 21:57

how the heck does your cat get in the attic?

Most of the posters in this thread are just like chimpanzees on MDMA, full of feelings of bonhomie, joy, and optimism. Fred99 8/4/21

Kiwifruta

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#2375099 14-Dec-2019 06:22

I have 4 kids.

What hurts:
Seeing my kids tease, bicker with or fight with one another.
Knowing my late father isn’t here with his grandkids. He died in a car crash when we were kids.
Knowing my in-laws live far away in South America and so my kids are growing up not knowing that side of their family very well.

What I love:
Seeing my kids read stories to each other, cooperating with or being nice to each other.
Seeing my kids win awards at school, score goals at football, surfing waves, playing with their friends, saying prayers, doing talks at church, applying things they’ve learned from the scriptures.
My kids turning my life upside down and thus put it the right way up.

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Batman

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#2375103 14-Dec-2019 07:41

blackjack17:
My biggest is when they fight you when you are have to do something for their safety / well-being

Like when you are trying to change their nappy and they arch their back and throw themselves around or put them in a car seat or carry them across a busy road. Then when you are finished they sit back and smile / all happy again. It was bad enough with the first child but having to do all this again with the second. I just hate it.

Nappies and child restraints are the least of your concerns. Wait till they learn to challenge your authority, and then your wisdom, and finally belittling your sacrifices.

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#2375105 14-Dec-2019 07:45

networkn:
I was trying to be a good dad when the first baby was born. I got up with wifey at every feed, settled him tried to do all the things she was doing that I could, and then worked a way more than full time job.

One morning was eating my breakfast at work and realized I had ZERO memory of anything that had happened the night before, showering or shaving, driving to work, nothing.

That night I went home and had the talk with my wife. Moved into another room for a couple of months and did a lot less of the night time stuff. Probably saved someones life :-/

I have suffered severe memory loss since the first kid. And I don't even do most of the work.

Batman

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#2375107 14-Dec-2019 07:49

networkn:
One of the biggest challenges I have as a parent at this stage, is the times my kids bicker. I don't know why, but the sound of it, is like a red rag to a bull. I know all siblings do it occasionally, and they do it less than I recall my sister and I doing it, but if something is going to make me yell, it's likely that.

The current advice is to allow them to do it, as it teaches conflict resolution, but as much as I try, I can't really cope.

This. But when they can't resolve amicably i step in and show them how it's done, or if it's beyond salvage I just outwit the both of them. I pity those who have no sibling. They do not learn to share and never learn to handle conflict.

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#2375109 14-Dec-2019 07:52

Handle9:
grimwulf:
As a relatively new parent, and somewhat of a cliche given my partner stays at home to take care of our child, the worst thing for me is the guilt I feel every day when I head off to work.

And then, the guilt when I'm tired when I get home and don't feel like cooking dinner (and guilt myself into it) or when I roll over in the middle of the night (ostensibly because I have to get up for work in the morning) rather than going in to sit with the baby for an hour or so until he goes back to sleep.

Frankly, it's the guilt - not only in the time not spent with the little guy, but the knowledge that most of the weight of parenting is mostly on my partner's back (or boobs more precisely).

We discussed the working thing before the baby came of course, I earned more so should keep working, and the whole "boobs is best" thing that the midwives were pushing...

But yeah, it's the guilt that a big chunk of my time and energy is spent elsewhere - that's the worst thing - and the thing I really wasn't expecting.

It's just something I'm learning to accept, and compensate for, but rather than being the dad I'd always wanted myself to be, I'm the guy that is out early in the morning and just gets home in time for bath and bedtime stories.

Putting food on the table is essential of course, and I'm privileged to be in a position that we can have one income cover that (for now) - but I just know I'm going to regret missing this time with him - he's already toddling about!

All you can do as a parent is what you can do. There's never enough time, there's never enough money, there's never enough sleep!

In my experience a dad's job in the first two years is to provide enough of everything for mum to do her job. You are very much a third wheel and outside of bonding and giving mum some respite you don't do that much to directly contribute.

That changes a lot as they become small people but I have found peace that I'm doing my best, my wife is doing her best and the kids are doing their best and we all care for each other. We can fix the rest

This. But it's very difficult for a perfectionist as I've seen some who only have one acceptable outcome and cannot take any less or different.

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#2375111 14-Dec-2019 07:53

Since having kids I know why couples separate. Too long to elaborate. You'll know what I mean if you know what I mean.

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#2375192 14-Dec-2019 10:13

quickymart:

Raising a special needs child, having had little-to-no experience previously, and simultaneously raising his brother.

Being a NON-PARENT but a retired paediatric nurse - I TIP my hat to ALL parents but especially to those of "Special Needs".

Having watched my 12 yr older sister raise two girls by herself and my 8 yr older brother raise two boys by himself, all whom are adults now with children of their own, I am in no way envious.

You know more than you think you do and if you come out the other end sane then you are the best parent ever.

Whilst the difficult we can do immediately, the impossible takes a bit longer. However, miracles you will have to wait for.

Geektastic

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#2375224 14-Dec-2019 10:50

networkn:

rb99:

They get sunburnt in their armpits ???

There are all sorts of areas being discussed as being sunned now I never thought I'd hear about. Armpits aren't even close to the worst trends going LOL.

Sunned is a verb? To sun?

Fred99

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#2375227 14-Dec-2019 10:59

Geektastic:

networkn:

rb99:

They get sunburnt in their armpits ???

There are all sorts of areas being discussed as being sunned now I never thought I'd hear about. Armpits aren't even close to the worst trends going LOL.

Sunned is a verb? To sun?

Well that was way too weird to ignore - now I get what that was about. Can I have my 5 minutes back now please?

quickymart

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#2375438 14-Dec-2019 18:33

FineWine:

quickymart:

Raising a special needs child, having had little-to-no experience previously, and simultaneously raising his brother.

Being a NON-PARENT but a retired paediatric nurse - I TIP my hat to ALL parents but especially to those of "Special Needs".

Having watched my 12 yr older sister raise two girls by herself and my 8 yr older brother raise two boys by himself, all whom are adults now with children of their own, I am in no way envious.

You know more than you think you do and if you come out the other end sane then you are the best parent ever.

Thanks :) personally I think I'm not a great parent, but I try my best.

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